Sister refuses to protect autistic brother from angry classmates. ‘He’s not vulnerable, he’s a bully.’ AITA?
"AITA for refusing to protect my brother from the consequences of his actions?"
My younger brother (15m) is autistic. My parents drilled it into me since we were little that he'd need me to protect and stand up for him because the world doesn't understand people like my brother and their struggles.
But really the only struggles he has is how he talks to people in general. He doesn't have a hard time around groups, noise or anything like that. He has no sensory problems or issues learning or doing what he likes.
He's just very entitled and thinks he's so great and should get what he wants. He thinks the people he likes should like him back and if he wants to be friends with you then you need to be friends with him and when someone doesn't want to be his friend he's so aggressive about it. And he turns into a bully.
He's also a jerk when he has a crush and the girl doesn't reciprocate. Like he has called girls b-words if they didn't like him back and he calls others s*u+s if they end up with boyfriends and not with him.
There was a kid who he really bullied too because my brother wanted to be his friend, but he was so aggressive about it and the kid didn't want to be friends back. So he started tripping him up whenever he saw him, and he tried to embarrass him in class, would follow him around and call him unintelligent and all kinds of stuff. This kid had a stutter and my brother would mock him for not talking right.
My parents tried to defend him to the school but the school was like no, he deals with consequences. But this kid has a brother and ever since school ended for summer and my brother started at a camp, he's had to deal with the kids brother.
The kids brother has started bullying him back and even called him a freak who needs to be locked up and kept away from others. My parents were horrified but I wasn't. I kinda agree because he gets so bad about being rejected and even gets physical.
My parents wanted me to intervene and protect my brother but I said these are the consequences of his actions and I won't protect him from them. I told them I won't defend someone like him. They said I'm 17, almost an adult, and I should be looking out for those who are vulnerable like my brother. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. It seems like he is using his diagnosis of autism to be a total jerk he knows right from wrong.
Spirited-Society-229 (OP)
Our parents let him do it too.
You parents are enabling him. They should be preparing him for life, not trying to cover for him when he's being an AH.
Spirited-Society-229 (OP)
That'd be helpful but I don't think they see that as a priority.
NTA - autism isn't an excuse for his behaviour.
Once again another story where parents have failed their autistic child by expecting nothing from them. This boy should have had therapy and education on how to be the best person he could be. How to function positively with others. Instead they have coddled him to the point he is intolerable to be around.
NTA. Just because your brother has autism doesn't mean he gets to be an AH, and expect to get away with it. Your parents coddling him and enabling him like this is going to cost your brother in the long run, and maybe even you as an innocent bystander since you're related to him. The fact someone hasn't beaten him up yet is kind of a miracle, and he's on the way for that to happen at some point.
NTA. I'm autistic, and I would never use it as an excuse to be a jerk. If I read a social cue wrong and say something rude or insensitive, and hurt someone's feelings, I feel TERRIBLE about it. And I do everything I can to not do it again. I don't always succeed, but I try.
I've also known people who are just AHs and then try to use their autism as an excuse, and it's like, "no, you didn't misread someone, you knew exactly what you were doing and smiled as you did it."
Some people get othered and do everything they can to make sure no one else feels like that, and some get othered and then say, "I can't wait until it's MY turn to step on someone." Your brother needs to understand the consequences of his actions, because the adult world is gonna let him know real soon, and his parents won't be there to protect and coddle him.
NTA, your parents have raised a bully. They have failed as parents..He is going to end up in jail. Back away and let the consequences happen. Hopefully he will learn before he is a legal adult.
NTA And this from a diagnosed autistic adult. Your parents were present, but forgot the parenting bit. The failed him by allowing him to use autism as excuse (hint, it is not). They failed by not teaching him the difference between honey and vinegar.
And, autistic or not , a bully deserves what het gets. My kid also was socially awkward, clingy and almost at the bully stage. Took us bleeping ages to let him comprehend that if he chooses to do X, others will do Y. And when he jumps into water, he should not complain about getting wet.
It is past time your parents discard the babying and coddling him, and maybe be parents for once. Or if nothing else, teachers. Because sooner or later he will meet someone angrier, meaner and stronger than him, and will FO after parents kept encouraging him to FO.