Woman shares 2 year saga of being stalked by her neighbor; 'It started with a Halloween casket; it ended with the police.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
When this woman shares the 2 year saga of being stalked by their neighbor, she asks the internet:
"I was stalked by my neighbor for 2 years and got revenge. AITA?"
I'm (F) really writing this out as a way to vent because I'm in a situation where I feel really stuck. Any advice is appreciated but I'm not sure there's anything that can be said that will actually help.
I've tried just about everything. I'm going to start from the beginning. This is a story 2 years in the making, so I'll try to be as thorough as possible.
In 2019, I graduated with my master's degree and moved to a relatively rural area for my PhD. Thinking we'd make an investment, my dad and I purchased a house. The intent was to rent it out once I completed my PhD.
This house was only a block away from a dive bar where my dad was able to make some pretty good friends. He introduced me to everyone, and everyone let me know that I would be SO happy in my new house, because my next door neighbor was the absolute nicest guy you could ever meet.
So, we met the neighbor and he did seem nice enough! He suggested we exchange numbers just in case I ever needed anything and I thought that was a good idea. What's the worst that could happen? A few days later, my dad left to go back to his home in another state, and I was left to my own devices.
Literally the day he left, it started. My neighbor texted me while I was away and let me know he left a gift for me on my front porch. In this text exchange, he started using pet names like "sweetie" and "cutie". I went home and he had left a hand painted feeding dish for my cats in my mail box.
At this point, I wasn't that alarmed. He was just being nice, I thought. The next day, he sent me more texts with pet names and I took the opportunity to make sure he knew I was not interested in anything romantic. He replied back with a rambling text about how all a person ever needs is friends and he would like to be friends with me.
After that, he would send me texts frequently. Everything from inviting me fishing to telling me he left more gifts on my porch. I would often not reply or I would tell him I'm busy. I didn't want to be rude, but I also had no interest in any sort of relationship with him other than neighborly.
One night, I got a text from the manager of the bar down the street, letting me know that if my neighbor knocked on my door, I shouldn't answer. She then told me that my neighbor had walked down to the bar with a hatchet and told the bartender he was hearing voices that got louder as he got closer to the bar.
He threatened to kill someone with the hatchet if the voices didn't stop. They called the police, and the police took the hatchet from him but made no arrest. The manager of the bar picked me up and I spent the night at her house. She told me that the police said my neighbor was on meth.
After that, I tried to keep my distance even more. But things got even weirder. One day, I went out to my car to find a dead squirrel in my driveway. This squirrel had very clearly been run over and moved to right in front of my driver's side door. I just stepped over it, got in my car, and left.
When I returned home, the squirrel was gone. Shortly after, I received a text from my neighbor that said, "Someone or something put a dead squirrel in your driveway. Don't worry, I moved it for you." I felt like this was a weird way to word this, and I suspect he's the one who put the squirrel in my driveway.
Another time, I walked out of my house to see he had placed an unspent shotgun shell on the bricks in his front yard. He came out and told me that it was to serve as a "warning" for anyone walking between our houses.
For the next couple of months, I did my best to avoid him. He would text me inviting me over and I would come up with an excuse or just ignore him completely. I wanted to remain cordial since he was my neighbor, but it was getting very annoying and I was uncomfortable.
He would text me as soon as I got home, telling me that he was watching me come and go from my house. Around Halloween, he hand crafted a large casket and wrote "here lies the last son of a b who played mind games. November 2012". What the f? All this time, still sending me texts. Eventually, I got fed up and I stopped responding completely.
Less than two weeks after I stopped responding completely, he threw a 50 pound flower pot at my front door. You know those big concrete planters? Yeah, one of those.
I called the police who advised me to get a stalking no contact order. A few days later, I was watching TV when a notification popped up that my neighbor was trying to cast a video to my screen. I declined it, twice. I filed another report with the police.
During this time, I started the process of getting a stalking no contact order. I saw three different victim advocates who all told me different things. I went out of town for a conference, and during that time, someone had attempted to break into my home.
