'AITA for refusing to take a DNA test in order to keep my inheritance?' UPDATED

"AITA For Refusing To Take A DNA Test To Keep Inheritance?"

I (25m) am having a clash of morals and obligations and would like an outside perspective. When I was 13 my parents died and I was raised by my paternal grandparents. It was the easiest choice since they lived in the same area when my parents were alive and visited them frequently.

I am my grandparents only grandchild as my aunt (43f) is child free so when they passed on they left me their house. The current total value of the house is around $500,000 and that's lowballing the estimate and it's fully paid off so I basically have a really good head start in life although I could never imagine selling it.

Recently, I was approached by a man (38m), "John," claiming to be my grandfather's son and would like a DNA test to verify it. I shocked and didn't believe him and told him to f off because that would mean that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. He also contacted my aunt and she recognized him as the neighbor's kid who moved away years ago.

Apparently my grandparents were friends with his parents but then one day there was a huge fight and the couple moved away. John stated that his mom had an affair with my grandfather and when the husband found out he divorced his mom and they were forced to sell the house.

John said that his mom's husband wanted nothing to do with him since he wasn't sure if he was the father and abandoned him. Years later John tracked him down and after a DNA test was confirmed that he wasn't the father, John's mom confessed that the only other possible candidate was my grandfather. John's mom insisted her ex was the father for years.

My aunt lives in another country so John has been asking me to do a DNA test so that he can finally know for sure who his father is. I was willing to do it until my girlfriend (26f) brought up the issue of ownership of the house. I did a quick check and if the DNA test proves that John is indeed my grandfather's son he might be able to sue for a share of the estate.

If it came down to it I would be forced to sell my home because there's no way I could buy out even 1/3 of the share if John wanted it. I contacted John and said that I would be more than willing to do a DNA test but only under the condition that he sign away any rights or claims to the house if he's proven to be my grandfather's son via paperwork that my lawyer(s) will draw up.

I didn't hear from John for days but then got an angry call from a woman claiming to be his wife who called me greedy and selfish. That I couldn't possibly know that pain of not knowing who my father is and that my grandfather owes John.

I hung up on her and contacted a lawyer so far unless John can present enough evidence to create doubt he doesn't have much of a case, especially since the possible father is already deceased. While I'm content with never giving John what he wants until he waives his rights, and my aunt won’t either, his wife has begun stalking me on social media and putting me on blast. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

FamiliarCheesecake29 said:

NTA. The wife and "John" are definitely going to sue for the estate. The fact that he didn't agree to draw up papers to ensure that doesn't happen is suspicious.

If he really just wanted to know who his biological father is, he would've agreed, you both would've taken the test, you guys would get the results, and that would've been the end of it. It's suspicious that he didn't opt to do that. You were right in getting that lawyer. NTA.

Annalirra said:

The next request is for your attorney to send the harassing wife a cease and desist or she will be sued for harassment. NTA. Do what you’ve got to do to protect your assets.

trilliumsummer said:

NTA Pot meet kettle - they can't call you greedy and say he only wants to know who his father was if they won't sign something saying he won't contest the will. He wants to know but he wants the money too. But if your grandfather did cheat and his mistress got pregnant he had to have known there was a possibility of him having another kid out there but he still left the house to you.

[deleted] said:

NTA look into getting a restraining order against the wife. She clearly wants to cash out on this. Did your grandfather’s will explicitly deny claim to any unknown children? I’ve seen that clause a few times and it would be a good idea to ask the probate attorney about it. From now on, block them and don’t do a dna test even if they sign paperwork.

His wife’s behavior is a huge red flag. You’re best to not be involved with them. If the relationship starts off like this, it will only continue going downhill. I think it’s not a coincidence that they appear after your grandfather passed. It sounds like they are trying to run a scam. I’d be a bit surprised if they got a legitimate dna test. If you decide to do it, you choose the lab without any suggestion from him.

aitataboopbeep12 said:

NTA. Cut all contact with them completely and make sure you've found a good lawyer. I'm ultra paranoid and watch enough cop shows that I would probably not even be throwing away cups, paper plates, utensils, etc in public in case they decide to try to pull my DNA off that.

[deleted] said:

NTA. You’re completely doing the right thing. He’s trying to stake a claim for your inheritance. While he may very well be your grandfather’s son he was never part of the family and therefore morally shouldn’t have a stake in your inheritance.

Frankly, if I were you I wouldn’t even contact him any further. I have no idea if any contract he would sign that he wouldn’t go after your money would survive in court. Judges are notoriously weird in probate. Protect yourself and don’t back down here. Don’t agree to any DNA test and allow him to stake a claim on your inheritance.

And religiouslydecaf said:

I'm sympathetic to you, but I think this is NAH. John is not an AH for asking (there are many valid reasons for him to want to know that don't have to do with your money); you are not an AH for trying to protect your assets from a potentially protracted and expensive legal battle over a sh!tty thing a dead person did almost 40 years ago.

Lack of a$$holery aside, legally John probably does have a claim, which royally sucks for you. But ultimately the fault is with your grandfather, who cheated and did not have his will written to protect his intended heirs (or, more decently, set aside something for John), not the guy who was abandoned by both his bio father and the man he believed was his father.

If you were asking whether you were TA for blocking the wife, that would be 100% N TA because she's way way way out of her lane--not to mention dumb, because treating you like this vastly decreases the chance of amicable and less-expensive mediation once lawyers are involved. But that's not the core issue here. I'm sorry your family and financial plans have been disrupted this way.

Commenters largely agreed, NTA, except for some who felt: NAH. What do you think?

OP later shared this update to add more info.:

Just in case this wasn't clear and to give more info:

1.) My aunt is aware of everything is supports what I'm doing.

2.) My grandparents will was very clear once the both passed I get the house, my aunt got their Life Insurance policy, we split the remainder of their savings, and sentimental items were to be given to the designated people. There was NO mention of giving anything for a possible secret long lost child.

3.) My grandparents were cremated so John wouldn't be able to even request that my grandfather be dug up for a test. Although, my aunt and I haven't told him that. 4.) I did initially block his wife but she created other accounts. 5.) I'm an American and live in the U.S.A.