'AITA for giving my nephew cash because of previous bad behavior when opening gifts?'
"AITA for giving my nephew cash because of previous bad behavior when opening gifts?"
My nephew (11) went through a phase where he wrote his own songs and put them on TikTok. His bday was coming up and he asked for a keyboard from his mom and dad so he could play music to go with his lyrics.
I knew they were getting it for him so I bought him a mic and stand that hooked up to the key board, it had an amplifier and Bluetooth. It was not cheap. When he opened it he threw a fit! Yelling and screaming.
He even kicked the box. Now, as a mom, I know kids will be kids but no one stepped in to correct his behavior. After about two mins of being berated by a child I walked away, telling my SIL it could be returned to Amazon. He actually asked why I didn't just buy him an Xbox!
Since then my nephew and my SIL will send me lists of the things he wants and I just shove a hundred in a card and give it to him. My husband, who doesn't shop for the gifts, says I'm being petty and he's just a kid. He is, at the very least, half right.
My whole thing though is no one stopped the behavior and I had to sit and listen to his complaining.
I have a daughter his same age and she would Never behave like that if she did I would end it immediately and make her apologize. AITA for just giving the kid a card with money?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
I have done this with my nieces and nephews. I stopped putting effort into anything because none of them were ever grateful, said/mailed a thank you, and would complain if it was something less than what they thought was appropriate.
I have been confronted about this and I said that kindness and gratefulness go a long way, and I’ve never been shown that. Pretty much got me uninvited to a lot of things, but 🤷🏼♀️.
hotaruo8 writes:
NTA. But if you enabled his behavior by giving the kid the gifts he wants, you would be complicit in setting him down a bad path.
If there are never consequences for the kid's behavior, if he just has to throw a tantrum to get what he wants, he might think… idk… he can bully his classmates and get away with it, or he may develop anger control problems the day he doesn't get what he wants.
Sure, he's not your son, you don't have the right to parent him, but I would discuss your (right) concerns with his parents. Not to mention that tantrums are routine for toddlers. For a 11yo? Not so routine.
donttellmewhatto writes:
NTA!! Let me tell you about how my son reacted at 5 years old! It was Christmas and he was opening a present from his grandparents. Because of the shape of the box he was convinced it was some Hulk kids boxing gloves or something like that. Turned out to be PJs.
He was stunned. ( so was I in that moment because that was really my fault. Wtf was I thinking when I allowed that to happen? I was complicit.).=
After a moment he collected himself, tossed the PJs in the air saying 'whee!' quite gleefully and then, using the most mature voice he could muster, said, and I quote: 'When someone gives you a gift you don't like, you should just smile and say thank you.'
To me, 100 is a LOT actually. But if it is a normal amount in your family, you do what you feel comfortable with. Have you talked to either him or his parents that you did not appreciate the behaviour? That it made you uncomfortable and wished they stepped up?
Also, the only one thinking you should do more is your husband who does not buy stuff? Yeah, that sound right... not. Have either the boy or his parents said anything? Because many 11 year old actually love the freedom of spending money... (mine made a point of putting it on their wishlist)
I still think NTA, but maybe you could try to find out more from the boy and his parents
onecrazymother OP responded:
I did not mention it to anyone but my husband. My only reaction, on the day of, was disgust and telling my SIL the gift can be returned. No one has said anything but they never sent lists until I started giving cash.