'AITA for wanting to kick my husband out for my birthday weekend?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for wanting to kick my husband out for a weekend?"

My birthday weekend is coming up and my husband asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted the house to myself the Friday and Saturday of my birthday weekend. I want my closest gal pal, (of 15 years), to come over as we share a birthday and it is our 30th. I said that he could go to his mom and dad's where the kids, dog, and us already have bedrooms available. I explained I just want a break.

I know if my husband is here he will constantly be asking me to do thinks like, laundry, dishes, trash, sweeping, care for the dogs, cook, where is this r that, and store runs. Also my husband often has an unconscious habbit of making people think he thinks he is better than them. I have been incredibly stressed out lately and just WANT TO BE LEFT THE HELL ALONE! For a weekend.

He says he does not want to be at his parents and is not going to be kicked out of our house. His parents are very kind BTW. He offered to get me a hotel but my girlfriend and I would like to do acrylic painting, nails, light cooking and drinking and I don't want to lug all that to a hotel with the chance of forgetting something. I want to be comfy in my own space.

AITA for asking him to leave? I just know he is going to unintentionally s#$t on my birthday because he doesn't believe in them. He is a good guy but he just won't stop asking me to do things and I am fed up with it.

What do you think? AITA for asking her husband to leave for the weekend? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NAH but, uh, it sounds like you may have a deeper relationship issue here...

cool-kid103 said:

LOL, YTA. You don’t want to move your stuff to a hotel for a weekend? How do your husband and kids feel about moving their stuff? I know it’s your day or whatever but you and your friend could go to her house/a hotel and it would inconvenience fewer people

Historical-Piglet-86 said:

Sorry.....YTA. I’m a homebody and if my partner tried to boot me from my house.....that wouldn’t go down well. Take your husband up on the hotel offer. That’s a perfectly reasonable compromise (you can do all those things in a hotel). He’s also likely hurt you don’t want to spend your bday with him, but I think kicking him out of a house he owns (or pays rent?) is crossing the line

Chinchilladon said:

NTA. Sounds like he makes you do everything around the house, is condescending by acting like he's better than others, and he's a "good guy?" Doesn't sound that great to me. Plus he specifically asked you what you wanted and you told him directly what that was.

If he doesn't want to go to his parents' house, tell him to use the hotel room money for himself so you can have the house for your birthday weekend.

snow_whiteish said:

I don’t understand why OP wants to exclude her Husband from her birthday celebrations? He must be so hurt by this.

MocequaDePerigo said:

YTA. It is a really unkind message to tell your husband that the birthday gift you want from him is for him to be gone. If it were me, I'm not saying I'd do anything dramatic, but it would send a hell of a message of how much I am valued in a relationship and might change my view of it and definitely would damage the relationship. It would make more sense for you to go somewhere with your friend.

Academic_Nobody_4964 said:

NTA- but I do get why this is a sensitive request. Like you’re sister said, he’s probably upset that you don’t wanna spend your birthday with him, but that doesn’t make you the AH. You have valid reasons for needing the house to be empty to enjoy yourself. Maybe shine a light on his behavior so he can do some reflecting?

Point out that it’d be impossible for you to enjoy time with your friend because he always interrupts asking for favors, and all you want for your birthday is a weekend where you don’t have to cater to everyone else’s needs. It sucks because it is both of your house. Could you maybe do it at your friend’s house? Really try expressing to him, in a non argumentative way, how much it would mean to you.

AboutTimeILived said:

NTA My ex sounds like your husband (though thankfully I never gave into his pressure for kids). People who have never been stuck living with someone who never, ever just lets them be alone for bit have no idea.

I’d have thought after this long in a pandemic that people would understand that the biggest gift is being alone in your own space with no one demanding you adjust your behavior or do something for them.

Commenters are divided about 50/50, with half of commenters claiming YTA and the others saying NTA. What do you think?

She later shared this series of updates:

Update #1:

My husband never has packed his own bag, any trips I pack for everyone. To go to my inlaws he has a dresser with clothes and thing there, so it is a very minor inconvenience. My husband also would not be parenting, his parents watch the kids when they are there even if he is there. He would only have to take the dogs running and out to the potty and feed them which I usually do.

They get up early to potty and I just want to sleep in. My mil offered her house to me, as they could stay here they also have a room and stuff at our home, because she felt bad that he said no, but I told her I would never intrude on them like that and that it was ok. They still want the kids that weekend and that is fine enough. It just is what it is I guess.

Update #2:

I am anything but a bully and I do not hate my hubby. The problem is I am a push over, so if he asks me to do something I will do it so I don't want to be asked. He asked what I wanted for my bday, I told him, he said no just sent the kids, I said ok. We do not really fight ever. He is nice he just a little romantically clueless.

Apparently IATAH, but a lot of you say it is because it is a big inconvenience to move several people apposed to one person. I take the dogs and kids and spend one weekend a month at his parents so he can get a break and it is no inconvenience. We have room and a bathroom there with our stuff in them. He just doesn't want to spend time with his dad, who is nice but a little oblivious and kinda aloof.

Third and final update:

my husband and I talked about it and he said to send the kids to his parents, they love it there, and he wants to stay and will do his best to make my birthday nice. He acknowledged that he is not a sentimental guy and sometimes forgets these thing are important to other people and feels genuinely bad that he made me feel bad for wanting to celebrate it.

I did tell him that I am not happy with the breakdown of work and he agreed that a third party would be good to consult. We have done couples counseling once prior to marriage, just to discuss a plan of where to move, joint or unjoint accounts, etc.

So, we will be giving that another try. I did apologize if I had made him feel bad for not wanting him here and that I have been a little grumpy with him. I think all will be fine in the end and as long as I get to spend time painting with my friend and reminiscing on old times while sipping champagne. Thank you all for the advice.