Wife tries to veto husband's Vegas trip with friends for Father's Day. AITA?
"AITA For vetoing my husband's plan for Father's Day?"
wifevetoaita
My husband (39M) and I (40F) have been married for 8 years and have a 5-year-old son. A while back, a coworker of mine told me about this mindfulness retreat she did and how much she enjoyed it.
I looked into it and it seemed like something that I would get a lot out of. It's privately funded and donation based and requires a lottery to attend, which I was lucky enough to win on my 3rd try. The only opening they had that also fit into my schedule just happened to fall on Mother's Day weekend.
The retreat is a long weekend so I'll be gone this weekend from Thursday morning to Sunday evening. My husband will be at home with our son and will probably go visit his mom at some point during the weekend. I booked this retreat months ago so it's not like any of this is a surprise to my husband.
This past weekend, he mentioned that he and a few of his friends have been throwing around the idea of a Vegas trip for Father's Day this year. He said he wanted to talk to me about it before they booked anything, but that he thinks it would be a lot of fun.
I was hesitant to agree without having more information so I started asking questions. Who was going, how long would they stay, what's the cost, etc. None of his answers made me feel better about it.
I don't like some of the friends that would be going, they want to stay for 4 nights which I feel is too long, and the cost is way more than I am comfortable with. And finally, my family is having a huge family reunion that weekend that I have really been looking forward to and that we have known about for over a year.
I told him all of this and that I feel he should look into something different because I don't think the Vegas trip makes much sense for us. It's not a good use of our time and money.
He got upset and asked me how it's ok for me to just decide that I can go away for Mother's Day but he has to ask permission to do something for himself only for me to veto his idea.
I told him that the retreat is not going to cost thousands like his idea because it's privately funded and is donation-based so I am only going to pay what I am comfortable paying. It's not like I am throwing money away at a roulette table.
I told him that he does deserve something for himself, but that he needs to be reasonable and practical about it and throwing money away on a Vegas trip just for him isn't the way to do it.
I told him he needs to think of something else. He was not happy about it and told me that he doesn't feel like I am giving him the same consideration that he gives me in regards to "me" time.
This morning before he left to drop our son off at daycare, he told me that he told his friends that he wouldn't be able to go to Vegas. I told him that he should find something else to do for Father's Day if he wants. He told me it would be easier if I just gave him a list of pre-approved ideas so that he doesn't waste any more time or get his hopes up. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Peony-Pony
YTA and a hypocrite. It's okay for you to go to some self awareness retreat for four days over mother's day weekend but you husband can not go to Las Vegas with friends because you don't like some of his friends and you think it's a waste of money unlike your sell awareness retreat (🙄).
"And finally, my family is having a huge family reunion that weekend that I have really been looking forward to and that we have known about for over a year."
And? Do you really think your husband is looking forward to going to your family reunion on father's day weekend. You're selfish and a hypocrite.
Stranger0nReddit
YTA. Unless you are so financially strapped, let him go. It's not like he's asking to do more costly trips like this all the time. You don't like some of the friends going? Good thing you won't have to interact with them.
Your husband can be a responsible adult. It's not cool you booked yourself a retreat and your husband didn't give you shit about it, but you immediately rain on his parade.
I'm guessing this is mostly about you wanting him at the family reunion. I understand it's been planned, but you and your son can still go and have a good time- you don't your husband to be there.
zerostar83
It sounds like you need reminding that he is not the same person as you are. You don't like his friends, but he does. You don't care for Las Vegas, but he does. Las Vegas has famous restaurants, shows, and gambling as well. Have YOU had Gordon Ramsay's Beef Wellington as his restaurant?
You also are trying to insert "we" into a "me" situation. Father's Day isn't Valentine's Day, it's not a decision to be made as a family. It's his decision. Let him be an individual. Or maybe you have yet to realize that you don't like the person you're married to.
Either way, YTA for the approach at the very least. You seem to think that all your husband needs for you to book a trip is plenty of time so it's not a surprise for him, but that he needs to get your permission before he can do the same. If it's about money, talk about how to make his weekend trip affordable. Don't take away his independence as a human being.
ed_lv
YTA. It's OK for you to have everything you want for mother's day, while you expect him to spend Father's Day at your family reunion. You're hiding behind the cost, but you just don't want him to have what he wants for Father's day, after you got exactly what you wanted for Mother's Day.
jmbbl
It's hard to say without knowing how much the trip would cost and what your financial situation is, but I'm leaning YTA. You're going away for three nights, but his four-night plan is too much? And calling his trip "throwing away money" is pretty dismissive.
Historical-Goal-3786
YTA. He doesn't need to be at your family reunion. You got to pick what you wanted for Mother's day. He should get to do what he wants. You sound more like his mom than his partner.