'I skipped my dad's retirement party because my mom likes my ex-wife more than me, AITA?'

I refused to go to my dad's retirement party because my mom isn't over my divorce.

Unlucky_Education109 writes:

My wife (30) and I (42) have two children (15M, 2F). I met my wife when she was a student in a trades program I used to teach. She was 20 and working hard to support herself and her son. I helped her with her studies, and when she left school, I wished her well.

She returned for her second and then third year of instruction. I literally watched her go from barely an adult to a competent tradesperson. I helped her get a job with a company that trusts me to give recommendations for employees with potential.

She came back to see me when she got her white hat, which means she was given a foreman position. She came by to thank me for the help. I told her that she did everything herself, and all I did was point her in the right direction.

We went for coffee, then a couple of lunches, then dinner, and so on. We got married about a year later. About two years after that, our daughter was born. She went back to work, and I took a job with a company as QC.

I know that's a lot of backstory, but it's relevant. My ex-wife is my mom and dad's favorite person. They like her more than they like me, even after she divorced me because I stuck with teaching instead of making bank in the field. I've seen hundreds of relationships fall apart in my trade because the guy is never home.

I am the only guy I know in the trades whose wife left him because he was home too much. She divorced me three years before I met my new wife. But my parents still invite her to family events. She ended up marrying a teacher like herself, and they seem happy. Maybe it was just me she didn't want around. We had no kids together.

So my dad retired from his big deal job, and my mom had a big party for him. When she invited me, she said it would be boring and that I didn't need to bring my son. She has known him since he was 10 years old, and it still bugs her that he is not biologically mine.

I asked if my nieces and nephews were coming, and she said yes. I asked if my daughter was invited, and she said yes. I said I would talk to my wife about it and let her know.

I didn't bother. Anywhere my kid isn't welcome, I'm not going to go. I took my family to LEGOLAND that weekend instead. My son loves LEGO, and my daughter loves the bright colors. My mom was pissed that we didn't go.

She told everyone that I chose to spoil my kids instead of celebrating my father with family. I told my brother, sisters, and my dad that she tried to get me to not bring my son. They all lost it on her.

Now she is crying because everyone is mad at her for excluding my son and causing me to skip my dad's party. I would have kept my mouth shut if she had kept my name out of her mouth.

All of my family, including my dad, have accepted my son into the family. My mom is the only one that has a problem with me adopting him. She is still mad I did not make it work with my ex. The reason I did not just show up with my entire family or tell everyone ahead of time why I would not be there is that I did not want a scene at my dad's party.

I would rather be the inconsiderate jerk that goes on vacation than wreck a family event. And I did not want to expose my son to my mom and her passive-aggressive behavior. She thinks that I was mean for exposing her. I just wanted a nice, stress-free weekend with my family.

Here are the top comments:

dheffe01 asks:

NTA, was your ex invited?

OP responded:

Her mom and dad are friends with my parents. Their whole family was there.

Immediate-Bee-5214 says:

NTA You chose to do what was best for your family. Your mother purposely excluding your son because he isn’t biologically yours is horrible. I would honestly go low contact or no contact with her because she isn’t going to stop trying to exclude him from the family.

So, until she accepts him, I would go LC or NC for his sake. He doesn’t need to be exposed to someone so toxic. He’s a child and needs to be protected from those kind of people… I’m proud of you, OP, for standing up for your son.

SkaDice131 says:

NTA (Not the A%@#ole) - If she felt her reasoning for excluding your son was reasonable and justified, then what is the problem with telling the other members of the family? She's upset because she knows she was in the wrong and got busted.

You did the right thing. I too would have preferred to go to Legoland than an uncomfortable family situation where you don't feel welcome.

OP responded:

I met him for the first time when he was 4. He is an amazing kid and one of the happiest days of my life was the day I adopted him

Aflameisfitful says:

NTA. It so clearly was not about not having peoples’ kids at the party— it was just about excluding him because he’s not “blood”, and if I’m reading between the lines correctly, probably also a healthy helping of moral shame for divorcing your former wife and marrying a new woman who had a kid so young.

No kid deserves to be treated this way, especially not a teenager, when things are already so hard emotionally. You did the right thing. Side note: If it were me, I’d be keeping both kids away from her from now on.

She doesn’t get to pick and choose her grandkids, and I wouldn’t want to expose either of my children to her passive aggressive behavior. Also, if I hadn’t already, I’d talk with my wife about how she’s been treated at family functions in the past, because I’d be willing to bet there’s been a lot of questionable behavior there, too.

NSCButNotThatNSC says:

NTA. Your mom created the conflict, not you. Her attitude towards your son is awful. She deserves the shame.