'AITA for telling my half-siblings to take a DNA test before going over our dad's will?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my half siblings to take a DNA test?"

I (34F) am my the firstborn child from my father's (68M) second marriage. My dad married his previous wife (60sF most likely above 65) very young as she had gotten pregnant with my oldest halfbrother "Mark" (48M) they had two more children in total together "Mindy" and "Martin" (44F, 40M). They got divorced cause his previous wife was cheating on him with another married man.

He later on married my mom a few years later and we're four siblings in total Me, "Adam", "Anna" and "Aaron" (30M, 26F, 23M). There have always been rumors that my two youngest half siblings, Mindy and Martin, aren't my dad's but the AP's children but we've dismissed them as we don't have much of relationship with them from the get go.

Their mother is a really toxic person who we've avoided most our lives and because of her the relationship between our half siblings has always been strained. Dad is a hugely successful business owner and he has always provided for all his children. He has paid for all our educations so we all could live a debt free life, has helped atwith businesses or getting us work, even helped us buy our own homes.

A few years ago when Martin was jailed for fraudulent checks my father paid off all his fines, bail and lawyer fees which included the amount he owed all 300k in total. Yet he hasn't received so much as a thank you from any of my half siblings on the other hand they constantly fight with him accusing him of liking my siblings and I over them and resent my mother for no apparent reason.

They've always used my father as a money bag and felt entitled to it in fact. Mark recently came over to dad and told him that he needs to know what Dad intends to leave them in his will to make sure they will be treated fairly. This pissed me off as dad is healthy and fit as ever. I suggested ALL of dad's children take a DNA test then we can go over his will and what he wishes to leave us.

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say soon I was getting angry calls from my half siblings and their mother calling me all sorts of names and their mother even called me a "wicked foolish little wench". While dad hasn't said much on the matter he has become awfully quiet which is what he does when he's upset whether it's with me or my half brother what I'm unsure about.

My mother did say that I shouldn't have said anything knowing how volatile my dad's former wife and half siblings can be and we could've dealt with this issue when the time was right. So AITA here?

Edit: I feel there needs to be more backstory as some of you think I'm being greedy or want the money for myself. That's not the case, while I thank my dad as I wouldn't be where I am today without his help, I'm very financially stable and can live a comfortable life without his inheritance.

Same goes for most of my siblings only the youngest who has chosen to join my father's business is slightly dependent on him but he is a very hard worker and my father is very proud of him. As for my half siblings, when we were kids my father tried to take Mark under his wing and had him join the company.

Taught him all the ropes and as in every work environment you're expected to wake up early and do your job. Mark didn't like this calling my father a bad father as he was spoiling us rotten yet expected him to act as his slave. He was an adult then but wanted to be treated the same as a child to wake up late, not have any responsibilities and get paid for doing basically nothing.

His mother backed him up and bad mouthed my father wherever she went. After a huge fight where he insulted my father in front of his employees, my dad fired him (Mark says he quits). It was the same with the other two. Mindy started a fight bringing her mother along to face my father as to why her mother doesn't have nice jewelry like my mother does and how he raised them in poverty.

My father's business was in the early stages then but they were far from poor. They went to the best private schools and my father got their mother diamond rings, expensive necklaces and even bought her gold bangles from a trip to Iran. Yes it wasn't as much as today but they still felt she was entitled to the same treatment as his current wife my mother.

All the while, their mother sat silent acting like the victim. That's why I say this isn't the first time they've done this and I hate to see my dad's blood pressure go up because of them. He's the type of person who'll go silent when angry then blow up like a volcano when provoked. And it's always because of my half siblings. This might seem like a lie but we value our father more than the money.

So I told them to get a DNA test to put them in their place. The money they feel entitled to and the father they have been bad mouthing all these years all for a woman who has been lying and manipulating them all their lives. Yes I did it out of pettiness but if I'm being honest I don't regret it one bit. In fact I wish I had said it sooner. I'll take the a$$hole title with pride if it comes to it.

