Woman attacks parents for 'ruining' Christmas, dad says, 'this is your PTSD talking.'
When this woman is extremely angry at her parents, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my parents I won't spend the holidays with them this year unless they properly apologize and pay me back for cancelling on me last-minute last year?'
This story requires some background information. Around this time last year my parents asked me if I wanted to come over for Christmas. I told them sure, I live abroad so I don't see them very often. The plan was for me to arrive December 22nd and go back on on January 7.
Our relationship was very rocky when I was a child due to my dad's mental health and anger issues, but he's in therapy for that now. I'm in therapy as well for the diagnosed PTSD that his issues have given me. This will be relevant later.
I bought myself a round-trip train ticket ($150) for the long ride home as I don't have a car and have really bad plane anxiety. Around December 15th my mom called and asked me if I could bring back some of those cookies that she loves and I tell her of course.
I decided to get them on the 21st so they're still super fresh upon arrival. I also bought some breads and sweets for my siblings.
The total came down to about $40. I'm a student and due to my chronic illness and heart condition I can't work a lot so money is tight and I had to take some money out of my savings for this to afford all of it, but I didn't mind.
Fast forward to the evening of the 21st. I'm on the phone with my dad telling him that I got the cookies mom asked for and that I have to get up at 7 to get to the train station and that I'm super excited to see them again.
Out of nowhere he tells me that won't be necessary because he and my mom are leaving for some island in the Caribbean the next day. I ask him how long they've been planning this for and he told me that they decided two days prior.
I asked him if they could cancel because I thought we'd already established that I would be coming over and he says no. He then says I should be more understanding because mom has fibromyalgia and the cold makes her pain worse and the heat will make it better.
After that I called my mom and I'm going to be honest here, I said some really unkind things and called her a selfish b*tch (among other things) for making me spend nearly $200 and have me go through all that effort only for them cancel on me last-minute. I said you ruined christmas, and they did.
I demanded an apology and a full pay-back of all the money. Apparently that hurt her feelings and she hasn't talked to me all year.
My dad then called me and said that he had a talk with his therapist and that his therapist told him ignore my angry outburst and not give in to my demands because, quote, 'people with PTSD can't think rationally, this is just your PTSD talking'.
This morning I woke up to a text from my dad asking me if I want to come over for the holidays, no cancellations this time. I told him to f*ck off until they both apologize for cancelling on me last year, for the thing he said about my PTSD, and to pay me back for last year.
He refused to and gave me a written lecture that I'm just holding just a grudge and should get over it because it was, quote, 'a misunderstanding' and 'we're family', but I absolutely refuse to and I told him to not text me again unless it's an apology.AITA?
Let's find out.
profplumdidit writes:
NTA. It sounds like your dad's therapist isn't a good one and gives him selfish advice (assuming he was completely honest with them about what happened).
It's pretty obvious that your parents are still bad for your mental health and you'd be better off being completely no contact with them indefinitely.
shingmaluvapples writes:
It's possible it's the therapist, but I've also seen people take the words of a therapist and twist them around to convince themselves they aren't part of the problem, or didn't do something wrong in the situation. Or a combination.
What he said was definitely not okay though, regardless of where that comment came from. He should be mature enough to recognize that.
opinionswelcomehere writes:
NTA. You are under NO obligation to spend time with the family that caused your PTSD and are still giving you emotional whiplash to this day.
I think it's time to discuss with your therapist whether you should go no contact with them for now and focus on your own health.