I had an ADT security system, so while they didn't succeed, I was aware of the attempt. After the conference, I came home to the entire world shutting down because of COVID. I was trapped in my home, 24/7, with my stalker neighbor next door.
Luckily, court proceedings for protection orders didn't stop. Right before court, he sent me a text telling me he was sorry for what he'd done. That he could tell when he saw me outside that he made me uncomfortable. Then he went on to tell me he can tell my hair has gotten longer and I look beautiful.
I went to court and provided all of the evidence I had. The timeline of everything that had ever happened. The texts he'd sent me asking if I wanted a massage. The texts I sent him telling him the way he was speaking to me was inappropriate.
The texts saying that he knew he made me uncomfortable. I told the judge that I suspected he had attempted to break into my house while I was out of town. The kicker is, he didn't deny any of it.
Actually, he told the judge that he took full accountability for everything. He said he was in recovery and was trying to turn over a new leaf. He didn't oppose the protection order at all. So, in March 2020, I actually received the stalking no contact order.
Everything was pretty quiet for a while. I mean, he did some weird shit but that's because he's a weird guy. It wasn't anything that made me fear for my safety. That is, until he got on drugs again.
At this time, we found an unspent shotgun casing in my flower bed. It was consistent with the one he had previously used to send a "warning". This occurred a couple months after I started dating my boyfriend, and I suspect it was a warning to him.
After this and for a variety of reasons, my boyfriend moved in with me. He moved in pretty quickly, but everything turned out fine. We're still together and as happy in our relationship as we can be.
New years, 2021, I was awoken to yelling. I turned on my security cameras and got footage of him sticking his head out his window and screaming obscenities at my bedroom window for about 7 minutes.
It doesn't sound like a long time, but when your stalker is screaming threats and obscenities, 7 minutes is a long time. He called me a "harlot". He said "happy fg new year".
He said he was going to blow up his house with his gas line. I called the police, who responded. They told me that he never said my name so they can't prove it was a violation of the protection order.
The officer said, and I quote, "there's nothing illegal about yelling in your own house". They left without even speaking to him.
All I could do at this point was do my best to avoid him. I parked on the street because my driveway is pretty close to his front porch. I got used to living with my curtains drawn. I always made sure my cameras were charged, all 5 of them. Yes, because of him, I spent over $1000 on cameras.
Every inch of my yard is covered. Since then, he's been seen by me and by other neighbors talking to people who aren't there. Going outside and screaming nonsense. Things like, "I have Cheerios on my necklace!". Or, "I'll put my penis in your butt!" I'm not even joking.
This basically brings me to last week. In the morning, I was getting ready for the day when I heard screaming. "Someone is going to die over this sweatshirt". I turned on the cameras.
I got footage of him walking around the alley behind my house screaming, "are you fg proud?!" "How about I get my shotgun?! I'll get everybody all fired up!" I called the police.
Once again, they didn't charge him with violation of the protection order. Instead, they gave him an ordinance violation for disturbing the peace. The police told me that it seems like he's off his medication again. And that was that, they left.
Last night, I was awoken to hammering outside my window at 1AM. He was cutting down his privacy fence. Horizontally. I called the police for a noise complaint and they just told him to stop. And that was that.
As I write this, he is outside continuing to horizontally cut down his privacy fence. That means the privacy fence only stands about 3 feet tall now. This was the one thing that made me feel relatively safe about hanging out in my backyard, and now that's gone.
All of this is to say, I'm fg tired. I just want to live in a house where I can be sure that my neighbor won't try to kill me. Where I can feel confident that he's not going to try to break in. My boyfriend and I are trying to buy a house to move, but it's difficult. I'm a PhD student, so I don't make very much money.
Renting won't work, because I have 4 cats (plus my partner’s cat and dog although we have a place secured for them if necessary) and finding a place to rent with so many animals is difficult if not impossible.
I refuse to rehome them, so maybe it's partially my fault I'm stuck in this situation. My dad has agreed to cosign on another mortgage and I've gotten a second job. We should be able to save up enough money within a few months but until then, I'm stuck.
I just don't know what else to do. I'm tired. I'm angry. So I figured I'd write this to vent. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading it all. There's still so many different instances that I've left out. I'm just so exhausted.
