If you have a very small child, you know that handling them in public spaces can be a true balancing act.

The noise, the lights, having to sit still; all of these can be challenging to manage. And people can be very judgmental. Side-eye from strangers is almost unavoidable in 'adult' spaces like a movie theater or a restaurant. WeAllHaveToEat was just trying to enjoy a family dinner out and ended up being shamed for her parenting. So, she took to Reddit to ask:

AITA because our baby ate off our plates?

Today was my BIL's (brother-in-law's) birthday, and we had a family dinner. There was the birthday boy, his girlfriend, my husband, me, our baby, their parents, uncle and aunt.

We went to a Mexican restaurant. I had steak fajitas. Our baby likes to eat off of our plates. He grabbed one of my tortillas, so I tore it into strips for him.

He also ate the grilled tomatoes, peppers and onions off of my skillet and grabbed a piece of steak to suck on.

Brother in law's girlfriend said that it was unappetizing to see our baby grabbing food off of my plate and giving her anxiety as well because she was worried he would choke. I told her to look at her own plate instead of mine.

She was somewhat put out when I said that. Halfway through the meal my husband took the baby so I could focus on my food and socialize a bit. Baby went to town on hubby's leftover chicken quesadillas.

Again, brother's girlfriend said she was anxious and put off her food. My husband shrugged at her. After dinner, everyone else was using the restroom, and it was the two of us watching everyone's stuff.

She told me I was very rude to her and that she was unable to enjoy her boyfriend's birthday because of our poor table manners. I said she should have focused on her boyfriend and her own meal instead of what my husband or I were doing. She said I was a very selfish person.

I'm very irritated by the whole thing, but since she was so confident we were assholes to her, were we?

This frustrated mom got some very differing reactions from folks online.

emi_lgr makes the point:

Unless the baby is seven and licking the plates while making loud slurping noises (my husband’s nieces lol), gf is crazy. Keep your eyes on your own food!

aLittleQueer is at a loss with this question:

This one is truly baffling. The woman was “put off her meal” by the fact that a tiny human, under parental supervision, was doing the exact same thing as the full-grown humans at the table?? Does she know children have to eat? Wtf did I just read???

And how consistently awful is the woman, that op even had a moment’s doubt she herself might be in the wrong here?

After some serious debates, the OP updates to inform posters that her child is 9 months old.

But Accurate_Salary3625 angrily insists that is no excuse:

You don't know how to install good eating habits and manners. Sure, the baby is 9 months old and to you it's okay as well as adorable for your baby to eat left over food off the your plates...in a public place.

What will happen at age 2, will your toddler grab food off your plate, like a monkey in a zoo and eat using fingers. No cutlery required. What about age 5 or 6? Your child now grabs food off your plate, and throws a full tantrum. Why? Because you have enabled this behaviour.

OP, you and your husband are parents. It's your job to raise your children to be adults who are well manner, disciplined, intelligent, healthy and well adjusted. It's your job to teach them good manners and healthy eating habits at an early age.

nepeta19 tries to be understanding:

I can sort of understand the being put off. I have pretty bad misophonia, which is where particular sounds trigger an irrational disgust/panic response. One of those sounds is chewing / obvious saliva noises. And it's fairly common (and understandable) that kids might be fairly noisy eaters.

But I am fully aware that it's a 'me' problem and am working really hard to overcome it and I absolutely wouldn't expect anything different from a baby/toddler! Usually I find that the background noise in a restaurant is enough to block enough of the mouth sounds especially if I'm not looking directly at the loud chewer.

As OP says: 'I told her to look at her own plate instead of mine.' Plus if it was really that intolerable for brother's gf, she could have easily excused herself to the toilets to calm down a bit.

OP's definitely not the AH but just adding a perspective of how someone might have that kind of response. But the arsehole deciding factor is how a person then acts on their response.

PuddyTatTat admits:

Yeah, that 'sharing' food with toddles makes me gag too. Gross. At least OP didn't masticate it first and then give it to the kid (yes, this has happened...). Why couldn't you have made your kid its own plate to grub in?

Second question, anytime I've ordered Fajita's they come out in a piping hot skillet. Did yours come in a cold pan? I mean are you really letting your 'baby' grab food out of a sizzling pan? YTA.

Icy-Elk-9576 decides they know best:

NTA. Baby eats off parents plates because they feel confident knowing the food is safe. It's like the parent is a poison tester in the baby's mind. This is a completely normal stage of development. It is to be encouraged.

What do you think? Would this ruin your dining experience?