Husband uses fake accounts to 'cyberbully' wife; says, 'I'm trying to help her.'
When this husband is concerned about his wife but guilty about his behavior, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for encouraging my wife online?'
Please excuse grammar/spelling mistakes as I type this on my phone. That would be pretty ironic.
To preface, I grew up in a southern state and so was the constant butt of education and redneck jokes. My wife had the same upbringing. I love her very much but can feel our paths diverging. Let me explain how.
We like to consider ourselves as more educated than other members of the home state. We both have high paying jobs at the same company/ same department (think big tech companies) and a nice house.
We have risen above what maybe would have been our natural station (a good job in my hometown was considered held by the cemetery caretaker, for example, so we've risen far).
We have made friends with coworkers in our new state who do not share our redneck accents. I have been able to mask my accent well and use proper grammar most of the time. I tell our new friends that we are from California and moved for the job.
My wife however has not had as much success with hiding her accent. She constantly says 'good' instead of 'well'. It has even started to grate my ears whenever I hear her say it. She also says 'y'all' and 'howdy' decently often.
She even let out a 'darn tootin'' when in conversation with our VP at dinner the other night and I almost died. She laughed like a braying mule but all the others at the table only gave nervous chuckles and averted their eyes from meeting mine.
The VP didn't make anymore jokes after that and the rest of the dinner was very awkward.
The other night I read her diary when she was in the restroom with a touch of food poisoning. I found her reddit account information. I know I shouldn't be the one to correct her on her grammar as I don't want to drive a wedge between us.
Instead, I created several throw away accounts and follow her profile to read her comments.
On comments with bad grammar, I say things like 'wow you must have been born in (insert our home state) because your English is about as bad as your states education system' and other comments like 'you won't get too far sounding like a hick'.
She has been distraught by these comments. I am questioning whether or not I have done the right thing, but to quote MacBeth I feel so far stepped in blood that to go back would be harder than going forward (or something to that effect). So I doubled down and made 8 more fake profiles.
Keeping up with her comments has negatively affected both hers and mine own effectiveness at work because she is constantly in a bad mood and I am constantly distracted by refreshing reddit for new comments.
However, her grammar has marginally improved. I've noticed my coworkers do not seem to stand in groups of three or four at the water-cooler and point at her anymore in between sips of coffee.
So while my plan seems to have worked to some extent, I feel like I have done something terrible. Should I tell her the truth of the matter?
Should I increase the fake profiles to 16? I am running out of additional ideas for new email addresses. I guess most importantly, am I the ah?
For clarification I love my wife and stand by her in pretty much every other aspect of our marriage. To those wondering'why did you marry her if you don't like her accent' please remember that we both had the same accent at time of marriage and I didn't think anything about it until we moved.
You are likely reading too far into other aspects of our marriage if you think this post extends beyond me simply making fake profiles and encouraging her. AITA?
Let's find out if OP is INSANE or not.
crystalqueen2000 writes:
Let me get this straight… you’re online stalking and harassing your wife because she’s failing to speak or write in a way that is grammatically pleasing to you? Find a new hobby, this one is awful. ETA: YTA
bobsbegone writes:
YTA. A huge one. First of all your reasoning is classist as hell. Just because someone talks with a southern accent means they’re uneducated? Wrong.Second, how can you even think “should I increase the accounts to 16?”.
You violated her privacy, stalked her on the internet, and intentionally made accounts to harass and bully her. How can you even do this to someone you presumably care about?
After seeing the negative impact and harm you’re bringing on her, you still are contemplating continuing this behavior? Do her a favor and tell her what you did so she can divorce you.
oycant writes:
YTA on multiple levels. You come across as a pompous ass. I almost hope this is a joke for your wife's sake. Just because someone sounds different or uses a different lexicon in no way means they're less than you.
ESPECIALLY YOUR WIFE. And to create fake profiles to call her out on her grammar is appalling. I have no idea how one would ever make up for this, but I hope you either make this right.
Or she'll leave you and find a non-judgmental man. I'm not even American, but your tone is more ignorant than any accent I've heard.