No one really asked for it, but I'm doing an update because I got a lot of good advice. Since my last post, I reached out to my neighbor's family and let them know that I fear for my life.
I told them that there's a way they can get him institutionalized through the courthouse if he was refusing to seek mental health treatment. His family just said that they would "talk to him", "have a discussion with him", etc., and that they were aware of the method to get him committed. This was almost two weeks ago at this point.
Well, that pretty much backfired. Last night, at approximately 10:30PM, he was yelling at my camera
. He was saying a lot of nonsensical things, but at one point he said that there was "nothing wrong with [his] head or medication" and that I should "try out a psych ward for [my] motherfg self". Of course, I called the police because I considered this to be a violation of the no contact order.
The police came and I got the worst officer. He told me that it wasn't stalking because he was talking to my camera, not to me. He didn't even go over and talk to my neighbor. He said he would send the report to the state's attorney's office.
I actually do research in the courthouse, and while I was hesitant to bring this up in the course of my professional responsibilities, I finally bit the bullet and did it. I wanted to do everything the right way.
Go through the police and send it up the chain but apparently the police make it impossible to do that. I spoke with the attorney today, and she was very upset at the way everything has been handled.
The report had not been sent to their office as of noon today. She called and left a message for the officer for the report and is awaiting to hear back. She told me she will call me tomorrow with an update.
At this point, I will be continuing to advocate for myself directly to the attorney. I will be sending every ounce of evidence, including pictures and videos, to the attorney with the hopes that we can file multiple charges of stalking against him.
Of course, I understand not *everything* may be prosecutable but I know I have at least a few things which should stick.
I'm really happy to say that I am satisfied with the way the state's attorney's office is handling it at this point. I have gotten further with them in one day than I have with the police department in 18 months.
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
diver76 writes:
One thing I learned is cops are useless in these situations. I have this guy that has been stalking me since 2012 started off by buying a trailer and living up my street and constantly making new accounts to add me on social which I decided to delete all of them.
It’s non stop and is so draining so I feel you OP. I was literally talking to my wife about how cops haven’t learned there lesson with the whole “they havnt physically done anything so we can’t do anything” when there are sooooo many horror stories that happen afterwards. I hope you and your bf can get out soon and find some peace!!
tjcline8 writes:
You stated that he's cutting down his privacy fence, but is there a reason you and your boyfriend cannot put up your own fence. I realize some pieces of wood are not going to stop him from coming over if he gets serious with his threats, but you said the fence at least gave you a small sense of feeling safe in the backyard.
Don't let him take that from you honey. Besides, having a nice fence will look great if you go on to sell the house someday. People like a nice fenced in backyard. Maybe you could even do a little landscaping to keep your mind off the creep next door. Anything to get him off your mind.
newhypervig writes:
Oh my god. What I would do if that was happening to me, I'd ask some friends "if I call you and use a code word, call the police, tell them my neighbor is breaching the no contact order and come pick me up right now" and I'd try to find some friends to live with me and act like bodyguards...
the no contact order might be stopping this guy from doing anything to harm you, but even when he's not breaching the order it still sounds like hell to experience the threats and all.
And what about doing a 51/50 for him? If he's at risk of harm to others he could be involuntarily admitted to hospital and ideally he would come out of it a little more sane. I'd also talk to my therapist about it because that kind of terrorization must be taking a toll on your mental health. Good luck.
perfectlawful writes:
I am SO SORRY this is happening to you. This man is a malignancy and a blight on this little town and every female he comes in contact with and the fact that the useless cops and his family would rather keep their heads buried in the sand until someone is hurt or killed as a result of his insanity before anything is done is fg repugnant.
Y'all are obviously doing everything you can to protect yourselves already, my only other suggestion would be a big and VERY loyal, well trained doggo though idk how your kitties may like that. I also have 4 chimkins and they would murder me in the night if I brought a dog home for more than just a pet sitting fling.
I just know for a fact that dogs in particular are very put off by erratic tweaker behavior and have seen that work against violent asshole addicts a multitude of times as a recovering addict myself (NOT meth, eww!)
