"AITA for wearing jeans to my daughter's wedding?"
My (52F) daughter (24F) has always been a sloppy dresser. She has never dressed up well when we go to nice restaurants or family parties, and only wore dresses or nicer coats instead of her usual outfit consisting of hoodies and jeans when we asked her several times.
I have always found her constant failure to dress nicely for us selfish, yet she refuses to see it as we do and does not see the issue with her behavior.
When she was 17, we had gone to a restaurant for my birthday and she had worn jeans, a T-shirt and a long jacket that she had only worn when she was asked to. The next day, she dressed up in a skirt and sweater and overall, a much nicer and more appropriate outfit to see her boyfriend without being asked to.
I was upset that she'd extend this courtesy to her boyfriend but not me. I had told her off for it before she left, but she was confused and did not see how selfish she had been.
Last week, she married the same boy and I had decided to let her see what it felt like to be seen as less of a priority on an occasion that is important to her, so without telling her I arrived at her wedding in jeans and a blouse instead of my prepared outfit. However, at the wedding I was shocked to see that my daughter did not seem to take issue with this.
She did not comment on my attire once throughout the day and has still been in the same level of contact with me yet has not mentioned or seemed to have cared. My husband, however, is angry at me.
He had tried to discourage me from swapping my outfit to a casual one and now is telling me that I had embarrassed him with my attire and that as mother of the bride I should have been more considerate of how it made him look to stand next to me.
I, however, thought he had agreed with me that our daughter's behavior was selfish and that this is nothing compared to the years of her refusing to put in the effort to dress nicely for us.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Petty, vindictive, rude, gross, awful, selfish. Pick any of them and apply them to yourself. YTA.
At 17 she was still figuring out her style and comfort level. Holding a grudge for so many years because of what she wore to a restaurant is childish, and her error is nothing compared to yours. You had a prepared outfit, presumably something dressy, and chose jeans to, what, teach her a lesson all these years later? Grow the f&^% up.
BallFinal2037 OP:
It was not a matter of my birthday, it was the principle of it, which was that she was more willing to put in effort for a boy than her family. She refused to dress nicely for things that are important to us but will dress nicely for things important to her. Is that not the definition of selfish?
INFO: did you wear the jeans all night? Or did you change into the dressy outfit for the reception?
BallFinal2037 OP:
I stayed in the jeans. The reception is still an appendage to her wedding.
cocoaiswithme said:
Ma'am, you are grown. This is a beyond petty thing you decided to do at your own daughters wedding. Thank goodness your daughter clearly does not care how you look or what you wear. Even if you are ugly on the inside. YTA (You're the as*hole).
maskedluna said:
God, what an absolute power move from her, I love your daughter. What a badass. Unbothered and just allowed you to fully embarrass yourself, haha! YTA
Few-Carpet9511 said:
You are holding grudges for 7+ years because a kid did not dress up for your 45th birthday? You are pathetic.
Prestigious_Back7980 said:
YTA, if you wanted to pick out someone's clothes, you should've gotten a Barbie doll, not had a child.
Live_Western_1389 said:
Wearing jeans to your birthday party offended you so much that you decided to prove your point by trying to embarrass her at her own wedding…and when she took no offense, it upset you even more? You can be sure the other guests had many choice words about your behavior behind your back.
How would I describe a mother who does that to her daughter on her wedding day? Petty, insecure, attention seeker, vindictive, and since you posted to ask this question-most definitely takes the award for YTA.