'AITA for refusing to pay for half of my ex-girlfriend’s flight that she can’t use because we broke up?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to pay for half of my ex-girlfriend’s flight that she can’t use because we broke up, and now possibly not even mine?"
My girlfriend (F24) and I (M25) broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her call than mine, but we both knew things weren’t going well for a while. So, I was sad but not surprised. We ended things amicably and said we’d still be friends, whatever that means.
Anyway, we did the exchange of things in each other’s apartment a couple days after the break up and then didn’t talk again until two days ago when she texted me. We had been planning to go on a trip to the Canary Islands this year. The plane tickets were about $800 a piece and the AirBnb was like $1600, so we decided I’d just pay for the AirBnb and she’d pay for the flights.
The flights were non-refundable and we’re already past the date that I’d get any meaningful refund from the AirBnb, so I decided I’d just get a friend to split the AirBnb and go anyway.
I had been planning on telling my ex that I’d pay her for my ticket so she didn’t lose the money, but she texted me about it first. On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
She said OK, but I actually needed to pay her for my ticket and half of the cost of hers because she can’t use it now. Basically, she says that she agreed to buy two plane tickets under the understanding that we would both go to on the trip.
And I agreed to pay for an AirBnb under the same understanding. But since that’s not happening, we should evenly share the lost costs. Since I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that.
I told her that I didn’t think that’s fair at all. First of all, it was her idea to break up. So the reason we aren’t going is on her. Second, there’s no reason why she can’t use her ticket. She should just get an airbnb and still go with her friend. I even said I’d sit in her friend’s seat and let her friend in my seat so they can sit together. Whether or not she uses her ticket is on her, and she bears any cost of that.
She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me and also the good AirBnbs are taken for that time. Anyway, we went back and forth and she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back.
So I said, “You know what, go ahead cancel them, get whatever refund you can. I’ll just buy my own ticket and not pay you back anything.” She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick. Let’s talk about this later when you can be mature.”
That’s where it is right now. My friends are divided. Most say I should at least pay her for my ticket. Which I’m willing to do if she doesn’t cancel it! But some say I should pay for half of hers as well. I’m sticking firm that I won’t pay for half of her ticket, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sea-Tea-4130 said:
NTA - at this point, do not engage her about this trip again. You already said the original agreement was she buy the tix and you do the airbnb so she can’t come at you for repayment because the original agreement was not breeched. Let her keep the ticket and simply buy you & your friend your own.
You may even find a better deal on tickets the closer to your trip. I have a friend who retired (executive position at an airport) and he goes on a website that he says gives the best prices and comparisons (airfarewatchdog). Go and have fun.
teresajs said:
NTA. The cost of the Airbnb was $1600. The cost of the flights was $800 each, $1600 total. If either you or your Ex wants to go on the trip, they should be out $800 for their flight plus $1600 for the accomodations. Your Ex wants to just pay you $800 for the accomodations on top of her $800 for her flight, leaving you to eat the entire cost of your flight. That isn't fair.
It would be risky, at this point, to allow your Ex to stay in the Airbnb booked in your name. If she caused damage, you could be held responsible. Your Ex can book her own accomodations at whatever the cost is and use her flight tickets. It's not your problem.
And if she won't transfer your ticket to you (for which you should pay her), she can eat the cost of that and you can book your own flights. It should be obvious that you aren't going to remain "friends."
LouisV25 said:
NTA. She is the unreasonable one in this situation. There is no such “share the loss.”There is no world in which she is owed half of her ticket. Sounds like she wants you to contribute to a rebooking fee and new AirBnB.
I would call the airline to see if she can cancel the ticket. If she can, I would rebook my ticket and not pay her anything. There is no way that I would put myself in a position to pay her and have her cancel my ticket.
Her demands and attitude are unreasonable. Each of you paid $1600 so there is no loss. She’s mad that she couldn’t get a nice AirBnB and wants you to pay. NOTICE SHE IS NOT OFFERING TO PAY FOR HER HALF OF THE HOUSE.
SubarcticFarmer said:
She was willing to make you eat the cost of your plane ticket. If her offer had been to cover half the cost of your ticket her request for you to pay half the cost of hers would make sense. Who broke up with her and who initiated doesn't matter in this case and that's kind of AH to try to make that kind of comparison.
That said, if you can use the plane ticket then it's right to reimburse her for it. Normally I would say he request for half of her ticket so you both share the loss would be appropriate but she didn't offer that to you when she thought she was using the accommodations and her ticket so I don't believe that level of sharing loss applies.
If you want the moral high ground, pay for your ticket to her and just buy new ones. Then you both lost on the tickets. If you want to be able to use the ticket though, you'll probably need to pay half of hers. NTA.
UPDATE:
Hey, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I got so much more advice than I was expecting, and I appreciate it. A lot of you were saying the airline could do something. I told that to my ex, and she actually bought the tickets from a discount agency online and there was no refund possibility. If you’re curious, I can tell you how it all ended.
I eventually told my ex that I was not going to pay her more than the $800 for my ticket under any circumstances, and she could take it or leave it and I’d just get my own ticket. She later asked if I’d be willing to let her use the AirBnb if she paid me the entire $1600, basically letting me out of the whole trip all together.
To be honest, the Canary Islands were her idea in the first place. It’s not like it’s my #1 destination. I could take the money and go somewhere that I am more interested in. I asked my friend who was going to go with me if he’d be interested in something cheaper and closer. He hadn’t bought his plane ticket yet because he was waiting for me to sort everything out with my ex.
We looked at options and decided to accept her offer and go to Belize. I had my ex agree in writing to pay for any fees or damages incurred at the AirBnb. I really don’t think there will be any. She’s not the type of person to damage a hotel room or something, but I just want to be sure.
I got Venmoed the money by a male coworker of hers. They have been work friends for a while now, and I have met him a couple of times. I don’t know if this is like a couple’s thing or what. I don’t really think she cheated on me with him. I could see maybe her being interested in him possibly being a factor for our breakup. But I don’t even know if they are together or going as friends.
At the end of the day, I don’t really care what she does. I got my money back, she gets her vacation. I’m guessing her coworker also bought his own plane ticket, so at the end of the day he’s the one eating the $800 loss. So he can have fun with that. My ex and I are technically “amicable” again, but I don’t really plan on talking to her again. Thanks again for the advice.
Here's what top commenters had to say after the update:
jadorky said:
Having the guy send you the money was some kind of idiotic highschool flex. Good on ya, OP. You’re a level-headed problem-solver and you’re going to be just fine.
KigDeek said:
Now there's the reason she decided to check out on that relationship. You can deny it all you want but she did you dirty. Well like you said, you don't give AF anymore so good for you. And, you can't be friends with this gal. Don't just go NC on her, block her.
Choice_Pool_5971 said:
Good you got your money back, but please have some self respect and cut off your ex. It is pretty obvious she dumped you to screw that guy. And is mad disrespectful of her to bring the new f boy to the trip she planned with you. Guarantee you that in a few weeks she will want to talk and have and ask for another chance after finishing having her back blown by the new guy.