'AITA for refusing to go to my brother's wedding since my GF was not invited?' UPDATED 4X

"AITA for refusing to go to my brother's wedding if my girlfriend cannot come?"

I (31F) have a girlfriend of 3 years, (32F), we don't yet live together but have begun to look for a place to get together as both our flats are too small to have two people so things are very serious.

My brother (34M) is planning his wedding to his Fiance (29F), I of course assumed my Girlfriend would be welcome to come as my plus one after all she's basically one of the family now and we will be living together soon but no, my Brother told me that he doesn't think it's a good idea for her to come as the wedding will be in a church and that his Fiance's family are "traditional."

He tried to tell me that she could come to the reception etc but he'd rather she just wasn't at the ceremony. My Girlfriend is willing to accept this but I feel as though my brother is being unfair considering our younger sisters boyfriend of six months is invited, it's clear this is just because I am dating a woman,

so I told my brother if my girlfriend wasn't welcome at the ceremony I wouldn't come either and i'd just go to the reception after too, this caused a lot of drama from my family and my parents and siblings are all insisting i'm "Overreacting" and how it's "Not personal" and that as it's not my day I should just accept this, honestly at this point I want to just skip the reception too...so..aita?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Lola_M1224 said:

NTA. With the fact that your sister's boyfriend of six months is invited, this is totally about you being gay. Frankly, I'd skip the reception too.

RebelRoad said:

NTA. If your brother doesn't care enough about your feelings and your relationship, I don't think you should care enough to go to his wedding at the expense of your partners feelings and her exclusion from the event. He needs to grow a spine. His bride-to-be's family doesn't sound "traditional" they sound homophobic and nobody should ever have to back down to acquiesce to a bigot's demands.

Expat_89 said:

NTA. Was going to say ESH for not accepting she could attend the reception but then read your family said “it’s not personal”. Which it definitely is. Excluding your gf from the wedding to appease the future in-laws is ridiculous.

[deleted] said:

So “traditional” is another word for homophobic? Why would you want to be around people like that? You and your gf need to blow this off and go do something fun. Your brother is an a$$h@le for giving into those haters. NTA

Dependent_Season_847 said:

NTA. It IS personal though. You’ve been with your partner for 3 years, that’s not a short amount of time. 6 months? THAT’S a short amount of time. If it was just family invited to the ceremony then yes.

The fact your sisters bf is invited but your gf is not makes it 100% personal. It may not be your day but why you should accept that when they clearly can’t accept you and your relationship. NTA

DamnIGottaJustSay said:

NTA. They're just appeasing homophobes, and therefore being homophobic. Good for you for standing up for your girlfriend and relationship and I'm sorry you have to. If you don't now, what's down the track? You can't bring your girlfriend to family gathers? Christenings? Holidays?

BoatEmbarrassed7138 said:

NTA this won’t end here, soon she won’t be allowed at any family events. They are pushing her and Eventually you into a corner

westcoastkid94 said:

NTA. How else are you supposed to take this? Your brother is willing to accommodate bigots than his sister. I understand that it is his wedding, but to not want your gf there because you too are in a same-sexual relationship is just appalling.

Also, the people who are attending the wedding should have their focus on the wedding, not you two. As for your gf, it says a lot that she was willing to go to the reception so that you wouldn’t miss the wedding. She is a saint!

Jill182 said:

NTA. If they can’t respect your relationship, why should you sit through a boring ass hour long Christian mass for theirs? Screw ‘em.

Verdict: NTA.

Well, things apparently escalated. Because OP later shared this series of updates:

Edit: A little update as i'm just off the phone with brothers Fiancee, she had no idea about any of this and was horrified and told me no her family is not traditional in that sense, in fact her gay cousin is going to be her maid of honour. My brother told her that my girlfriend had work that day...

Edit 2: so after talking with my girlfriend I found out that before she and I were officially dating my Brother had drunkenly made a pass at her, she of course turned him down and as we weren't dating then and she figured he wouldn't remember she never brought it up, it's the only reason beyond the fact we're Lesbian couple she can think of for why he may have a grudge against her.

Edit 3: I first of all want to thank everyone for all your kind words and support, my girlfriend and I have decided we will not be attending the Wedding or Reception if it goes ahead, instead i've booked us a weekend trip at a cute airbnb on the beach at the same time and leftover money will be going to the deposit of our future home.

Secondly, i've been in touch with my brother about this apparently his Fiancee has ripped him a new one for saying this about her family and based on how bad the argument was the entire wedding may be out the window (but that is just my speculation) of course he blames me and tells me how my "Phase" has caused him so much trouble in his relationship and possibly his wedding,

i'm bisexual and he seems convinced i'll end up with a man eventually so this is just a phase. I'm going zero contact for a while until he makes amends with me and even then it will depend, meanwhile i've invited my potential SIL to come visit for a bit if she needs to get away from him and get her head together.

Edit 4, Final Edit: Wow I never expected this to blow up like it did, thank you all for your support and input as well as messages, the wedding isn't off but it is postponed, my future SIL is staying engaged to him but demanding he go through therapy before she considers marrying him, as he basically broke down and a lot of personal issues came to light when they talked,

Future SIL is moving back to stay with her parents for a bit, My family did not know the reason why he wanted to keep my girlfriend from the wedding and were horrified and have apologised, they were just trying to prevent drama. Finally, my future SIL's family has invited me and my girlfriend to theirs for Christmas dinner so we can get to know them and see what my brother said is in no way true.