'AITA for not going to my sister's 'child-free' wedding?'
"AITA for not going to my sister's 'child-free' wedding?"
My sister is getting married next month to my best friend. She always wanted a nice snow wedding in the cabins we used to go to when we were in school. Everything was going fine until she told me it was a child free wedding.
Now, that would be fine with my wife and I because we would just drop of my son and daughter at my wife's parents or with their godparents, but my sister had asked them to be the ring bearer and the flower girl. Apparently, they want the kids to perform their duties at the wedding but then not attend the reception.
That means either my wife or I will have to be there with them alone in the cabin while everyone is 'partying it up', but wait, I'm the best man and will be conducting the reception so it's just going to be my wife.
What about food? My mom will give my wife 20 minutes to come in, grab some plates with food and come back because the mother of the bride can't be missing for too long.
So, they expect me to abandon my wife with our kids who are under the age of 7 in a tiny cabin that is not child proof, where the source of heat is a fireplace and there is barely any cell signal. This is the day after driving for 7 hours with said kids.
Not only do I think this is not a safe idea considering it would be the middle of winter, my wife has never been to these cabins and the lack of ability to properly communicate, but also, I think it's incredibly rude to invite someone to a destination wedding where they are only allowed to attend the wedding.
Although my wife says she can manage (she's really gullible sometimes and is a little bit of a people pleaser), I refuse. She's not being treated like a guest but as the babysitter for the ring bearer and flower girl.
I tried to talk to my sister and the jack*** I call my best friend, who always preaches about being there for friends, loyalty and whatnot, but they are not conceding or willing to compromise.
I asked if my kids could attend until the toasts, games and food then all four of us would retire to the cabin and let them party, no. If we could go completely child-free and leave the kids behind, no.
If I just attend the wedding and retire to the cabin after the wedding, no. My sister is against all of these ideas while the jack*** has taken a temporary vow of silence. So, I'm pissed and said I'm not coming. Which in turn, began the messages and calls from everyone. My family, the groom's family and their/our friends.
My wife has openly said that she can manage this, but I know that's to keep the peace. My kids are also upset because before asking us, my sister and jack*** asked them first to participate in the wedding and they were really excited because they're close with both of them.
With all these calls and messages, I feel I'm going crazy and maybe I'm the a**hole instead. So, AITA?
Let's find out:
How did they respond?
Humble-Village-2053 OP responded:
cries and anger about how I'm being horrible since my wife okayed it. I am down to be the bad guy if that's what i need to be to protect my wife. My in-laws are on my side and when they found out my wife said yes, they said, probably while facepalming, "of course she said yes. Don't let her go"
NTA. Many options here. She can hire a sitter for you. The kids can not attend any part of it. She can make an exception for your kids since she is demanding they be at the wedding. And tell anyone giving you shit what time to be at the cabin to babysit since clearly they don't see an issue with your kids/wife being excluded.
Or, you can be petty as fuck and just not show up with the kids "because they aren't feeling well." (This would be my personal choice.)
Humble-Village-2053 OP responded:
my choice is not to show up period. I shouldn't have to chase her down for her to see reason and find a proper compromise. Also, I shouldn't have to pull a stunt like that. We're supposed to be family and help each other out. I'm putting in the effort of making sure my kids travel a total of 14hrs by car, getting dressed in her approved outfits which I paid for and then practicing their roles in the wedding.
I'm also doing all the best man duties as well as conducting the reception which means I'll be in charge of making sure the speeches happen on time, we play the games, have the first dances on time, I keep the crowd engaged and entertained.
I'm going above and beyond for them, and they want to treat my wife as a glorified babysitter and excluding her from the reception and put my kids and her in an unsafe situation.
Info: what are the wedding games?? I’ve never heard of games at wedding. Very curious.
Humble-Village-2053 OP responded:
There are a bunch, like who knows the other better, why is this date important, recognize the moment from this picture, and then there will be a bride vs groom team that will compete in tiny challenges while the bride and groom cheer them on.
INFO do they not like your wife?
They love her. But my sister is the baby of the family and she has these fantasies people, including me want to help achieve but I draw the line on them being feasible. If it's not feasible, good luck, it ain't happening. She was willing to sacrifice my wife like it's a game of chess. You don't wanna lose any pieces but you sometimes gotta. Well my wife isn't a pawn so that's a no from me.
gastrofodia writes:
NTA If she wants child free then she does not need your kids as props. As a parent you have the right to not attend a child free wedding without guilt. Tell her she should hire some local children for the gig.
ulu98 writes:
Anywho, NTA. The bride/groom certainly did their best to make it impossible for OP. If they want child free, go all the way with it. If they really want a ring bearer/flower girl, they should at the very least be paying a rental fee to OP since the kids are supposed to magically disappear when they’re no longer needed.
Or, the happy couple to-be could hire them a local babysitter, considering OP is in the wedding party. How OP is expected to make this work is mind boggling.