'AITA for not changing a table in a restaurant because of a stranger's allergy?'
"AITA for not changing a table in a restaurant because of a stranger's allergy?"
neuro_lavender
My fiance (30M) and I (25F) went on a date yesterday. We decided to have a stroll and then go to a local restaurant but we didn't book a table because it was Monday and this place is never crowded.
On the way to the restaurant my partner bought me a small bouquet of tulips from a street vendor, it was lovely. So when we arrived there was a vacant table just at the entrance, one empty table next to a window and some seats at the bar available.
Of course we took the window table. Our waiter instantly brought a small vase for the flowers, but one lady in her mid 40s gave me a strange look when I put my tulips into the vase.
She was dining with a man who was supposedly her husband at the closest to us another window table. She was staring for several minutes before she came to us and asked us to change the table because she is allergic to flowers.
We told her we didn't want to since other sitting options were not as good as our current one. At this moment the waiter came to take our order and the lady started complaining to him. He suggested that we sit at the bar.
My fiance asked him why he didn't suggest it to the lady instead since it's her who have a problem but the waiter got kinda anxious and said something like "but it's about health". The mood was spoiled at the moment so we just left to find another restaurant. But now I'm thinking if she was entitled to this because of her medical condition?
Edit: wowow guys I don't know why everyone so pissed about "supposedly husband". English is not my first language so I didn't put any negative meaning here, it could be her brother or friend, it was not obvious. And yeah now I see that it was not important to mention, but in the flow of writing I just put it there???
Edit: no, she was not polite, the lady was quite pushy and visibly irritated. Nobody created a scene but the conversation was tense enough for nobody to think about moving flowers away, which was the best way to solve this! (I actually assumed you cannot do this for hygienic reasons).
And no, I'm not so pressed about showing off the flowers, I didn't even plan to put them on the table, it was the waiter who said it would look great. The lady didn't have her food on the table yet. I also don't get how my phrasing like "of course" "instantly" "wowow" shows that I'm a bad person.
But thank you for explaining the word "supposedly", great to know! And lastly, I'd like to add that I'm not implying her condition is not valid, and I'm not putting my comfort over her health, I'm putting my comfort over her comfort, deciding who is changing the table.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
LadyCass79
YTA. Since she was seated first and you were the people bringing flowers into the restaurant, the gracious thing to do would be to move to a table further away even if you don't like it as much as the table you had.
Taking the flowers out to your vehicle or asking that the waiter hold them for you someplace else would be another option. Leaving and finding a different restaurant was also fine. Yes, she could have moved too but accommodating someone with a legitimate health concern is always the right thing to do.
I have a mobility disorder and use a service dog. Sometimes I seat myself near someone with a bad allergy to dogs. Even though I have every right to have my well trained dog with me and he will tuck under the table and not create an issue, if asked to accommodate another disability I graciously move so that we can both enjoy a meal in a safe way.
Edited to add *for those saying the flower allergy can't be real or severe enough to justify asking someone to move or move the flowers: I tend to error on the side of believing people when they say they have a health concern.
If I can do something minor to accommodate them, like move the flowers or sit at another table, I will. I think this isn't required but it is polite behavior. I am not interested in grilling strangers about or making them validate their health concerns.
Perhaps this lady used "allergy" as a short cut to describe a smell sensitivity that can trigger migraines for her, who knows? I can't really think why someone would object to being seated next to flowers if their motivation wasn't health related. If people care enough about something enough to lie about it being a health concern... meh, they have a whole other issue.*
Maelkothian
But they did move to a table further away, so far away in fact that it was in a different restaurant.
peerdata
I might get railroaded for this question…. Info-did she seem to be having a reaction to the flowers? Like to the extent that it would have actually interrupted her meal? Tulips are a low pollen flower (and I THINK actually get specifically selected for allergy free gardens since they rarely get airborne) so I’m having a harder time with that part of the story than if they had been Lillies or something.
I’ve had friends who had severe pollen/tree/grass allergies who you could tell were having a reaction,they’d get puffy and red and their eyes would water….. idk even those friends never imposed their restrictions on public places, they actually went and got allergy shots to lessen the reaction cause they knew the world around them would always have plants in it.
Rude-Sandwich-830
As someone with a deathly allergy, and carry an epipen. You need to learn to live with it, and be able to make your own accommodations to keep yourself safe. I would NEVER ask someone I didn’t know to move away from me because they had what i’m allergic to with them.
I would actually probably move myself if it made me uncomfortable, but it is not someone else’s job to keep me safe. It’s mine. So as someone with an allergy who is shocked that someone would do this to you. I would say NTA.
But I would like to point out that if it was someone you were friends with or out with it would be completely different. If i’m out with my friends they would never eat peanuts around me, so i’ve never actually had to ask them not to.
Necessary_Internet75
NTA, a public place is not a person’s home. I am allergic to lavender. I can’t ask every place or person to leave/clean for my convenience. The world doesn’t bend to my allergy, I have to adjust.
Your SO was correct in his question too. Just because you came after them doesn’t lessen your right to be there. The waiter was only anxious because it became a possible confrontation. Compromising by asking the waiter if there was an alternative place to hold the flowers would be best.