'AITA if I kick my extended family out even though some of them have nowhere to go?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I kicked everyone out of my house?"

I have a wife and 3 kids. The title is not referring to them. Let's begin.... 2 years ago my wife and I bought a house, it's relatively large and spacious and also includes a guest house. It is also our first house, I was the first one in my family to buy a house as we've never had that before.

Both mine and my wife's family grew up very poor, and we managed to get ourselves into a relatively comfortable lifestyle having successful careers. At the time, my mother and her boyfriend were living in a pretty bad area (just months before we moved they had a kid gunned down right in front of their apartment), so I told my mom I'd get her out of there as soon as I was able to.

We got the house and moved her into the guest house immediately. After crunching the numbers on bills, we settled at $1200 a month flat rate for her and her boyfriend to stay with us, which overall is cheaper than their old apartment.

A couple of months go by at the new house and my wife's dad loses his job. Well, we had a spare bedroom and moved him in with us free of charge so he could get on his feet. About 6 months into the new house, my sister gets really sick and can no longer work. She and her 3 boys move in. I am now supporting an entire second family who is living with me for free, plus my wife's dad who is now working.

2 years later, all of them are still living with us. A year ago my mom informed me that her and her boyfriend couldn't afford the $1200 rate we agreed to and asked to lower to $800 a month. I agreed.

My sister still can't work, however she also has substance abuse issues which I believe is causing, or at least definitely not helping, with her ability to work and her sickness. I have already had to kick her out once but my mom insisted that she move back in because she's worried if we don't take care of her then she'll end up dead somewhere.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years, one of the goals we set was to ensure our kids do not grow up like we did in poverty. We managed to achieve that and get a dream house, however have not had any chance to actually enjoy the house to ourselves because there's so many people. My kids barely have space of their own in this house we bought for them to do just that...

I just got an email this morning that electricity rates have doubled in my renewal notice, gas and groceries are up, natural gas is up on the house. My mom is the only one contributing, and my wife and I are going crazy. I'm planning a family meeting tonight with everyone to talk, but I want everyone gone.

My moms boyfriend makes decent money as well, she will be taken care of. My wifes dad has a job, I'm sure he'll be fine. My sister and her boys are the only ones I'm worried that I'm kicking out to the streets. I know this is probably going to be a huge argument and chances are I'm going to alienate my sister and my mom by doing this. WIBTA?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

ProjectCrazed said:

"one of the goals we set was to ensure our kids do not grow up like we did in poverty." You're gonna be right back there if you don't get them the hell out. They're taking advantage of your kindness. NTA, but you're not doing your immediate family any favors. Put your foot down dude.

jameskidd02 said:

NTA - 2 years is enough time for everyone to get on their feet. Your sister needs to check herself into rehab and get herself sorted out

JeepersCreepers74 said:

NTA. It's not just your family--everyone in this story should be living their own lives. If your mom is concerned about your sister and her boys, then mom and her BF can look for a place that houses all of them, but you've already done your part and more.

[deleted] said:

NTA. At this point you’re being taken advantage of. You need to put you and your family (wife and kids only) first. You probably will get flack from your sister - you’ve made things so easy and cheap for her, she doesn’t want that to change. She needs rehab and to get herself in check. You are not responsible for her or her kids.

It also sounds like you may be a people pleaser and not great at setting boundaries with family. That’s a LONG time to get no rent and pay for all these expenses for that many people. You were very generous but now it’s time for everyone to go and figure things out themselves. I’d reconsider allowing yourself to ever be in that sort of situation again, respectfully.

Fit_Attention_9269 said:

Nta, you have a sister that is free loading, a FIL that should be paying something and isn't, and a mom and her bf that are enabling your sister. You might want to have a big meeting, but this will allow them to gang up on you and it will be 4 against 1.

You don't mention how your wife feels. Is she on your side? This is a thing you need to talk with her first get on the same page and have your ally. Even if she's quiet it's better she be in the know on your side than blind sided. Good luck mate, this is going to be rough

Commenters agreed: NTA.

Months later, OP shared this update on the situation:

Thank you everyone. For starters there was a lot of insight given into how other people view the situation, a lot of which I wasn't even fully aware of (such as this is still a poverty-level situation for my kids with so many people in the house).

I took your advice to heart and held my ground. It took this long for an update because after the first talk with my family, we had several others. I gave everyone two months to move out, this seemed like the fairest option to me because while I know they've been with me for two years, they clearly were not looking for other options.

My sister was heartbroken and upset, but not angry. It really seemed like she understood the situation and that as much as I'd love to help her, it was time for her to move on. She has already found a place to stay for awhile with her kids and is working to get back on her feet, she's getting the rest of her stuff out this weekend.

My FIL was honestly surprised. I guess he wasn't expecting this to happen, even though from the get-go we've been telling him this is not a permanent situation. I haven't seen much of him this last week and he didn't have much to add to the conversation. During the meeting he said he would have been fine giving us some money while he was staying here,

but I told him he never offered and I never forced him. It was expected that he was saving up to get a place. I told him to save his money for the move and that he will have up to two months like everyone else. My mom and her boyfriend are a bit of a different story here though, I brought them with me to the house to get them out of an already bad situation, the house has a guest house which is where they stay at.

We came to an agreement that she can continue staying in the guest house but will have to contribute more to the household with bills going up. The guest house is completely separated from the main house and they are not encroaching on my kids space. Another agreement that we made is that my sister absolutely cannot stay here, regardless of situation.

If she needs financial help to find a place or for her medicine, we will help out from time to time remotely. It also cannot be so much that she comes to depend on us, but if it were a life or death situation then we would obviously do right thing there.

This may not have been the ending you all were hoping for but this works for my family, my wife and my kids. I really do appreciate all of your insight and advice as it helped me to stand firm with my family and finally do something. We already feel a sense of relief and are excited to finally get the house to ourselves. Thank you all!