Woman is shocked when BF reveals the 'real reason' he hates her reading romance novels.
When this woman is upset with her boyfriend, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for reading romance novels despite it making my Boyfriend uncomfortable?'
I (29F) am a huge lover of romance novels, doesn't matter how bad or 'Trashy' they are they are fun to just veg out to as they require very little focus, I do enjoy more nuanced books too but they require more focus and I don't always have the energy for that.
I've currently been binging all of Susan Trombleys books (10/10 would recommend if you like the sci-fi/fantasy romance novels).
My boyfriend (30M) has never liked me reading these kind of books in our 2 years of dating as they make him 'Uncomfortable' so I stopped reading them around him... I figure while not every book in this genre is pornographic a fair few are so that was likely why he was uncomfortable so I didn't push further.
We are discussing moving in together and he has told me he doesn't want my books on the bookshelves as it's embarrassing to have them out in the open like that, I told him if he'd prefer i'll keep them on a bookshelf that isn't in the Livingroom of the House where guests could see it, but no, turns out he doesn't want them on a bookshelf at all.
I ended up asking him wtf his issue was and told him they were harmless, he has told me I make him feel uncomfortable by enjoying these kind of books as they seem low intelligence, and that I also make him feel 'Less' like he's not enough.
I told him that he was of course enough and pointed out how him watching porn doesn't mean I am not enough for him does it? but he refuses to see the similarity.
I always figured it was harmless to read these kind of books, I don't get why it makes him so uncomfortable. Maybe i'm the asshole for still reading them despite knowing he feels this way?
Let's find out.
peppervl writes:
Romance is looked down on as a genre because it centers around the female character and the male character has to be the one to change and take responsibility for his actions.
In a typical hetero romance book the characters meet, have a strong attraction. Then something gets in the way of the relationship, either circumstances or something the man does.
But either way, they get back together and get their happily ever after when the man decides the woman is worth the effort and either changes the circumstances (by doing something like standing up to his family/company/society and saying 'f-you for saying I can't keep my position and be with her.
I'm going to do both') or by realizing what he did wrong, genuinely apologizing, and putting in the work to change.
The woman's character arc ins romance is usually falling in love, realizing things aren't working, and figuring out that she's worth someone who loves her without her compromising who she is.
Additionally, the sex scenes in hetero romance novels are mostly about the man pleasing the woman. He's often the best lover she's ever had because he takes the time to figure out what makes her feel good.
Insecure men and men who don't genuinely think of their partners as equals are horribly threatened by both these things. After all, the fictional men treat the fictional women far 'far' better than they treat the real women in their lives.
owlcataristotle writes:
NTA. Those books make him feel 'uncomfortable' as they are of 'low intelligence' and 'less than' at the same time?
How can he be so condescending and so jealous and insecure in the same sentence?
Your boyfriend is not an arsehole, either, though. He's just an incurable moron. Tell him to watch his high intelligence porn and leave your books alone. Not every book is read for intellectual gratification.
sheepsandbirds writes:
He also forbids her to put the books in any bookshelf in their appartement. She would also live there and pays rent! And what would he feel 'uncomfortable' next?\
She should wait with moving together. He called her stupid even if it was indirect. He wants to forbid her something that makes her happy and calls it trashy.
But the same standard doesn't count for him. I'm pretty sure that this isn't the only time this happened. NTA.