Pregnant woman's aunt 'ruins' her rainbow baby shower. AITA? HEARTBREAKING UPDATE
When this woman is livid with her aunt for ruining her baby shower, she asks the internet:
"My aunt ruined by rainbow baby shower. I am so furious. AITA?"
My husband and I are finally expecting our rainbow baby after years of infertility and multiple miscarriages.
It's safe to say we and our family are very freaking excited! My mother is probably the most excited. She's been planning our baby shower and making decorations for months. She's been the biggest help during this exciting, yet scary pregnancy.
A few weeks ago, my aunt told my mother and I that my cousin is pregnant. We are very happy for her. However, my aunt said their plan is to announce her pregnancy at my baby shower, since we are having a big party anyways.
She said it's not a big deal and we both can share the day. I said absolutely not because we have been waiting for this day forever, and it should be all about me and my rainbow baby. My mother is on my side and told my aunt that they better not announce anything at the party. My aunt dropped it, and nothing else was ever said.
Last Saturday was my baby shower! It was everything I've waited for. Everything is going good, no one has announced my cousins pregnancy. When it was time for us to eat my cake, my aunt said, "hold on, hold on everyone." and went outside to her car to grab something.
That was the moment I knew something was up. My mother and I follow her outside, and my aunt decided to bring a cake announcing my cousins pregnancy, and some presents for my cousin.
My mother immediately told my aunt that she will not be bringing those back into the rec center, and they will not be ruining my day. My aunt started throwing a fit, screaming "this is a baby shower, it's for babies.
Cousin is having a baby too, so this day is about her too!" My cousin now joins the screaming and says how pissed off she is that everything is always about me and why do we always have to be happy for me.
They would not stop screaming, so they were kicked out by the rec centers security, and half our family was upset that I wouldn't let her have a moment at my shower so they left too. Now everyone is bashing my mother, myself, and rainbow baby on facebook, group family texts, anything at all.
edit: for those asking - A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage or stillborn. It's a term used to describe the joy/hope after the "storm" of losing a baby!
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
fre56 writes:
Meh. I might have an unpopular opinion about this but.... I mean, why not share the joy? It's just more love.
I don't know your relationship with your cousin, maybe I'm a lot more laid back ... but I would personally LOVE for family members to share their joy at a big event I'm the person people are celebrating. I don't believe in a day that's all about someone.
I had 2 miscarriages before my son. Every woman I know that has been trying to conceive, lately, has had at least 1 miscarriage. It would bring me SO MUCH HAPPINESS to share that.
Just like I'd be the type to let someone propose at my wedding ( with permission of course). Someone thinks my event is the PERFECT place to announce their love?! What a compliment.
My lovely friends got married this last weekend. A family member had the audacity to wear a white dress ( just a summer dress, not a wedding dress, that's where I draw the line).
The best part? The Bride did not give 2 shits. She had fun, it didn't affect her night. That just cemented my view on just letting things go, you'll be so much happier for it.
Sure they're totally entitled for trying to force you into accepting what they were going to do after you refused. They crossed your boundary.
They're jerks for trying to go forward with it and I'd cut them off because of the disrespect. But in all honesty, I don't get why you let something like this get to you so much.
complex23 writes:
This isn't a day "for babies" this is a day about YOUR baby. A day to celebrate the life you're bringing into this world and get support from your family- not for family to demand support from you.
You have enough going on, if your sister really wanted to announce it at a party she should have planned her own party- no one would complain about there being TWO parties and she doesn't deserve a pity prize...
for not doing anything to help plan the party and go behind your back despite telling them no. Even if they had helped plan, thats them helping you, and doesn't entitle them to YOUR time.
And the rest of the family thats harassing you? You invited them to a party, spent your own money to get everything together- probably didn't even require gifts if your words are anything to go by...
And this is how they treat you? By harassing you online because you didn't want to be forced to make everything about your sister? Screw them, honestly. Thats some stuff to cut contact over because thats so horrible.
Congratulations though! I want this to end on a good note for you. You worked hard to get where you are deserve all the support that you can get! I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out- up until you give birth at least, parenting won't be easy haha! I believe in you though!
sweetkiss9 writes:
It was your baby party and it was planned and paid and done by you and your mom. They want a baby shower they can do that themselves.
Stealing someone else's spotlight is downright ugly and their words just underline the ugly side they have.
