'AITA for not letting my sister stay with me during her divorce and calling the cops on her?' UPDATED

"AITA for not letting my sister stay at my house during her divorce since I’m out of the country…and then calling the cops on her when ahe broke into my house?"

So, I have two elderly parents I don’t talk to (they did not raise me). A lot of family drama, and I’m the youngest of 8 children, all of whom I don’t talk to aside from my sister who is closest to me in age.

I have been an engineer for 20+ years and have never really put down roots. I own a century home that I’ve been restoring the last ten years, but it sits vacant for months at a time while I’m abroad, last yeat I took a job in Kuwait and won’t be back until next year. The only ones allowed in the house are my son and my neighbor both of whom watch over my house for me while I’m gone.

I got a call three nights ago from my oldest sister whom I’ve never met. She’s going through a messy divorce and wants to move into my house until it’s over, with two of her kids and her grandkid. I said no. Ahe exploded on me saying I’ve never tried to be a member of and suggesting I was the reason my parents split up. I probably am, but I really don’t care. All of these people are foreign to me.

The sister I do talk to won’t talk to me, saying I was heartless, and I got angry phone calls from a lot of “family” saying much of the same. A lot of guys at work agreed that I should have opened mt home to them.

Fast forward to today, they had drove there and broken a window to gain entry to my home and my neighbor called me informing me of the situation. I called the cops, and told them that I was out of the country and could not return, but would like them removed from the property, and she was arrested for tresspassing.

I told them I wasn’t pressing charges, and I received…more angry phone calls saying I shouldn’t have said no to begin with and should never have had her arrested. Apparently most of my family and friends think ITA. My neighbor is going to board the window, and he said there is a bunch of trash all over the place that I told him to leave.

The thing is, she has a great job. She gets paid quite well. And she should have just paid for a hotel instead of invading my home. I don’t really know. My family is my son and sister. Everyone else is just another person. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Fattdog64 said:

I find it interesting that all these “family” members are telling you that you are in the wrong, but they are not willing to take her in.

Educational-Truth479 said:

NTA, I can´t repeat this enough. Blood doesn´t give you any right to do this. If a stranger isnnt allowed to do it, then neither is blood. She asked, you said no. Simple. Other people opinions don´t matter. If they´re that worried, let them provide housing.

Viscously_Aggressive said:

I’m the runt of the family (in age anyway) and have a… tentative… relationship with most of my family and siblings. I have 7 older sisters and a few brothers too. Of those family members I haven’t spoken to maybe half of them in over a decade since I left the state. Only maybe 3 have met my daughter and only 1-2 will meet my son. Even the 2 I do have regular contact with, if I said no and they broke in.

I would call the cops on them. And when other family started blowing up my phone I would block all of them because they don’t pay my bills, offer me any kind of support or anything else that makes them significant to me or my daily life, so why deal with their B.S. opinions. Blood is thicker than water is actually the other way around. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Being related by blood doesn’t make a person family, you haven’t even met this woman. Why would you let this woman you’ve never met into your home while you’re not even in the country? NTA, have your kid or neighbor set up some cameras for you too.

And theDagman said:

NTA That's pretty rich. Your older sister who has had such a chip on her shoulder about you that she's never bothered to even meet her own little brother for 40+ years, has the gall to blame you for not having a relationship with her? Wow.

It's a good thing you got her out of your house as quickly as you did. You don't want to be like that guy who's daughter helped his ex steal his house from him. She did it by establishing residency with some mail sent there that the daughter intercepted, and then let her mother move in and begin squatting while the guy was out of town.

The ex then burned down the house before the eviction to get her out could finish, and she blamed it on her 10yo "playing with matches". Between your sister's kids and grandkid that was going to tag along with her, you weren't going to get your home back without a fight if you had let her stay.

By the time you had gotten back home, she would have established those squatters rights, just like that other guys' ex. And you'd have been basically kicked out of your own home. She's so entitled, she probably would have even changed the locks on you.

Commenters agreed, NTA.

Later, OP shared this update:

Sorry, it’s probably more complex than what I’m posting. Or maybe it’s not. I just really need an opinion outside of my sphere. Going to edit, but think I have to do small edits, it won’t let me post my big edit, so, series of edits hopefully to give some background.

I was raised by my grandparents. I do not remember my parents when I was younger, and when they divorced when I was two, my mom’s parents took me in, why? My sister assumes it is because my dad told my mom at one point no more kids and they had me.

That is what my grandparents believed as well, but nobody has ever given me a real reason from the source, and it really isn’t important for me to find out. I grew up 2 states away from the nearest relative and I had a great childhood. My grandparents passed when I was 16.

They were in their 90’s to give further context, and at the reading of my grandpas will they wanted me to finish HS and live with one of their friends who agreed, and the court agreed to. During the reading, I met my mom, one of my brothers who was 18 years my senior, and my sister who is 4-years my senior.

My sister and I talked quite a bit. She was in the Army, I was going into the Army, how we were similar etc… she was great, and always has been. She is stationed in Hawaii and is why she couldn’t take the older sis in.

Other than those two siblings, I have never met any of the others. They were cut out of my grandparents lives, so there was never a contact with me either. My mother contested the will because she felt she was entitled to more being their only daughter and because the will had been rewritten just three years before my grandmother, and eventually grandfather passed.

The material objects I was given (ie family heirlooms, pictures, etc…), were put into a storage locker and paid for until I was 18. I was cool with that, I didn’t have room. While we were packaging up the estate my mom asked me if she could take some of the photos as she didn’t have many, and I agreed. I was a kid. And I was dumb.

After a few hours I noticed my sister/brother/mother were gone and it was just me and my grandparents’ friends. And I noticed a year later that a lot of things were missing. All of the photo albums. Their wedding rings which were in a scrap book I couldn’t locate and other misc items. I didn’t know who to blame, but I felt awful about it and suspected my mother.

A year after I found out about the missing stuff I, was informed by probate that the executor of the will failed to pay the taxes on my grandparents house , and it was lost to backtaxes which, really upset me, and I blamed my mother, because she was the one who contested it to begin with.

So I went into the Army. At 19 I had my son, and was married shortly after. We invited all of my famiy once more, but only my sister came. She was stationed in Germany at the time so it was pretty great. She told me how she was getting married soon, and showed me her ring. Which was my grandmothers. I asked her about it and she said our mother said it was a family heirloom.

Sure, I could have made a scene but we’d become close, and she was so happy, so I said nothing. I told her about the missing stuff last year, and she said it was probably just a mistake, and that she would ask about the rings.

Six years later I divorced my wife amicably. There is a story with my ex wife, but it really doesn’t matter. I get along with her, she was a great mother to my son, and is still pretty special to me. My son and I talk every day. Ever since I discoveted skype it has been our daily routine now facetime…not sure skype still exists.

And I have let him know anout his extended family as much as I know. About three months ago my sister told me my mother called me a liar, and that she didn’t have any of her parents things. I shrugged it off. I can’t change it. Just an important life lesson.

And that’s the contact I’ve had with my family. I’ve never reached out since I was married forever ago. I’ve never met my dad. All of my brothers and sisters have really great jobs. Pharmacist, a doctor, couple of nurses, therapist, etc… but I really don’t know them. But they are all self sufficient from what I’m told.

I’m also a little neurotic, so this is how I view the landscape. Black and white. I know that I’m intelligent, but emotions are a landscape which I don’t exactly comprehend, and I’ve never known why. Thus, why I asked for your reactions. To all of you who are kind, thanks. Don’t feel bad for me, I love my life. I just don’t always understand some of the things in my life. Thanks, this is my last update.