'AITA for 'ruining someone's dinner' because I didn't accommodate a gluten intolerance?'
"AITA for 'ruining someone's dinner' because I didn't accommodate a gluten intolerance?"
My husband and I (34) both have decently large families. On occasion I'll host family get-togethers for everyone to catch up on things, drink or just hangout. I'm in charge of cooking dinner for everyone, and sometimes my close family will help with the cooking.
There were two different times at a get-together where I don't recognize someone there and my husband wouldn't either, even my mom or aunt didn't know who they were.
I found out it was just a distant cousin of mine. So seeing people I don't recognize or know who they are is a reoccurring thing I just had to get used too with two of our families this big. I hosted a get-together last night, and it wasn't as big as some of the other ones I've been too or hosted in the past but I did see a woman who I didnt recognize.
I didn't mind it, but I asked my husband who the woman was and he told me she was a friend of his uncle. I finish up cooking with my aunt and everyone comes in to set up their plates.
The family friend came up to me and asked me if I made anything without gluten. I apologized and told her no, I didn't. She asked me if I could make her something and I told her it took me nearly the whole day to cook and that I just want to sit down and relax now.
She got defensive and said that if I'm making dinner for all of these people that there should at least be someone else that's gluten free.
I told her that there is no one that I know of in my family that has a gluten intolerance and if I knew if she was going to be here I would've made something for her. She yelled at me, saying that I ruined this for her (which I was confused about, ruined what?) and that she's never going to come back here.
My husbands uncle came in and told me that I should just make her something to eat and to just get it over with and I told him no, she can eat whenever she has a opportunity too, I don't want to get her sick and that I'm tired and done with cooking for the night.
They both ended up leaving and I was talking to my husband about it and he got mad at me saying that I pretty much ruined the dinner for them and that I should've just made her something to eat and that his uncle will probably not come by here again. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
vav70 writes:
You are in no way TA, and wouldn’t be if you were not comfortable given the severe consequences of cross contamination. Most people don’t even know an a thing about this - ven pro chefs in restaurants.
I’m responsible for my own health. If I know the host well enough, I check beforehand if I can bring a GF dish or if they would mind me discreetly bringing my own meal to heat up. I always carry a GF snack (like a protein bar), and eat something before I go.
My family are always accommodating; they know I’m severely gluten intolerant, and I don’t have cross contamination issues. Funny thing is I’ve learned to make extra batches of my GF desserts to my family gatherings - those often go faster than the regular!
Your husband, the Uncle and guest are the AH here. Husband should have said that he won’t invite the Uncle again until he apologized to you for such rude behavior.
Next time, Hubs should call ever single guest and ask them for all of their allergies and preferences - Lactose? Shellfish? Vegetarian? Vegan? What about fresh cut flowers?Then HE can do whatever’s necessary for accommodations. NTA.
thestatedrone writes:
NTA. I've been diagnosed with Celiac since 2005. If you aren't family and haven't cooked for me before. Or a friend who understands what gluten free means. I'm not eating at someone's house. I rarely go out to eat. When I do have about 6 places I know I am safe.
I have turned down so many invitations because I don't want to be a bother or get sick from possible contamination or someone not understanding how many things contain gluten and cross contamination.
crockofpot writes:
NTA. If your husband's uncle knew he was bringing a friend with a gluten intolerance, it was the uncle's job to communicate that. Not to treat you like the Magical Food Fairy who could just whip up something gluten-free at a moment's notice. Boo on your husband for not having your back.