That drug is the fg devil. I have seen people I've known and loved my entire life turn into violent demons from hell because of that shit and whoever that man may have been before he was on that stuff is GONE...
when he's actively using, even when he's in recovery, for many months afterwards his brain is not functioning with the normal levels of usual neurotransmitters and the proclivity to be irritable, irrational, angry and violent is all abnormally high af.
The dude sounds like he genuinely needs at LEAST a 30 day inpatient rehabilitation program if not something more long-term apart from whatever other mental illness or medication he may be on/dealing with.
Again, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Nobody should have to live in fear like this and I hope that your efforts to sway this man's family to take some action will be met with some actual respect and be dignified as they should have been a while ago.
Please stay safe and take care and boop all of your kitties for me.
erinbattle7 writes:
I have a very similar neighbour, he does the craziest things and has a terrible temper. The reason the police took my situation extremely seriously was because my neighbour was under my bedroom window at 1am messing with my flower pots.
He gets super aggravated by gardens/flowers changing- he smashed all my other neighbors pots.
I wonder if him trespassing is what it will take for the cops to do something. Where I live it’s illegal to be under someone’s window at night- much more than trespassing. I’d become familiar with what’s illegal or not.
Then if he comes on your property you will have the verbiage to tell the police how he’s broken the law.
Alternatively- can you get him a health and wellness check? We have people here you can call if you think someone with a mental illness is not being properly cared for. You could call them and say you’re worried about HIS safety.
Just lie and pretend it’s out of selflessness. If he’s having an episode they might 5150 him.
Also I have a foghorn for my neighbor. Don’t know if this will make things worst for your situation but my neighbor likes to be sneaky. So I have a foghorn to blast him if he’s sneaking around. Gets all other neighbours attention as well. They know the situation and basically everyone knows that foghorn means mick is sneaking around and to come help.
UPDATE 1:
Also, from this point forward, all updates will be added to this post. The mods let me know there shouldn't be any series and updates should be done within the posts themselves. I misread the rules, sorry!
Additionally, I am waiting on a verification flair from the mods. I know this story is starting to get absolutely ridiculous, so I sent them every shred of evidence I have.
This time I have actually had quite a few people ask for an update, so here I am. I feel like it's a weird situation because a lot has happened but at the same time, not really much progress has happened on the court's end.
Last time I updated, I ended after I had spoken to the attorney at the court house. I had sent them all of the evidence they need, and to this day, I am still waiting to hear any update at all from them.
I know the attorney handling my case is swamped so I have given them some room to breathe, but I'm back to a point where I may start pushing again.
After the outburst where he screamed at my cameras that I needed to try out a psych ward for myself, my neighbor went on another tirade. He was screaming about how he could see a spirit in the moon or something, and was just generally yelling nonsense at our camera.
While it was all nonsense, it was very clear that he was speaking to our cameras. I called the police, and they came and again told me that there was nothing that they could do because he was on his own property, blah blah blah.
Then, while the police were there, he started up again and was screaming (while standing on his picnic table) about how he doesn't have to apologize to the police, to the FBI, to the university nearby, or anyone.
As soon as the police shined their flashlights on him, he said, "I know, I'm sorry". So much for not needing to apologize, huh? He went on to say that everywhere he goes he gets picked on, by us, by Walmart, by everyone.
Apparently everyone is just picking on him and he's tired of it. So that's why he's screaming and standing on his picnic table. The police still didn't do anything and told me that if they arrested him, it would be unconstitutional.
Then they went on to tell me that they have colleagues who know my neighbor's family, and they're confident that my stalker neighbor isn't capable of murder.
UPDATE 2:
After that, things were kinda quiet for a while. Once again, there were weird things that happened or instances of him staring at our house or being an issue to other neighbors, but not to us so much.
I can live with him just being weird; I'm not a difficult neighbor. As long as you're not putting dead squirrels in my driveway, screaming at me, or trying to break into my house, I don't have any complaints.
That is until this week. Two days ago I got a notification that there was motion near the east side of my house, which is where my neighbor lives. I look at the cameras and he's bending down doing something and I didn't think anything of it at first.
