Woman shocks family when she reveals what a 'bad parent' her cousin is on Christmas.
When this woman is conflicted about what she said on x-mas, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to apologize for what I said at Xmas and ruining NYE?'
My SO and children traveled to my SO's home state for Christmas and New Years. His family's Christmas including most of his extended family and I love and get along with most of them.
He does have a cousin that I don't get along with. She was very hostile to me the first time we met and things never got better from there.
She's the girl cousin that hangs out with only the guys because 'the girls in her family are just too much drama'. She doesn't have a good relationship with most of her female in laws. We'll call her Bianca.
Bianca recently got engaged and brought her fiance to the party.
For some reason they thought it would be appropriate for him to guess everyone's weight. Bianca says he's great at it and everyone always loves his party trick. I doubt it, but ok. Bianca insists he starts with me.
An important thing to mention is that I'm Polynesian, our body composition isn't the same. When I was in high school I was always 15-20lbs heavier than my female classmates even though I didn't look heavier.
He guessed that I was 165lb, I said no. he guessed 160, I said no. He guessed 155, I said no. He called me a liar, I told him I'm 180lb. He doubled down on calling me a liar, I confirmed that I am indeed 180lb.
My in laws were surprised and saying I looked very good for my weight. So of course Bianca started being fake nice and said things like 'it's OK, not everyone can shed that baby weight like me.
Dont feel bad' and things like that. I told her I didn't feel bad, your fiance thought I weighed way less than I do, so I feel great.
She started saying how she always has time to treat her body right and most moms are just lazing and make excuses about not having enough time.
I was getting fed up and said well Bianca we just prioritize things differently, you prioritize your looks and I prioritize my work and having full custody of my kids.
Bianca lost custody of her kids 2 months ago because she flew out of the country to chase her fiance and left her kids with a friend for 3 weeks. Bianca and her mother yelled at me for being classless and demanded I leave.
My husband and his mother said that I would not be leaving as it's her house and that's where we were staying for the visit. Bianca and her parents and siblings left and it was very awkward after that.
They and a few others think I crossed a line with bringing up her children and said they won't attend the NYE party tonight if I'm still here.
They said the holidays are about family being together and bringing up how she doesn't have her kids was heartless.
I really like most of my in laws and think i should apologize but I'm only willing to do so if I was actually in the wrong. My husband thinks i shouldn't apologize but my SIL thinks i should. AITA?
Let's find out.
melodyraine writes:
NTA. Bianca played mean girl games and got slapped for it. Bold of her to call you classless when the whole things started because she couldn't stop insulting you for five seconds. I'd say enjoy your asshole free holiday evening.
ebechops writes:
NTA- Women like her are part of the problem, the problem being that everyone's assuming lighter is more attractive, and more attractive makes you a better person, which is total nonsense.
Bianca is the 'museum quality' example of this- you look how you look, you weigh what you weigh, Bianca doesn't 'win' if you're larger or heavier than her, let alone if you're heavier than she thinks you look.
You both just have bodies. Healthier is better than less healthy for one's own long term good, but she's not offering any data that suggests she is healthier, in fact she seems to be slagging you for having a lower body fat percentage than she assumed given muscle weighs more than fat...
You may be heavier but she is clearly the dense one LOL.
magnimoe writes:
NTA,Not only did this cousin shed her baby weight, she shed her kids entirely!
She's not 'hurt' about the kids. She's pissed because you deflated her artificially inflated ego, which she uses to justify bullying people.
It was appropriate social feedback. You probably should have refused to play the weight game, but I assume you were trying not to be the party pooper.
Your husband and MIL backed you in the moment about not leaving, but do they want you to apologize?
If they do, it puts you in a tough situation. In that case you could offer to apologize if she apologizes first for her insulting comments, unless it's a matter of principle.