'AITA for telling my husband I’m going to leave him if he doesn’t lose weight before the year ends?'
"AITA for telling my husband I’m going to leave him if he doesn’t lose weight before the year ends?"
aniness
My husband was always a large man but I thought we both had an understanding that him gaining weight was a bad idea. I was okay with him sticking to his weight (280 lbs when we met) but I was open that any more weight would be a major issue with me for health reasons.
…Then life happened and we BOTH gained 40 lbs. I knew I couldn’t possibly judge him when I had gained the same amount (even though I was still much healthier BMI-wise) so I looked passed it at first. Then it finally hit me that I should lose weight and I’m now only 10 lbs heavier than I was when we met, and passionately working on losing the rest.
My husband on the other hand has kept on gaining. He’s now a whopping 350 lbs. It hurts me to watch him struggle to breathe while doing basic tasks. I cook all of our meals and make sure that they’re healthy but he’s either eating a LOT or he’s eating outside.
He works while I stay home so naturally he’s probably eating out. We also have a cheat day once a week so he could be going a bit too crazy on that day. I don’t know.
But anyway I wasn’t aware of how truly bad he had gotten until I asked him to weigh himself with my scale. Just out of sheer curiosity. When 350 lbs came back, I kind of lost it.
I told him that I am too young (we’re 27) to tie myself down to a man who I’ll probably lose in a couple of decades. I straight up told him that if he doesn’t lose weight before the year ends, I’m filing for divorce.
I can’t waste my final smithereens of youth. I deserve someone I can grow truly old with, not have to start over as a 50-something widow (or not even be able to start over because I’m his caregiver).
He got very hurt that I could tell him such a thing and called me horrible for being ready to drop him over this when he’s a great husband. He is a great husband, that’s undeniable.
But there’s a possibility I can find someone who’s also great but will actually be with me when I’m fully grey. And also- the biological clock is ticking. I want children before it’s too late. How is he going to be the best father he can when he can’t even bend down? AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
kiwi62300
The way you approached the conversation was bad, however I get where you’re coming from. You need to sit down with him and have a more constructive conversation about your concerns for his health and how it effects your future.
BeardManMichael
Oof. You handled that about as well as trying to make a lead balloon float. You went 0 to 100 so goddamn quick right there. I can't get behind that type of irrational response that you had. NTA for seeing that he needed to lose weight. YTA for approaching this problem in the worst way possible.
New_Pea1637
Did you ask him nicely before threatening him?
AsparagusOverall8454
If the roles were reversed and your husband came at you full charge saying you were fat and if you didn’t lose weight you’d divorce him, how would you respond? I’m guessing you’d be on here calling your husband all sorts of names.
You’re an ahole for how you delivered it. If you love someone there are better ways to say you are concerned for them. You don’t talk to the person you love the way you did. YTA.
UnplannedAgenda
Messaging NTA. Delivery YTA.
Funny how if the gender roles were reversed we would be pulling out the crucifix.
sept_douleurs
YTA. He probably does need to lose weight but shaming and ultimatums basically never work. You need to approach the issue with tact and compassion. Do you work out together? If you don’t, maybe you could start. That way you’d be spending quality time together too.
BeardManMichael
This is a good suggestion. I hope the OP can step back, apologize to her husband, and work through this problem more slowly.
praisecarcinoma
She could also suggest he go to the doctor and get blood work done, check his cholesterol and other levels. See if the doctor can put him on phentermine or something similar that isn't outrageously expensive. Encourage him to start seeing a personal trainer.
Also, if she cooks at home, and he's still gaining weight, what is she feeding him? Is she not raising concerns if there's excessive, or any, needless snack purchases during grocery runs? I get it shouldn't be all on her to save him, but seems like she's enabled this issue until now and suddenly freaks out and gives him ultimatums in the most heartless way she can.
Dipshitistan
He does need to lose the weight. But honestly, if I'm him in the situation you described, I'd drop about 250 pounds, and a portion of that would be you.
threadsoffate2021
I get why you did it, but the way you did it was horrible, and will likely make it even harder for him to lose weight.
VidaliaU
I can tell you for sure that threats/demands like that are not going to be successful for him to lose weight. It has to come from within him to change his lifestyle, and this will have the opposite effect. Maybe you're not the AH, but not very smart.
semasswood
YTA! Yes, definitely divorce him… for his benefit!!! Everyone deserves a spouse that is caring and unselfish. Yes, he will be hurt and morn the loss of a wife and marriage he THOUGHT he had.
But he will heal slowly as he realizes the true nature of his wife and marriage. And hopefully he will find a woman that not only supports him, in both good times and bad, but also encourages him in a positive manner.