'AITA for setting a boundary with my parents because I disagree with their lifestyle?'
"AITA for setting a boundary with my parents because I disagree with their lifestyle?"
My (30F) parents had me at age 15. My whole childhood was hell, they never put me up for adoption or anything like that because my grandparents would help and every time the CPS was triggered they suddenly became the best parents in the world and blackmail me to lie.
But the reality is I lived alone most of the week and at 8 years old, I already knew how to make myself a meal and by myself. While my parents were partying, traveling, drinking, or fighting.
When I was 15, they fell in love again and had kids like rabbits (15M, 13F, 12F, 11M and 9M). I left home when I was 18 years old, it hurt in the bottom of my soul to have to leave my siblings, but I couldn't stand it and I had no financial condition.
At 24, I passed a public contest that pays me very well (I scraped my ass off to study and work). At 25, the CPS contacted me, saying that they had taken away my parents' custody of all their children and asked if I was able to take care of at least one (they were looking for relatives). I said I would take care of everyone.
I know it's not my responsibility, but a part of me, I always wanted to get them out of that and only now I had a good job. My house is not very big 4ba/2be, but my husband and I (he also wanted to) were able to accommodate everyone and we are not so tight financially.
They are good students, polite and affectionate, I don't regret having welcomed each one and my husband treats everyone as if he were a big brother or a father (younger).
My parents tried to get them back, as my grandparents cut off the help after they lost custody, but they couldn't and custody became permanent for me. We haven't had contact with them for 2 years.
My father's sister called me these days, saying that she was shocked seeing my parents as a homeless person, asking for money on the street. The family is moving to see if someone can shelter them and they decided to come and ask me if I could shelter them or help financially, since I had a good job.
I replied, 'Nah, I pass. For them? No and I'd rather give this money to their children I raise'
My father's whole family started to fill me with messages saying that I'm turning my back on two people who slept on the streets, how cold hearted I am to do this and I don't even want to help, when I can.
I blocked everyone. My husband said that he is on my side, but that I should give a symbolic amount so as not to have a weight on my conscience. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
purplestar writes:
NTA You’re amazing. You raised yourself very well in spite of horrible parents. I’m sure your siblings are going to be awesome adults because of you. You owe your parents exactly what they gave you, nothing. Keep being your amazing self.
iamortho writes:
NTA. You've already had your life ruined multiple times over by these people and have taken on all of their responsibilities. You DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE FOR THEM.
Please get some therapy so you are able to unburden yourself for feeling responsible for these toxic assholes. Every single one of those family members shaming you could take in your parents, but have they? No. They could have taken in the kids but did they? No. Absolutely block them all and don't look back. NTA. Firmly.
ganesh32 writes:
NTA. The answer to all the people messaging you is that there are 6 people in the family. You have taken in 4 and they should be nice and at least take in the other two. Why are they not helping?
Send them all this message. If they post publicly then this is the response. Take care of yourself and your siblings. You and your husband be blessed with a lot of joy and happiness for your selflessness.