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

ghostofumich2005 said:

"he has become awfully quiet which is what he does when he's upset whether it's with me." YTA NOT your place to say that or make demands. You need to apologize to your dad. Whether they are his biologically or not, he views them as his kids. That is his choice, not yours. I get your frustrations, but you are going to come off as worse than them in your dad's eyes now.

Wobblingoblin01 said:

YTA. Your dad obviously knows that there’s a chance any of the older kids may not be his since the SM cheated on him and that’s why they divorced but obviously he’s still treating them the same. If he had any reservations he could’ve gotten a paternity test in any of the previous 40+ years since they’ve been born.

A paternity test probably will not matter as he’s been treating these kids as his since they’ve been born. It’s none of your goddamn business who or what he leaves in his will or whether they are or are not his biological children. I know Mark was being rude in asking what he was going to get but your snarky remark did not make anything better. You need to apologize to your Dad.

happybanana134 said:

ESH. Bringing up the will was tacky, yes. But it's not your place to tell your dad who his 'real' kids are and push for dna tests.

[deleted] said:

YTA. All you had to say was, “Dude, Dad’s not dead yet.” Instead, not only did you effectively validate the will talk and grubbing over who gets what, you made it about an issue that’s clearly already settled in your dad’s eyes. Mindy and Martin are his kids, period. You don’t need to like it, but you need to quit using the rumors as justification for that.

Commenters agreed: YTA.

Later, OP shared this update:

The last few days have been eventful to say the least. After the original post, I sat down with my dad and we talked about the issue a bit. I began by apologising if my behaviour upset him and if he wants me to never bring up the issue again I won't. He laughed for a bit as is his nature then told me how he always liked that I check up on him.

It's been a habit of mine ever since I was a kid to check up on my parents if they were upset with me after I had done something that didn't please them. We reminisced a few of those stories before he got to the point.

Obviously the thought that Martin and Mindy might not be his had crossed his mind but in our culture being an illegitimate child, or having an affair, or the fact that your wife cheated on you with another man is thought as shameful at the time so not many people knew outside the family.

That's why his previous wife was able to twist the narrative and blame my father and his family for abandoning them. She told her children that my father's sister's conspired against her and my dad threw her out which was why they had so much resentment for him and his family all these years.

My father said he doesn't give much value to money as over the years he's seen many losses and many profits but he wants to keep his name so he asked me to never bring up the issue as long as he's alive. Although he did give us the option to seek it after his death. I apologised hi again profusely and told him I'm not interested in every bringing up the subject ever again.

I'm also thinking of talking with my own siblings and I think they'll be understanding and will accept dad's wishes. My dad also said while he has had his doubts about Martin he feels Mindy is his as she has a striking resemblance to his mother, she died when my dad was 14 and the only picture we have of her is really blurry.

So I can see how we missed that Dad also asked me to be in charge of going over his will with the others, but I told him that was a bad idea as Mark wouldn't take it well after our last confrontation so I suggested an older cousin who's a bit younger than Mark.

While the cousin is fair and neutral on the subject, Mark doesn't like him one bit cause he's a really successful business man and Mark is all talk and no show so it'll be entertaining to say the least. Then I got a call from Mindy last night. I thought she'd blow up on me but she was very civil the whole time.

Out of the three Mindy is probably the only one who has had some sort of a fatherly relationship with dad and the few times she has lashed out was most likely under the influence of her mother. She opened up to me how she has had doubts about her identity her whole life and me bringing it up really hurt her.

I can't go over the whole conversation because of the character limit but I got what you all were saying I truly was TA. I never thought that my comments which I thought were only targeting Mark could hurt so many people. I ended up apologising to her and told her how wrong I was also that I had no intention of bringing up the subject ever again.

I won't go over the details of dad's will cause it doesn't matter except my inheritance (while still a lot of money I won't lie about that) is on the smaller side compared to the others half siblings included and that was the intention even before the argument as I'm the most financially well off amongst the siblings.

I realise now how wrong I was and from now on if I feel the need to defend myself against Mark or his mother or anyone else I'll make sure my comments don't hurt anyone else. Thanks to everyone for opening my eyes to how wrong I was.