'AITA for taking my wife’s side after she screamed and cursed at my mother?' UPDATED

"AITA for taking my wife’s side after she screamed and cursed at my mother?"

I (33m) am married to my wonderful wife Melody (29f) and she is currently pregnant with our first child together. I have a 6 year old daughter Tina who’s mother I split 50/50 custody with, so I know for the most part what Melody needs in order to feel supported while she carries our child.

I have been spending lots of time making sure she’s comfortable and taking on more of the load at home so she’s not doing too much, this is her first child after all and it’s obviously a lot for her physically and emotionally.

My mother and Melody don’t get along too well, mom didn’t like my ex either (we broke up because we were headed on different paths not because of my mother and there’s no bad blood) so I think she just doesn’t like her because she’s dating me for whatever reason it’s weird.

She’s very nit picky about Melody, how much she does around the house, how emotional she is (Melody already cries very easily and being pregnant has made her even more sensitive which is fine), the fact that she wants to be a stay at home mom, it just seems like nothing Melody does is okay. I do however stand up for her and do not just allow my mom to talk down to her.

Today before picking up my daughter from summer camp Melody went to 3 different grocery stores to find rotisserie chicken, she’s been talking about it since last night and really really wanted one lol. She sent me picture messages documenting her quest for the chicken and finally found it. My girl was HAPPY.

Rotisserie chicken is also kind of a comfort food for her like spaghetti because her mom used to make one of those when she was “having a lazy day” and didn’t feel like cooking. She was planning on serving that with some other basic sides for dinner, perfectly fine by me. My mother came by to see Tina and started telling Melody the chicken is bad for her and she should not be eating that pregnant.

Melody said it’s fine, she usually eats healthy and just wants this one thing she’s craving. My mom went on about how unhealthy it was and said she needs to eat something else. Melody said no and went to the backyard to FaceTime her family (out of state). When she came back my mom had thrown out the food and ordered take out, a salad for Melody and pizza for everyone else.

Melody asked where the chicken was and my mother told her she needs to start being a responsible mother and eat correctly for the baby. Melody screamed “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A B!TCH TO ME?”

She then started crying and called me home. I came back and asked my mother to leave after hearing her story and said she is not to come back until she apologizes for how she treated Melody. My mom went on about how I’m choosing another woman over her but I just think enough is enough and Melody reached her limit.

She apologized to me for blowing up when Tina was in the house but I told her it’s okay tings happen, Tina is okay and I went to find her another chicken before the store closed. My dad thinks I’m right for taking Melodys side but my brother thinks I should always defend mom so AITA?

What do you think? AITA for taking his wife's side here? This is what top commenters had to say:

CrystalQueen3000 said:

NTA. Glad you went on a hunt for chicken to replace the one your mother trashed. Great husbanding on your end OP. WTF is wrong with your mom though?

donnascuzginuwine said:

NTA but your mom sure is. As a former pregnant woman, if my MIL would have thrown away food I was craving and ordered me a salad instead, I would’ve thrown her on a rotisserie and spun her around until she apologized.

Aggravating_Art_4809 said:

Brother will need to learn that defending mum will not land him in any relationships. Your mum is controlling and is a red flag. Mothers of boys can be so incesty and possessive of their sons and she’s one of them. I’m glad you’re not letting her. Always defend your wife.

Icedragon193 said:

NTA. as far as I know there’s nothing dangerous about eating (cooked ofc) chicken during pregnancy?

UrDadsFave said:

NTA - first off, you sound like an awesome person. I'm sitting here with shocked because your mom threw away someone else's food, which would have warranted being cursed out on its own, but she threw away a PREGNANT woman's food. You don't mess with a pregnant woman and her cravings and your mom should know that.

MembershipJaded5215 said:

NTA - Melody isn't a prize race horse. She doesn't need to be groomed, dieted, or exercised by your mother. She is a guest in that house and should behave accordingly. Throwing food out is a major sign of disrespect to everyone providing for that table. Whether it's paid labor or none. If your mother wants respect, she needs to learn to act respectful.

Commenters overwhelmingly agreed: NTA. And most people commended OP for defending his wife and calling out his mother's rude behavior.

A day after his original post, OP shared this update:

Okay I did NOT expect this to get so much attention? I woke up to so many notifications and I’m going to try to go through as many as I can but wow thank you guys for all the support and awards! Melody loves all the kind messages from all of you especially the “mamas & soon to be mamas who get it” as she put it lol

1.) My mom claimed it was the seasonings & fat/grease that made the chicken bad for her. It’s all BS but that’s what she claimed.

2.) I do plan on having a sit down with both my parents and my brother with my mom. A LOT of you have mentioned emotional incest (which is creeping me out) and other things along those lines that need to be addressed. I’ll talk to my dad first then have a family meeting.

A lot of you asked why I would still want my mom around and honestly maybe I’m just weak but that’s my mother, however if she cannot learn to change and respect my family then we will just have to go NC. It’s hard but it is what it is. Melody doesn’t even want to completely cut her out she just wants change as well. But I will protect Melody at all costs and if that means cutting off my mom then so be it.

2.) My ex and I did not break up because of my mother. We had different ideas of where our lives were going. Tina was not planned and we were already heading towards going our separate ways before she got pregnant. We tried to make it work for Tina but that’s not what relationships are about, so we split and it’s working great.

My ex and Melody get along great, Tina is happy and we work through things as one big blended family. My ex and Melody have talked about my mother with each other before and that was when I realized I needed to see a therapist to work through my childhood with a mom like mine. It’s a process. I’m working through it the best I can.

3.) Some people asked about our culture, we are all Black Americans. So I think it’s more of a mom son thing than a cultural thing.

4.) Not sure how to update (someone please comment and let me know!) but I’ll update after I speak to my dad & have the family meeting. Lots of you recommended JustNoMIL & RaisedByNarcissists (i think those are the page names) and I will definitely check them out

5.) Melody’s pregnancy is going smoothly for the most part! Just “exhausting and emotional” as she put it. Also we’re having a girl! We had our gender reveal last week for those who were wondering and thank you for all the well wishes! #GirlDad 🙌🏾

I did find her another chicken yesterday night after this whole fiasco! Thanks for everyone who recommended we get a Costco card, that way she won’t have to go on another chicken quest 😂