19-year-old gives parents ultimatum: 'let me sleep in the same bed as my BF or I won't come home.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my parents I won’t be coming home unless they let me sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend?"

I (19F) and my bf (20M) have been together for 5, almost 6 years. I moved away for college about a year ago and live on campus with 5 other roommates in an apartment style dorm. My bf comes to visit me at college every month or so, and we share a bed while he is here. My roommate’s don’t care and it is considered a normal thing considering he’s not a rando and we are in a long term, healthy relationship.

One time, when I went home, my bf accidentally (genuinely) fell asleep in my bed, no funny business. My parents woke up earlier than we did, and were upset that he slept in the same bed as I did. They say it makes them uncomfortable regardless of how long we have been together and that they consider it disrespectful.

They went as far as getting his parents involved, who personally don’t care if we share a bed because they say we are adults. However, they don’t allow us to share a bed because my parents don’t approve and they don’t want to rock the boat.

Upon returning back to college, I have made it a point to not go back home for quite some time and instead he comes to visit me more often. My mom asked me why I haven’t been home and I told her it was because I wanted to sleep in the same bed as my bf, and that no one has a problem with us sleeping in the same bed at college, so I might as well stay there.

She got upset saying I was being ridiculous and I ended up telling her I would only come home if they “gave up on their ridiculous rule and let him sleep in my bed." She has yet to cave. While my opinion remains the same, I am worried that maybe I was a little petty and unjustified, AITA?

Extra Info: both of our families know we plan to get married in the next several years. When he doesn’t sleep in my bed, he is either on the living room sofa, or he drives home at 1-2am.

My parents claim that the reason is that we are not married, but they have no problem with (when my cousins stay with us) my cousins sleeping in the same bed as their gfs.

I am on an academic scholarship which covers tuition, I pay for everything on my own via my job as a server. I work on the weekends while in school and during the summer when I go home, I work both during the week and every weekend to support myself better during the school year.

Yes my cousins are male and they have been allowed to sleep in the same bed as their gf’s under the same roof as my parents (and grandparents) since they were 17/18.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

West_House_2085 said:

Their house, their rules ALWAYS. It doesn't matter if your cousins sleep w/ their gf's at your parents house. Your parents told you YOU can't sleep w/ your bf at their house. You not wanting to visit unless you can sleep w/ your bf is your perogative. NAH.

tinyahjumma said:

NAH. They can have whatever rules they want; you can choose to avoid having to abide by them. I get it’s annoying. My now spouse and I lived together and still had to sleep separately at my parents’ house before we married. While I did not buy into their moral code, I wasn’t going to demand they compromise their own morals for my preferences.

Caroline0541 said:

NTA. You are adults. You can make the decision to stay away without your parent’s input. Personally, I think their rule is a bit outdated and unrealistic. (And I am 67, for context - and a pastor). It also feels hypocritical.

They know you sleep together. They know you are committed to each other. However, as an adult you need to acknowledge and respect that it is their house and their rules. You don’t have to like their rules, but You do have to respect them.

I was all set to say your parents were also not a&$holes, until I saw the part about your cousins. I presume you meant they sleep in the same bed at your parent’s house. Only you can determine if this is a hill you want to live and die on. I wish you and your SO all the best.

OkBobcat7357 said:

NTA, but if your parents are generally good people and you enjoy spending time with them, I would suggest you visit them with or without your boyfriend. They might be irrational, but people are, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.

You just have to see for yourself and make sure you don’t have any regrets, like not seeing your parents enough when you could. They are your parents after all, and if you value time with them you might just have to compromise.

MerlinBiggs said:

NTA. It's their house so they can make the rules there. Your are an adult so are free to choose not to visit. If your mum wants you to visit, then she has to respect you as an adult. Like she does with your cousins.

Kirstemis said:

NTA. Obviously they have the right to set the rules in their house, but that doesn't mean their rule is fair.

Later, OP provided a mini update:

After reading all of the comments I called my mother and apologized for being dramatic. We are on great terms once again thank to you all.