Man chooses same-sex couple over devastated sister to adopt his baby after 'baby mama' disappears. AITA?
"AITA? I won't allow sister to adopt newborn."
I (22M) have been harassed by my parents and sister (37F) for the past 4 days now. My ex (22F) had a baby about a week ago. Failed birth control on both of us. She kept telling me that she wanted this baby despite knowing I would only financially provide.
We discussed abortion and adoption, I didn't force her to either option. Now that the baby is here and in NICU, my ex nowhere to be found. Ignored all my calls/texts. Nothing has been posted on her socials. Her parents can't even get in touch. One of the nurses handed me the car seat from my ex's car.
My sister says she is willing to step up and adopt this baby. I'm not comfortable with that, because her husband (47M) creeps me out. I don't have good feelings about him. I don't have proof, but I feel like he's on some sort of list.
So I found a nice couple who wants to adopt this baby. They have been visiting us at the NICU getting to know me and spend time with the baby. I like this couple. My family doesn't since they want a close adoption.
Plus the couple is two women and my parents are ignorant. The adoption will go through in a couple of weeks in case my ex shows up. For now they could be the legal guardian until everything legal gets settled. Also I took a paternity test and am the biological father. AITA for not allowing my family to adopt this baby?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. They have no sway here. It's your baby and the mother isn't present. You're the defacto guardian. I hope the adoption goes through and the baby has a good life loved by their parents and safe.
If you have a bad feeling about your sister's hubby that's completely valid. I am worried that your ex is dealing with postpartum depression or worse. She probably needs help wherever she is.
Yeah worried about the ex too...hopefully she went to trusted friends.
Time_Dragonfly8179 (OP)
The postpartum depression is worrying me. I still care about my ex. I also want this adoption to go through. Thank you for helping me feel better about the nonsense my family is putting me through.
Always trust your gut. Do NOT let your sister have this baby if her husband gives you the creeps. Those feelings arise for a reason and you cannot put your child in a bad situation.
INFO: In what scenario is an adoption allowed to go through without the biological mother also giving consent when she’s only been gone for one week. Adoptions/law/custody don’t seem to work that fast.
Did she somehow give up parental rights in between giving birth in the hospital and running from the hospital? If this adoption is really happening it doesn’t seem legal although I am not a lawyer and don’t know what country you are from.
But just for the record - biological parents have the say in adoption, no one else. Whoever adopts a baby should get as much family medical information on the biological parents as possible for the child’s sake.
Time_Dragonfly8179 (OP)
The day my ex gave birth is the day she went missing. She signed paperwork to check herself out of the hospital against medical advice. I was called by the hospital liaison. I spoke with a nurse about how I wanted nothing to do with the newborn. I talked to their legal staff.
It's been a week and four days total that I have been trying to contact my ex, dealing with legal, and my family. She is given two weeks to establish parenting rights before this newborn can be placed for adoption. Which then can take more time to be accepted by a judge. Until then the couple I found can be granted guardianship.
It’s YOUR baby, you can choose wherever you think it needs to go.
NTA. What you’re doing is being a good dad. Putting your kid’s wellbeing first. Giving that kid a good family. Good job dad.
The OP later returned to answer some questions from readers.
Edit: I brought up some of the questions some of you had with the hospital liaison. I wasn't informed that my ex had asked about Safe Haven laws. I believe they were giving her or me a grace period to keep biological parents with the biological child.
The couple was found with the help of hospital staff. They were looking to adopt another newborn, but that fell through. I was very vocal with anyone who would listen that I was not going to be a good dad and I needed help with options that I have.
The reason I believe her husband is on some sort of a list: I was 15 when I met my sister's husband. He would give me looks that made me feel uncomfortable. He also tried to get me alone with him so I would try to stay around my mom all the time when he was around.
I refuse to go to their house for any holidays. This does make my parents upset with me and has for years. I told my mom how I felt when I was younger and she brushed it off.