'AITA for traveling with my GF instead of taking care of my brother's son?' Updated!

'AITA for choosing to go on a trip with my girlfriend instead of taking care of my struggling brother's son?'

For context: My(24M) brother “Luke”(31M), his wife “Emma”(28F) and their son “Kyle”(4m) moved to my city last year because Emma got a new job. They would occasionally ask me to watch Kyle because I work from home with very flexible hours.

I personally do not like kids at all but I was happy to do it at the time because I wanted to help them, it was not that often(maybe once or twice every 2 weeks) and Kyle was very well behaved.

Now the issue started near the end of last year when Luke decided to change careers.(He was previously working remotely as well) His new job required him to go to work a lot more often and make substantially less money.

This left them depending on me more and more to take care of Kyle. It went from once or twice every 2 weeks to around 3 days out of the week.

To make matters worse, Kyle’s behavior changed drastically. To be completely honest I can barely stand the kid anymore, constantly running around and screaming while I’m trying to work and just overall being a little brat.

My SIL Emma was over the other day picking up Kyle and made some comments about getting rid of some of the “dangerous” furniture in my house like tables with glass edges and stuff so that my home is safer for their son and made a joke about baby proofing my house because they're planning to have a daughter.

This made me mad but I didn’t say anything.

The situation hit a breaking point last Friday when I was talking about the 1.5 week long trip I was going on with my girlfriend on the 15th (Me and my GF like to travel somewhere nice at least once a month, we could not the past couple months because of Kyle but I promised my GF we would go somewhere exotic for valentines).

Upon hearing this they got pretty mad saying who was gonna take care of Kyle, that I need to stop these “childish trips” and that I need to take more responsibility because “I’m an uncle now”.

Im not gonna lie, after hearing this I snapped. I said that their demon child isn’t my responsibility and I’m not just gonna give up my life because they f-ed without a condom.

It got pretty obscene from there and some horrible things were said. They left and we are no longer on speaking terms. My parents and Emma’s parents are on their side and EXTREMELY angry at me for “refusing to pull my weight”.

My parents said that this is my duty and I should be sacrificing everything to help them. It’s honestly got me really down and I've cried my eyes pretty much every day since seeing those messages from my family.

I’m starting to wonder if I really should be taking more responsibility. AITA for choosing my trips over my brother and nephew?

Let's find out.

crockofpot writes:

NTA. Sounds like your and Emma's parents need to start doing THEIR 'duty' and watching their grandchild. If they're not willing to do that, all their huffing and puffing that you need to watch Kyle is just hot air.

This is not your child and you have no 'weight' to pull. This just reeks of trying to gang up on you because you're the youngest and you're nice and they think you're going to cave. Stay strong and keep your boundaries.

author14 writes:

NTA the childcare discussion should have happened before your brother made his career change, and should have included you since they were planning on relying on you more. Also do they ever pay you for this?

dangerousemmu writes:

NTA. You have no duty towards that child. And I speak as an extremely proud auntie to my niece and my nephew. When you agree to babysit it’s a favor you do them. They’re not entitled to the st level of babysitting not even if they paid you. And really for the amount of time you’re taking about they should be paying you.

Update from OP 5 days later:

Thank you everyone for the comments, after reading through for about an hour it kinda helped me realize how toxic my relationship is with my family. As many of you mentioned, yes my brother is the 'golden child' of the family and thinking about it now that favoritism is the main reason i wanted to move away from them so badly in the first place.

I had a talk with my brother and my SIL where I apologized for calling their child a demon and for the condom remark. They accepted my apology but they did not apologize to me. Apparently ours and my SIL's parents were just not just telling them but encouraging them to use me for help the whole time.

I told them how exhausted and frustrated I was and how much this whole shit show has hurt me and that I would not be watching Kyle anymore period and that they need to figure something else out.

They did not take it well and my SIL started yelling again and after some arguing my SIL said that if I would not watch Kyle the least I could do is pay for his daycare and help with some of our other expenses since I have the money to zip off to a different country every month. I was honestly appalled.

I would not have minded to help them out financially but the tone of her voice as she said it was just infuriating. The only thing they heard was that I would not continue helping them. They didn't give a shit about anything else I said. I just got up and left their house without saying a word. I wanted to leave before I completely exploded again.

10 minutes after I left my phone started buzzing with them and my parents and I just put it on DND. I read a lot of comments saying I should go No Contact and I really did not want to have to do that but they are very clearly not interested in respecting me as a human being so thats it. I will not be speaking to my family until they want to genuinely apologize to me. Thanks guys :)

Here's what people had to say after the udpate:

Lalalabambi asks:

INFO: I just read your original post, is SIL pregnant again or are they just in planning mode for the next child they want to pawn off to you?

ThrowAwayUncle44 OP responded:

I don't think she's pregnant yet.

Jazzlike_Tap8303 writes:

Sounds like the grandparents of the little 'demon' don't want to have him around and that's why they suggested you babysit him instead

Able-Dress1678 writes:

While the favoritism is obvious, I suspect they made use of of the grandparents previously, prior to the move. OP says he moved away to get away from his family and this all started when brother and SIL moved closer to him.

I am sure that they had all decided before the move that OP would be helping out when they got there, they just didn't bother to get his opinion.

StreetofChimes writes:

It is amazing how grandkids are such a motivating factor for time, attention, and resources. As the childless one in my family, I try to tell myself it must be part biological imperative (continuation of the line), but it still hurts to constantly be brushed aside for my child-having siblings.