'AITA for not going to a family dinner at my sister's new restaurant? I don't want to support her.'

Just because you're blood, doesn't mean you're family.

"AITA for not going to a family dinner at my sister's new restaurant because it would have supported my sister?"

I (27f) am the second youngest in a family of 7. I have two brothers and four sisters. The restaurant is owned by my sister Daisy (28f). Daisy and I are both close to other members of our family. But she and I were never close and she has been pretty awful to me over the years. She'd try to get other siblings to exclude me and when they wouldn't she'd say mean things to me.

We shared a room until we were 18 and she made the experience miserable for me. She'd beg to get her own room or say she wanted to share with another sister but being as close in age as we were our parents decided we needed to keep sharing. She'd ruin some of my things when she was trying to get our parents to separate us. She ignores me as an adult.

I was the only person excluded from her 21st birthday party, from her college graduation and so on. We see each other when we're at our parents or if we have something going on in the family. Our younger brother has asked her in the past why she hates me so much when she doesn't hate anyone else and she told him I ruined her life.

She didn't give more information. Just I ruined her life. She said she wished mom had aborted me and she'd be happier. She also said she despised every second of sharing a room with me and wish I could have been kidnapped to get me out of her hair. I heard this and I was like fine, you know what, I have five amazing siblings.

Five siblings is enough. Dish and I aren't sisters. We're just two people who happen to share a family. I knew nothing about Daisy opening a restaurant until it was almost time. She told everyone else but not me, of course. It was mentioned in passing in front of me which is how I learned about it. But my parents wanted the family to support her and decided we should all have a family dinner there to do that.

I refused to go. I said I was not supporting her. My parents told me I needed to go. Most of my siblings weren't surprised, one was kinda but still agreed with me. They told our parents that it made zero sense for me to be there and Daisy would hate seeing me in her place anyway.

Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap. I ended up not going. Two of my siblings left during dinner because things were being said about me not showing up. My parents said I should have put our differences aside and show Daisy what family does for each other. They told me she could have come around to me. AITA?

The internet did not hold back.

quats555 wrote:

Your parents actually said that (essentially) if you pay her she may decide she doesn’t hate you any more? Seriously? No way, you’re NTA. You took the high road that makes you both happier. Would you even be able to trust any food she served you? (Not that I think she would poison you, but it sounds like she’d be perfectly happy to do something unpleasant to it.)

OP responded:

I wouldn't personally trust anything she gives me, no. She'd totally spit in my food out of pure dislike for me. Or she'd sneak in something that she knows I can't stand (like mushrooms).

diminishingpatience wrote:

NTA.

Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap.

They must have set your sister a good example.

"She said she wished mom had ab*rted me and she'd be happier. I wish I could have been kidnapped to get me out of her hair. I was the only person excluded from her 21st birthday party"

They must be so proud.

boo_boo_cachoo wrote:

NTA and it sounds like your sister has "I should've been an only child" syndrome and has taken it out on you. I have a sibling like that. We didn't talk for almost 15 years.

OP responded:

Or at least "I should have been the youngest girl."

Curious-One4595 wrote:

Your parents should hold themselves and Daisy accountable, not you. They should have addressed this situation two decades ago. And they should have kept their mouths shut about it at dinner. They don’t deserve the illusion of the happy family they failed to nurture.

If Daisy is still holding on to these childish resentments, she needs some serious counseling. And she too, should be blaming your parents, not you.

NTA.

Mini_Godzilla wrote:

If the family supports each other, where was your parents' support when Daisy treated you like sh*t? Do your parents know what Daisy was spouting? What kind of hateful crap that was? If your parents don't know, tell them what was put on display by Daisy. These statements are so unbelievable that you have to expect that this woman will want to ki*l you if you come on her radar.

You are not in the wrong and don't hesitate to tell everyone that you don't have to put up with something like this. Keep in touch with the rest of your siblings and keep telling yourself "Daisy is not my sister, she's just someone who can't hurt me!"

NTA!

whenitrainsitpours4 wrote:

NTA. You were the one treated horribly by your sister for years. I'm not sure why your parents think the responsibility lies with you to fix it. I certainly wouldn't want to put myself in proximity of someone I know doesn't want me there. Especially on their territory, so to speak.