'AITA for refusing to share my massive inheritance with any of my siblings?' UPDATED

"AITA for not giving my inheritance to any of my siblings?"

My dad has passed away and I have gotten all of his inheritance. My dad raised us in strict milltary style household he was a horrible father who take things to the extreme in our childhood and all of his children stopped talking to him. He treated us like we were his property and belittled us all the time, almost as if he hated our existence.

He actually disowned me when I was 15 because I gotten pregnant out of marriage and kicked me out to fend for myself, so I had to figure out how to provide for myself and my child.

My dad ended up contacting me a month after my mom passed away, crying and apologizing on how he treated me and my siblings and asked if we could meet up, I decided to meet up with my dad because even though my dad wasn't the greatest father it doesn't change my love for him. When we met up my dad seem very genuine so I continue seeing him which increased to me seeing 3 times a week.

My dad also tried contacting my sibling but none of them give him the time of day, I spoke to my siblings about the issue and they basically told me to allow him to die a lonely death.

Later on my dad got super sick and I ended up moving in with him with my 2 children to help take care of him. I learn things about about my dad that I never knew and I actually started to love being around him and see him as different person, I choosed to forgive him.

It was hard looking after my dad and my two children as a single mother but I pushed myself through it until his death. But during the hard times I asked my siblings for help and they both mocked me for even helping my dad, told me I should just throw time in an old aged home and even asked for me to take pictures of him so they could see him weak.

My sibling and I relationship use to be super close but ever sense I started talking to my dad they became distant. Now that my dad has passed I have inherited everything from him and learned that my father owned alot more properties and had alot more money then I could have ever imagine.

My siblings feel like they are entitled to some of the inheritance and have told me if I don't give them any they'll stop talking to me and that I'm becoming like my dad. They feel like since they had to go through having my dad as a father that they deserve some kinda payout.

I disagree with them, the reason I got the inheritance is because I gave my dad another chance, I helped him when he was at his weakest and I went through alot juggling raising my children and caring for my dad without any of their help even when I begged them to help me they just made fun of me for helping my dad and choosing to forgive him.

Now forgiveness is a choice and I respect their choice not to forgive but they didn't respect mine to forgive him and added more difficultly to my life. They act like it was ether them or my dad and now are acting like I'm being selfish for not sharing the inheritance my dad left for me. AITA for not giving some of my inheritance to my brother and sister?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NAH but be prepared to lose your siblings over it. You made your choices. Tbh your dad was shitty right up until he died by leaving your siblings out of his will purely for spite. He knew he was a bad father and chose pettiness in the end. You’ve chosen your inheritance over your siblings. You may feel justified but you aren’t in the right and neither was your dad. Your bed is made and it’s time to lay in it.

ghost_of_anansi said:

NAH. I'm also the child of an extremely abusive parent. I have been in a similar incident (one survivor kept all of the inheritance). As the oldest, I actually bore the brunt of the abuse. I got nothing when my dad died.

I went through hell growing up, and in middle age am still coming to grips with some of the damage that was done to me. The selfish one who kept everything could be dying right in front of me, and I wouldn't bat an eye. I shielded them for decades, and then they screwed me over.

I don't know if you're an AH or not, the situation's too complicated for such a simplistic judgement. But I do know, you may be furthering the harm done to your siblings. I do know that you will be changing the way that your siblings see you for the rest of your life. They chose differently than you. They had that right. Everyone must deal with their damage in the ways that they can.

To suggest that people that were abused must continue to have a relationship with their abuser is absurd. You choosing to do so doesn't make you better or more worthy than your siblings. It just means you were at a point in your life where you were able to forgive your father. To suggest that your siblings deserve nothing because they are not able to do that yet is ridiculous.

TripppingRoses said:

NAH overall but your dad sure was and honestly with him cutting the other siblings he abused for years just shows how much of an abusive asshole he was and still is. Honestly I question how genuine he was.

Just one more abusive, spiteful thing your dad did before he passed and if you choose to honor that decision, that's fine, legally it's your inheritance, but you'll have to live with the fallout of that decision.

And TashiaNicole1 said:

NAH. But you’re wrong. Your father didn’t give you that money because you gave him a second chance. Your father gave you that money and properties ro punish your siblings for seeing him for who he was and not sweeping it under the rug for him.

They aren’t entitled to anything. It was your fathers shit to do with as he pleased. But if you think that because they didn’t want anything to do with their abuser they don’t deserve recognition you are just as wrong as your father was.

If they stop speaking to you over that’s their choice. But they would be wrong to punish you for your father. Your father got exactly what he wanted in the end. To be the winner. And boy did he win. He abused you all your entire lives. Somehow managed to get you back in his good graces. And still managed to be abusive in his own right, right down to the very end.

Commenters agree for the most part: NAH. But....it's complicated.

After reading the comments, OP shared this update:

I just want to clarify that I never asked my siblings to come over to my dad's house and care for him, the help I was asking for was to help with their niece and nephew.

During the time my dad was sick there was rules put in place where my dad was only allowed 1 other person at the appointment and his doctors appointments were a half an hour drive away and unfortunately the babysitter for my children moved so I was having difficultly finding a babysitter whom I trust.

I also want to clarify that I am no way upset at them for not choosing to forgive my dad, I'm upset at how they treated me for the choose I made to forgive, build a relationship and care for my dad, they made alot of low blows at me using my past abusive relationship as ammunition.

Now I understand that they are dealing with alot of trauma and me seeing our dad may have opened up some wounds. Maybe they feel like I chosen their abuser over them or whatever reason they had to treat me the way they did. One of you guys made a point being why am I able to forgive my father who done more to me and my siblings but not my siblings, It got me thinking.

I don't want my children to be deprived of a aunt and uncle because of money so I do think the best options is to give them some of the inheritance, I have not figured out the amount I will give them or how I'll divide things.

He also shared this update in the comments:

My father was a military man as well, I realized I never had an chance to actual get to know my dad despite him raising me. I realized my dad suffered from mental health problems and even had a drinking problem. Getting to know him really brought me some healing through the trauma I experienced as a child.

I do truly believed he changed he was a different person, he was caring and seeing him ineract with my children was honestly worth it all, when I was a child it was rare for me to see the gentle side of my dad and I got to live it through my children if that doesn't sound weird. My children love him and are devastated that he's no longer with us.

Thoughts??