When this man is feeling weird about his GF's response to his criticism, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to go to the gym?'

About two yeas ago, my doctor had told me that I (m27 now) needed to lose some weight as I was a pre-diabetic and at high risk of developing cardiovascular disease.

Furthermore my BMI was really high and he said I would be increasing my risk of cardiovascular disease. Then for two years I worked-out basically 5 days a week, till I got into shape.

It was during my weight-loss journey that I met my girlfriend (f26), at the gym actually, and we went out for dates and we quickly got into relationship. After we got into a relationship however, things changed.

I continued to work on myself and I got into pretty good shape. By contrast, my girlfriend completely halted. She used to be a rock-climber and she completely stopped that. Now her physical activity has basically come to a halt.

Now in the beginning I said nothing, as you don't have to be hyper fit to be healthy and, in the beginning, it was fine. But then things kept getting worse. Eventually she goes to the doctor and he tells her that she has to do something about her weight. During this period, I pushed her to go to the gym but she just didn't make the effort.

The problem didn't really arise from with this however. The problem came when she asked me to help her eat healthier so she could get her weight under control. As a result, I started making her healthy meals and I tried to make them as tasty as possible. Please note, this took up a lot of time.

I tried new recipes and different things to try and make this as easy as I could for her. Before this I would just make chicken in these batches and pop it into the air-fryer before eating (but she ofc didn't like to eat that).

Despite this and pushing her to go to the gym, she told me, the night before last night, that she wasn't losing weight. She promised to me that she hadn't eaten anything extra and that she was going to the gym more frequently.

Then, last night, while looking for my PS5 controller I opened a side-drawer in the loft only to find wrappers and new chocolates. I took it all to her and after she confessed.

She told me she had been eating sweets the entire time and would eat from outside when she was at work. At this point, I just get frustrated and exhausted by this and tell her, she needed to go to the gym.

She started crying and telling me I am fat-shaming her. Now I know how hard losing weight can be but she isn't even trying. She's literally eating jars of Nutella behind my back. I tell her I can't help her, if she can't help herself.

1st Edit: Now i don't think I am an ass and while most of my friends don't either, some have said that I am fat-shaming her and being an asshole. AITA?

Let's find out.

nocturnalz writes:

Yea, for real. The issue isn't that she's struggling with eating sweets... It's the lying. She could've just been honest. 'I'm trying really hard to stick to your healthy meals and I really appreciate all your help.

But I'm realizing I have a very serious problem, because I can't seem to stop intensely craving sweets, chocolate, and other junk food'. Then they could've worked together to find a solution.

Perhaps even involving a doctor or something, cuz some people's junk food cravings are SO intense that they do need an actual medical professional to help.

But instead, she LIED, and actively sabotaged all of OP's efforts and work, making it all for nothing, while leading him to believe she was doing her part in the situation (which was literally just fkn, SIT THERE AND RECEIVE HELP AND BE HONEST ABOUT HOW IT'S GOING).

Raylynne writes:

Relationship belly happens when you eat out more and have more food like wine and dessert because you're out on dates, so you gain some weight.

OP's gf is secretly eating large amounts of sweets while appearing to want to lose weight. That's an eating disorder. A person who liked being physical stopped going to the gym and now they're secretly eating sweets, that's a psychological problem.

Something happened, OP. Therapy would be a lot more helpful than the gym. NTA, but, let her know that you won't be putting in effort like you have been for her weight loss journey.

That you're happy to be a gym buddy, and she can eat what you eat, but you're not going to go out of your way because you feel betrayed by the lies.

Maybe point out that secretly eating is a big classic redflag for eating disorders, and that you support her emotional journey while she figures out what is going on with herself.

Total shot in the dark, based purely on the timelines and as an internet stranger who obviously knows nothing about these people or their innermost thoughts, it sounds like she doesn't believe she's worthy of love and she's self-sabotaging.

iusedachicken writes:

NTA- she asked you to help and you've been going out if your way to. She pulled the fat shaming card because she knows she is in the wrong secretly eating but getting you to put in all the work on the side for her to eat healthy.

She's been told she needs to lose weight by the doctors, she isn't being fat shamed, she needs to for her health and she is insecure about it so is turning it onto you.

You've done nothing wrong, she isn't being fat shamed she's probably just jumping on the band wagon of the Internet claiming that being told something healthy is fat shaming.

Looks like OP is NTA. Or was he being too harsh? What do YOU think?