'AITA for accepting inheritance from my deadbeat father?' ' He fled the country.'
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"AITA for accepting inheritance from my deadbeat father?"
I (19m) barely remember my real father, the last memory I had was that he was yelling at my mother and I was maybe 6 and hiding under the kitchen table. He was a terrible man with an alcohol problem. One day he fled the country and was never seen again, my mother met my stepfather who is a great man, and raised me as his own kid.
Just a few months ago I received a formal notice from my real father, telling me that my grandmother (his mother) had died, and he didn't expect me to go to the funeral, as I did not even know the lady, but decided to pass her apartment to me, as he was never part of my life...
It is least he can do, he doesn't expect me to contact him or anything, he wrote that he knows how terrible he was and nothing can excuse that. I was excited about the fact that I could start my life way easier and told my family about it and they got really mad at me, telling me how terrible person he was and all, and that is all true!
My mother said that he is probably using that to contact me or even worse, use it to claim that he took care of me so I have to take care of him when he is old! So I talked with a pro bono lawyer about it and she told me that accepting an inheritance can't be considered paying child support (which he never did), so if I decide to accept the apartment, it does not oblige me to anything.
My parents are still mad at me, my stepfather says I should honor my mother's wish and not accept it, while I believe that it would be stupid to say no and deny a chance to start my life a bit easier than others my age. AITA for accepting that apartment?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Aware_Welcome_8866 said:
Honey, if anyone needs to accept an inheritance, it’s the child of a deadbeat dad. Be cautious; I can understand your parents’ concerns. I also wonder if they’re worried you might feel some care for your father because he let you know of the inheritance and it will lead you to seek a relationship with him. Remind them they are the best parents in the world and you have no desire to replace them. Happy life my dear.
endor-pancakes said:
NTA - make sure you cover all your legal bases and make sure bio Dad doesn’t have any kind of legal loopholes to have access to the apartment once you take ownership. Make sure you can afford any taxes and insurance on the place.
Then take it. Never give up organic opportunities just out of spite. Life is hard enough. Sounds like yours was worse than most. No reason to let pride or misguided righteousness hold you back further.
dheffe01 said:
NTA. Talk to your mother that, that you love and respect her and that this inheritence is in no way diminishing all the love and support she has given you. That you consider it an inheritence from your grand mother, that you didn't even get to know because your father was such a worthless waste of space.
And that you have no intention of ever contacting your father except to remind him of his outstanding child support to your mother.
AntiquePop1417 said:
NTA accept it and live the life you want. Keep your parents informed of how grateful you are for their upbringing.
81optimus said:
Nta. Take the inheritance and use it as a force for good and improving your own life. In reality who couldn't use a windfall in this world right now.
VALEriaSKArlett said:
Of course NTA. Tell your mother to think of it this way: if you decline it, the deadbeat she hates has more. She should want him to have less, and she should also be happy that you will have an easier start in life.
clearheaded01 said:
NTA. None of their business as youre not placing any obligation on them.