That is until he was there for a long time and I kept getting notification, so I look outside. Lo and behold, my neighbor has started two very, very small fires on his side of the property line. Why? I'm not sure. He set them and then walked away.
My boyfriend and I considered calling the police but the fires were so small and ended up going out on their own that we decided it wasn't worth it. All the police would do is show up and maybe give him an ordinance violation for illegal burning.
At that time, I considered it a warning because I was due to testify in court against him later in the week (today, actually; nothing of substance came from court, he didn't show up and he got a default fine of $250 for screaming in the back alley which I described in a previous post).
After this, I spoke with a different, non-stalker neighbor who asked me if stalker neighbor had been giving me issues lately.
Apparently, stalker neighbor had been giving them issues by taking pictures of their house and doing other nonsense in the alley behind their backyard.
Apparently it was enough to cause alarm to the neighbors, but I don't know exactly what it was that he was doing behind their house.
Another neighbor had also come to me and told me that stalker-neighbor had been antagonizing him on his bike by following him around and hitting his back tire.
I also have him on video screaming at the neighbor kids while they play on their bikes. Clearly, this is not an issue just with me anymore. One neighbor told me her children don’t feel safe playing outside anymore. However, I'm the only one with a restraining order against him.
Then, that brings me to today, which today's incident is very, very much grounded in suspicion and speculation because I honestly have no idea what happened, but I find the entire thing very suspicious.
So, take this information with a grain of salt. A house behind ours caught fire and was engulfed in flames; the whole home is destroyed. Since it just happened today, there isn't any official ruling about how the fire started, but I've been told that it started on the porch and that it was an arson fire.
How anyone knows it was an arson fire at this point is beyond me, and I really am not sure that this is the case. Small town gossips goes wild and may not be accurate, so I'm not quite jumping to conclusions just yet.
However, if it comes out officially that it is an arson fire, I'm going to be highly suspicious of my neighbor. I'm very hesitant to send the police the videos of my neighbor starting fires in between our houses just a couple days before, because the police never take me seriously.
I'm afraid of always reporting things and being treated as the boy who cried wolf, so I'll just keep it to myself for now. If they come out seeking tips or information from the public, then I'll send them the footage. But until then, I have no reason to believe that the police will do anything about the information I provide them.
So, that's where we are. I've gotten my finances in order to where I can get a mortgage and I have a meeting with a mortgage lender next week. Hopefully I will be able to get the f out of here before too long. I'm afraid of the fer burning down my house or doing something else ridiculous.
Edit to add: After I posted this Friday night, another strange incident happened. My neighbor was in his backyard having a fire in his firepit and spraying down his whole yard with a hose.
Not just his yard, but also his garage and shed. I was so paranoid about this and I was just watching my cameras like a hawk. I was really afraid he was going to set my house on fire. Eventually, I got tired and decided to lay down and try to sleep.
One of my front cameras had died and while I knew I needed to get a battery into it, I thought I could wait until the morning. It was the doorbell camera and while that covers a small porch of the porch, it's not good for security.
Usually one of the other cameras I have in the front (3 total cameras in the front that capture different parts of the porch) catch what people standing on the porch so I thought it was gonna be fine. I was wrong.
At like 1:30, someone pounded on our door, very obviously trying to wake us up. I was so scared someone was coming to tell me my house was on fire. I jump up and look out the window and no one is there.
I'm totally freaked the f out at this point and decided to call 911. We didn't go outside until they arrived and then we noticed water or some other liquid on the porch. But nothing was fg caught on video.
The police went over and told him to cut it out because they were well aware that it was him. They said he had a friend over with him so it's possible it could be his friend too. Thankfully, nothing else happened that night but I still didn't sleep.
I'm honestly pretty mad at myself that I didn't go change the battery. But the doorbell one (which is the one that died) is the least reliable anyway because it barely even catches me leaving my house.
And the other front one usually picks up whenever someone goes to the door. I just didn't want to go outside on my porch at midnight and my boyfriend was already asleep. Regardless, it'll damn sure never happen again because we added another camera to the blind spot. That's 6 cameras total.