Also, even if I had been pregnant I would have wanted something for myself and not ride the coat tail of my cousin's party.
That's cheap and makes most people feel kinda uncomfortable. The day was about you and your baby and it was fine you kicked them out. I would also suggest a major block wave to all those family members siding with them. Don't torture yourself and read those nasty comments.
I wish you the best and I think you have more well wishers here then their crappy comments. Breathe and let it pass.
spiritulass65 writes:
My mother in law did this to me for my first son’s first birthday party. When it came to cutting the cake, she brought out two more cakes out.
One for my niece who’s fourth birthday was three days before, and one for my nephew, who’s birthday was the day after. This was her beloved daughter’s children whom I’m very close to.
However I was upset. It was his first birthday, and I just wanted it to be about him. Since we celebrated the party at the mother in-laws huge house, I went along with it. 23 years later, I’m still sad about it.
blalba34 writes:
My brother and his wife are having their first child after have a miscarriage. It was very hard on them, and our entire family is beyond excited (especially my mother and my SIL's mother, as they are having the first girl in the family).
I could not imagine trying to get the slightest amount of attention on myself or sitting by allowing someone else to do something like this, especially if they did not receive my brother and my SIL's blessing to do it on this day.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I wish there was more a stranger on the internet could do for you then just congratulate you and your husband. I know for myself, I am beyond excited for your family to grow as I am for my brother's family to grow.
And now, OP's major update:
Some people have asked for an update, and this is the type of update I never wanted to make. I am truly heartbroken.
First off, my beautiful baby girl came into the world 3 weeks early, on June 15th! We have been so excited and are enjoying every minute of her! She's doing amazing and has already grown so much!
Now the update on my cousin & aunt - On June 16th, the day after my baby girl was born my cousin texted our family group chat and said she had a miscarriage.
I was so sad for her, and despite still being upset with her, I told her if she needed anything to call me and I would be there for her.
I spent hours crying for her, with her, talking through everything. Her feelings, my feelings, how I was able to cope with my multiple miscarriages. She came over a lot, holding onto my baby, crying. I saw a change in her, she seemed so sincere.
MY COUSIN LIED! She was NEVER pregnant. Apparently a few days after her "miscarriage", my cousin told her mother (my aunt) that she was loving all the attention she's getting, and that she lied about ever being pregnant.
She said she can't wait to magically get pregnant with her "rainbow" baby soon, and get even more attention. A few days ago my aunt made a comment about it to my grandma, and my grandma was very upset.
My aunt said not to tell anyone, especially me since I'd be so dramatic about it. She said it wasn't a big deal, and everyone needed their time to "shine" aka my cousin's future "rainbow baby". Of course my grandma told everyone, and I am so heartbroken.
Now I really don't know if my aunt did or did not know she lied to begin with. My aunt doesn't even care that she lied and her behavior afterwards was disgusting, so I'm leaning more towards she knew all along and was in on it.
However, we have all (not 100% sure about grandma), cut ties with my aunt and cousin. I can not believe someone would stoop so low as to lie about being pregnant, then miscarrying, then having a "rainbow baby" all for attention.
I can only write so much in a post, so if anyone has any questions or want more details - I will try my best in the comments! Thank you all!
Readers continued to weigh in on OP's update:
gafare writes:
Congratulations on your daughter. Oh my goodness, there is definitely something wrong with both your cousin and your aunt! And yes, cut them out completely, people willing to do that are potentially dangerous, and you don't want them around you or your daughter.
blfagwe writes:
It’s just mine boggling the selfishness and cruelty that your cousin has just to gain attention and if and I mean if she really did become pregnant, I’d fear more for that child because the baby will probably be more like a living...
doll for her and have everyone else take care of the baby or much like in one post where one sister-in-law got pregnant just to compete with the OP found out that the child had some health problems and literally Took off and ghosted the family it wouldn’t surprise me if she do that as well.
I hope you and the little one will be OK and I would say keep your aunt and cousin away from your family because she sounds like she’s going to do something or even use your daughter as a prop to make herself look better.
facew4 writes:
Definitely go NC with the aunt and cousin going forward. And make sure the cousin doesn't have any keys to your home (in fact, change all your locks anyways). I get the feeling she was only at your home to get closer and bond with your baby. She might try some sick shit in the future.
You cousin has severe mental issues. Do not trust her or give her an inch. And let the rest of your family know the cousin is not to be anywhere near you and your baby. Ever.