20 funny and relatable tweets from parents who dared to be honest about having kids.
Between running on 0 hours of sleep during the baby stage, the toddler temper tantrums, the heated teen angst, and bittersweet empty nest--parenting is definitely not a journey for the weak...
So, if you could certainly use a cathartic laugh about the highs and lows of raising the future generation, we have gathered the funniest tweets we could find from the wonderful wits of the internet. Enjoy (and good luck out there!
1.
Of all the terrible ways to be woken up I think, “mommy, my fart is on the floor,” takes the cake. 😳😂
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 7, 2019
2.
Non parents: This silence is nice
— 🌙T͙a͙t͙t͙e͙d͙ M͙o͙o͙n͙🌙 (@Tattedmoon22) November 7, 2019
Parents: *hears nothing* where the fuck are the kids and what are they doing!??
3.
My toddler won't wear a shoe with a tiny grain of sand in it, but he can walk around all day with a turd in his pants
— The Dad (@thedad) October 11, 2019
4.
What’s the eeriest thing a child has ever said to you?
— Lilah Sturges! (@LilahSturges) April 6, 2022
When my daughter was around 4-5, she calmly insisted that she had once been married to a man named Brad Huffington. When we asked what had happened to him she replied with a note of sadness, “He was lost at sea.”
5.
Me: Why aren’t you ready? We’re late!
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 3, 2022
10: Did you know the amount of people older than you never increases?
6.
My wife and I are wondering what parenting mistake we made to lead our teenage son to squeeze his toothpaste like this. pic.twitter.com/slkGNPpTfJ
— Jay Varma (@DrJayVarma) April 18, 2022
7.
something they don’t warn you about parenting is you will watch Frozen 8,000 times and want to die and then one day when your kid is asleep you won’t know what to watch and suddenly a tiny part of you will be like hmm you know what would really hit the spot? FROZEN
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 6, 2022
8.
I was babysitting a neighbors kid. Changed the diaper and found RED poop. Told mom when she came to pick her up. Moms reply? “THAT’S where my Santa Clause candle went!” 😳
— Amanda Prints (@post_momormon) March 19, 2022
9.
Son: Did you know cows have FOUR penises?
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 16, 2022
Daughter: They’re not penises; they’re nipples!
S: Then how are they so long?
D: I don’t know!
Bank teller: …
10.
Is your kid normal or did they climb out of their crib for the 1st time at 18mos, hide in a closet, wait silently for you to enter their room, and then let out a tiny giggle just moments before you had a heart attack?
— Bre (@fullofmomsense) April 18, 2022
11.
Freaked out so many parents by asking this in a wrong school chat pic.twitter.com/CxODYmIYzr
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 5, 2022
12.
Thinking about the time my 3yo forgot the name for chicken nuggets and called them “orange meat cookies”
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 4, 2022
13.
My wife: Have the kids been acting weird today?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 3, 2022
Me: I don't think it's an act.
14.
Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. My 7-year-old son has recently learned about the planet Uranus.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 6, 2022
15.
The people at the doctor's office just tried to reassure me that my son isn't the worst kid they've ever seen by telling me a story about the time a kid yanked a banner down from the ceiling. What they didn't realize was it was a story about my kid.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 23, 2022
16.
TODDLERS: THE MUSICAL
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 14, 2019
Including hits like:
🎵 I Don’t Want That (Yes I Do)
🎵 NO NO NO NO NO
🎵 He’s Looking At Me,
She’s Breathing on Me
🎵 Cough in Your Mouth
🎵 Bedtime is The Time for
Questions
SHOWTIMES AT 4 AM, 5 AM, and DURING YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW
17.
Yes I gave birth, but I haven’t bought those little month numbers and laid my child next to them like a tiny, happy crime scene victim and taken a picture of that and posted it to Instagram so in that sense I am not a mother.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 3, 2019
18.
I was in a family bathroom and as my 4yo unlocked the door my 2yo pushed the handicap button right as I started to pee so I had to watch the door slowly open knowing that I couldn't get up and I peed with the door wide open. I'm so blessed to have kids.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 1, 2019
19.
Being a parent of 1 kid: I don't know who I trust to babysit my child.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 19, 2019
Being a parent of 2 feral toddlers: [summons Bloody Mary]
20.
I like that the pediatrician always asks if my toddler is getting enough dairy. It's the little nudge I needed to fully convince myself that whole milk is also good for me
— the ben keeps the flores (@limitlessjest) June 27, 2022