Brother refuses to invite sister to wedding because her plus one is his ex GF. AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister I won't be inviting her to my wedding because I don't agree with her choice of plus one?"
Alarmed-Butterfly559
My sister (turned 28f just a few days ago) and I (28m who will be 29 next month) are half siblings who were "raised" by our mother but we have different fathers. Our childhood was not a good one and our relationship has always been complicated.
The biggest reason is how bad our mother was and how we were raised in a very toxic house but also because sometimes the men our mother would bring to meet us would show more interest in me than in her and it made my sister jealous.
There were also some messed up things done by our mother regarding our fathers that created issues. We never knew these guys so it was easy for our mother to dangle ideas in front of us as kids to provide herself with some entertainment.
I wasn't a great guy in my teens. I had a lot of girlfriends and very much had a reputation for not being great to the girls I was with. One particular ex of mine "Emily" we dated for 2 months and I broke things off with her because I wanted another girl more.
But Emily grew way more attached to me than any of the others and was hurt that I didn't want her and I was a jerk about it at the time. It was a big deal to her and for the next year until graduation she would try to get me back and I was a lot crueler than I needed to be about saying no.
Something that helped me grow as a person and be a better human was my sister finding our grandparents and finding good people who wanted to know us. That, and growing up a lot in college helped.
By the time I was 25 I had realized I was bisexual with a stronger attraction to guys and part of my issues stemmed from self hatred that my mother drilled into me. And I ended up falling in love with an amazing guy.
About a year ago my sister ended up becoming friends with "Emily" and she brought her to dinner at our grandparents once when my fiancé and I were there. "Emily" was angry to see me and while I did apologize, "Emily" needed to be asked to leave by our grandparents because she was ranting and raving at me.
She was expressing very clearly how messed up it was that I ended up with a guy instead of her and how badly I treated her. My sister wasn't that happy our grandparents kicked "Emily" out and they told her she disrespected me and I'm family.
"Emily" still despises me and my sister has stayed in touch with her. "Emily" has tried to contact me and my fiancé as well since the dinner. I found out a while ago that my sister planned to make "Emily" her plus one to my wedding and I told her I did not want that and it didn't seem appropriate.
My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. We bickered over it and it all resulted in a week ago me telling my sister I wouldn't invite her then. My sister was saying I was as much of a jerk as I was back then and how shitty it is to not invite her over her choice of plus one. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
RoyallyOakie
NTA...It's obvious that there will be unneeded drama if Emily attends. Why your sister wants to bring that to your wedding day is baffling, but she can suffer the consequences of her choices.
freerange_chicken
NTA, goodness y’all are almost 30. What happened in your teens was maybe not great but… it’s been a long time, and at least from what you’ve written, you just ended things with her because you were interested in someone else? As teenagers?
The response from “Emily” seems over the top, unless something else happened that you’ve omitted. But based on what you say, the main driver of “Emily” being angry and shouting at your grandparents’ house is biphobia.
Even if she still has an issue with how you treated her when you were together, which again seems kind of odd she’d be so hung up after so long, the bigotry has no place, especially not at your wedding. It’s also a bit strange that your sister would plan for “Emily” to be her plus one at your wedding; surely she knows the history??
Katapotomus
NTA. You not only can ban people from your wedding but I would say you have an obligation to do so. Preventing a scene is something owed to yourself, your fiancé, and your guests.
I would go as far as to say you may want to have some people (family/friends? security?) prepared to remove Emily if she just shows up to make a scene.
edit: while I do think you were an AH in the past to Emily that wasn't the question asked.
edenburning
Why would Emily even want to go to your wedding???
Even_Enthusiasm7223
NTA Your sister is being completely evil and wants to ruin your wedding by bringing Emily. You have two choices and they are 1 invite your sister but no plus one and have security at the entrance to the venue to make sure she doesn't get in with anybody and 2 don't invite your sister at all.
She knows Emily's feelings told you she knows how Emily will act at the wedding. She's doing it just to be an annoyance to you. It will ruin your wedding and it will ruin any relationship you may have had with your sister.
You should also ask your sister calmly why she wants to invite Emily as her plus one. If she knows she will rave and make a scene at the wedding. Just straight out asking do you want to ruin my wedding.
See how she acts and let the invitations roll from there. Because she knows she wants to ruin your wedding. And if you do invite her without a plus one, she will complain to everybody at the wedding that you didn't know how to bring anybody and that'll make it worse.
rmas1974
NTA - you are entitled to not invite a guest’s choice of plus one. This whole scenario raises a question about which country and cultural background you are from. In my native UK, it would only be considered appropriate to select a romantic partner of significant standing as a plus one to a wedding.
No way would you consider bringing a friend (especially if an ex-gf) of the groom. I have thus attended weddings alone (and had no problem doing so!). Hence me wondering if you are from a country with different social conventions.
Usrname52
You can invite your sister and not give her a +1. No one is entitled to a +1 (a parter/long term relationship is NOT a plus +1, they are a named guest). Although you're still NTA if you just don't invite your sister, for being the type of person who wants to stir drama at your wedding. Sounds like your sister possibly is homophobic as well.