'WIBTA for not accepting the condition of shortening my wedding ceremony?' 'I should be the bigger person.'
"WIBTA for not accepting the condition of shortening my wedding ceremony?"
A couple of days ago my fiancée (28F) attended my cousin's bridal shower. My cousin's MOH was there and my fiancée interacted with her while my other cousin and her friend were there to witness this interaction. Somehow, the topic came up about our wedding and the MOH's wedding.
It was then that my fiancée learned that both our wedding and the MOH's wedding ceremony were going to be at the same church. However, it was revealed that MOH's ceremony was supposed to be at the same time as ours. My fiancée had brought this to her attention and she started becoming upset. She stated they had booked the ceremony a year in advance through her aunt who is the bookkeeper of the church.
She also claimed that her father donated a lot of money to the church and because of that, whenever she wanted the ceremony to be, she would definitely have her way. Our ceremony and situation would therefore need to be sorted out on our end because she claimed with confidence that we were somehow wrong in what we believed.
After this interaction, my fiancée was also upset and my other cousin and friend felt the MOH was out of line for her attitude and comments. After the bridal shower, we spoke on the phone and she relayed what happened. I too was upset that such things were said as we were seemingly in the wrong.
After my fiancée consulted her mom, they decided to call the priest directly the following day in order to make sure what was going on and that hopefully he did not provide us the wrong information or write down the wrong date. After an anxiety filled night and morning, he confirmed with my fiancée we were in fact the couple set for that date and time.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it, as he called a couple of hours later. He told us the MOH'S family reached out to him to also confirm information and that they do not have that day for their ceremony. He then asked my fiancée if we were willing to cut our time and ceremony as we would normally be alloted an hour after the ceremony for pictures and other things we wanted to do in the church.
He stressed that he did not want to sway our decision in any way and that he would respect what we decide as it was solely at our discretion. Because of the negative experience we had with the MOH, and the fact that neither her nor her family reached out to us directly, we would not be cutting our time short so that they may have a ceremony on the same day.
After speaking with my mom and aunt about what went on, they didn't really support our feelings on the matter. My aunt also said I should be the bigger person and accept the condition so that the MOH could have her ceremony. I'm now conflicted, so WIBTA?
EDIT:
I appreciate all your comments as it definitely helped me to confirm my and my fiancée's feelings on the matter. I also wanted to point out that yes, it was my cousin's MOH and not my fiancée's throughout this entire post.
We don't know her at all and barely know the MOH'S fiance. I also wanted to clarify that when we initially tried to book the church ceremony, the priest informed us there were two time slots for that day, one at 11 AM and one at 2 PM. The 11 AM was already taken so we chose the 2 PM and were told it was fine.
This discussion occurred in September as our marriage class occurred from May-June. What's baffling to us is that in-between when she apparently booked a year in advance, which would mean May, and all the way until September, she did not confirm her time once or even any time after.
If she had confirmed any time before September, we would've known and looked for another church. I will also keep in mind the advice given to have a back up in place in case we do end up strong-armed to relinquish our time.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sidneyreb said:
NTA. IMO being the "bigger person" is seldom in the best interests of the party it's being implored to be a convenient doormat. Suggest the MOH schedule her wedding several hours before yours. Sunrise wedding? Sounds perfect.
jmbbl said:
NTA. If the MOH had approached the situation with any amount of humility or kindness, then you could consider cutting your time short. But given her attitude? No way. The priest has confirmed that the time is yours. End of story.
Rnin85 said:
NTA - Frankly I am tired of people saying “be the bigger person”. They only say that because they think you would be the easiest person to change their minds or the person to not create drama. Keep your ceremony as is. Let the others deal with the fall out.
TitaniaT-Rex said:
NTA. The MOH is a spoiled brat. I can’t help but picture Draco Malfoy sneering and threatening, “wait until my father hears of this!”
lysalnan said:
NTA from the way she spoke to your fiancée you can guarantee that if the positions were reversed she wouldn’t give up a minute of her time for you and I doubt she would really appreciate it if you gave her the time.
Ok_Commercial_3493 said:
NTA Your wedding day is your special day. It costs a small fortune. You shouldn't shorten it or do anything that takes away from that day.