'AITA for siding with my pregnant sister's hookup who insists he's not the father of her baby?'
"AITA For Siding With My Sister's Hookup In Paternity Situation?"
So about a three weeks ago, my younger sister (24) came to my house unannounced to tell me something she said was really important. We live 40 minutes for each other so it must have been a big deal. She told me she was pregnant. She’s two months along. She seemed very happy and I was too as she was telling me all her symptoms and how the doctor confirmed it.
We sat and spoke for a while. Eventually the conversation of the babies father came up. She said that it was a guy she slept with once from a dating app. She told him she was pregnant and he was immediately denying being the baby's father. That got me mad and as a overprotective brother, I convinced her to give me his socials to contact him myself.
I dmed him on twitter telling him to call me because I had something urgent to speak to him about. He ended up calling me just a few minutes later. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and heard him out to see his side of the story. Turns out, he slept with my sister on a Friday night, and she texts him the following Wednesday to tell him she’s pregnant.
I was convinced he must have had his dates wrong, but he sent me the screenshots. His Tinder convo with my sister, then just a few days later the pregnancy test results. We spoke more and by the end of the conversation I was certain that my sister was keeping more from me than I thought.
When I spoke to her about my conversation with the guy, she completely shut down and denied that he wasn’t the father. She said he was the only guy she’s slept with since November 2019. And it’s possible to find out you’re pregnant five days later. I’m not the most educated on pregnancy, but even I know it’s impossible.
I told her to get her lies straight and she obviously was already pregnant when she slept with the guy from tinder. And that no one believed her and his request for a dna test is completely under stable. She hung up and stopped answering my calls and texts. It’s been almost a month and we still haven’t spoken.
Her alleged baby father has been getting updates from her about the baby even though he still denies it and passes me along the info. She refuses to grant him a prenatal DNA test.
Our parents were never present so there’s nothing more I’d love than to have a niece/nephew to spoil, but I’m confused on how I can support my sister when I know she’s lying? AITA for not supporting my pregnant sister? I’m curious on how many other possible fathers there can be.
What do you think? AITA? Here are some of the top commenters, and OP's responses:
GabiCoolLager said:
NTA, but you should try to understand what your sister is going through. Apparently this guy is not the father, but why is she lying about it? Something must be happening to her and being pregnant in that position just make things harder.
And OP responded:
Yes I’m very concerned. I’m half mad she’s lying and half anxious on why. She won’t give any answers.
[deleted] said:
This is not the sub for your issue. Judgement aside, can you reach out to your sister and tell her it doesn’t matter who the father is and you will support her no matter what? She is probably terrified and feeling alone, as well embarrassed for being caught in a lie. If you don’t have parents, she probably really needs you right now. Does it even matter who the father is? Your sister is the mother.
And OP responded:
I have and still no reply. I want to be in her and baby life even if she lies about dad but she’s mad I won’t agree with her about this. I wish I could be uncle for the baby and I hope she stops being mad.
And Cardinal_and_Plum said:
NTA. Your sister sounds a tad manipulative. It'll be best when you can get it straight from her what the truth is. It's silly that she feels the need to hide it from you. However, her apparent plan to rope this guy in is incredibly immoral. Luckily if she won't allow a test to be taken, she likely can't try to get any money or other form of child support from him.
SuperFreakingTired said:
"She’s two months along." That is impossible. You cannot sleep with someone on Friday for the FIRST time and then suddenly be 2 months along on Wednesday.
"She refuses to grant him a prenatal DNA test." She's embarrassed. It sounds like she doesn't know who the father is, panicked and just went with the last guy she was with. She owes it to her baby and to that guy to find out the truth. Either way if she keeps denying it but wants financial support, they'll probably have to go to court which she will then have no choice but to get one.
If she was 100% sure he was the father and the only person she slept with, then she would have no problem with taking the test.
"there’s nothing more I’d love than to have a niece/nephew to spoil, but I’m confused on how I can support my sister when I know she’s lying." I would maybe call and see if she can come visit you or if you can visit her. Sit down with her. Tell her you love her, care for her and want to be there for your future nephew/niece.
She's probably scared and feeling really insecure and bad right now. Not to excuse her lying of course, just trying to voice why she may be avoiding you and be acting so insanely. This is doubled by hormones, of course.
Let her know how hard this must be. If your parents weren't there for you guys, I can see how even harder this may be. Let her know you want to lend a hand, but you are also conflicted with this entire DNA test. It ultimately sounds like she doesn't have a lot of support. She may push you away once again but when push comes to shove (pregnancy pun? eh?) she will probably need help and may come to you.
NTA. You're a good brother for being so concerned. Your sister is clearly not in the right headspace.
And OP responded:
That’s what I think. She doesn’t know who father is so she is just guessing. I will send her another text telling her I don’t care about paternity only about baby. She thinks I betraying her for not believing that why I think she’s not replying to me.
Commenters agree: NTA. But they are urging OP to have empathy for his sister, who is clearly struggling with a difficult situation.
What do you think?