Intern grapples with guilt after drunk voicemail love confession leads to coworker’s breakup. + UPDATE
"I (21/M) accidentally confessed how I feel to my coworker (26/F) via drunk dial."
I'm an intern at a law office. She's one of the paralegals. I initially kept to myself as most interns over there, do. She approached me first (at the cafe across the street from our building). It was light conversation. She said that she had seen me in the office a few times, asked my name, what I think of the place, etc.
Eventually we got to know each other, exchanged phone numbers, went out for lunch (in groups and just the two of us). I'm not an idiot ... I realized there was no way she could ever see me as anything more than the intern she sometimes talks hockey and Game of Thrones with.
We both speak Korean as well, so there's that. Sometimes we'll talk in Korean at work. Not full conversations, just a word or two here and there when we're trying to make an inside joke.
She's an easygoing person. Funny, smart and considerate of everyone around her. To be honest (and I know this will sound like a load of shit but) it was hard not to fall for her in some way.
That said, I know she doesn't feel the same about me. I'm too young for her. She's casually mentioned that wouldn't date anyone under 23. Makes sense. Although five years isn't a lot, it is in terms of adult life experience. I'm still in school. I have two roommates. My parents still pay for my phone.
Compared to her, I'm a child. For that reason, I've tried my best to set aside the way I feel. I'm usually really good at it. But, this weekend, I had a little too much to drink at my brother's wedding, and at the end of the night, I ended up calling her. It was late. The call went to voicemail. I can't remember exactly what I said but I definitely used the word "love" at some point.
This happened on Saturday night. She didn't say anything the next day. No call, no text, no email. Not that I expected it. I was just hoping we could get over the awkwardness of it via message instead of in person, Morning morning. I considered texting her myself and apologizing, but I'm immature, and an idiot, so I ultimately didn't.
The following Monday, I went into working expecting her to either pull me aside and say something or to ignore me completely. She did neither. In fact she didn't show up to work at all that day. Apparently she was sick. A small part of me wondered if maybe she was avoiding me, but then I reminded myself that I'm not that important.
On Tuesday, I saw her in the lobby. She walked right past me without saying anything, and actively ignored me the rest of the day. She's done the same today, for the most part. It's a miracle she hasn't gone to HR.
I'm still not sure what I said to her in the voicemail, beyond the love confession, or how. All I know is that she texted me a couple of hours ago asking if we can talk after work, which brings me here.
I agreed to meet her. I don't know what to expect. Beyond sorry, I don't know what to say. Honestly, I regret everything. I know I never had a chance with her, but to go out like this? That's embarrassing.
What should I expect going into this? And would it be too much if I offered to leave my internship and find another? Just to remove myself from her presence. I don't want to make her feel even more uncomfortable than I have. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
thedarkestbeer
"I want to apologize for the voicemail that I left the other night. It was unprofessional and inappropriate, and I deeply regret if it made you uncomfortable."
Don't offer to leave your internship. Make it clear that you understand what you did wrong, apologize, and keep your head down for a while.
chems89
Be an adult and own up to it. Apologize sincerely for clearly crossing the line with her. Express that you are willing to do what it takes to put the situation right. Don't offer to leave the internship but offer to give her space, to never text or call her again, not go to lunches with her.
You can say how deeply embarrassed you are and how it was a drunken lapse of judgement, and how you're growing up and want to learn to do better and show her the respect she deserves from you.
Frontbottomz
Please don't leave us hanging. I hope the convo goes well and an update would be much appreciated. Although it wasn't the best idea, you never make the shot you don't shoot. So there's that.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Sorry for taking so long. I forgot my phone in my car. She and I talked for about an hour after work. Apparently her boyfriend (whom she's never mentioned before) overheard the voicemail when she was listening to it the morning after the wedding.
He was understandably upset, seeing as some random guy was confessing to his girlfriend. They had a huge argument about it. He made a bunch of accusations, claiming that "people don't fall in love out of nowhere" and some other things. Basically he was saying that she was emotionally cheating with me (which is so far from the truth).
She has only ever behaved appropriately with not just me but everyone. She was upset. That's why she called in sick and avoided me for a couple of days. Not because she was mad at me, but because of the argument and breakup that followed.
I apologized profusely throughout the conversation. At one point I offered to contact her boyfriend and tell him that it was a drunken, unprompted mistake. But she said that it's okay, the relationship had run its course.
Maybe that was why she had never mentioned him before. In any case, I feel really bad for the part I played. I didn't intend for any of this to happen. Surprisingly she still wants to be friends.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Quicksilve5
"Maybe that was why she had never mentioned him before."
Oh yeah, sounds like. Don't feel bad, dude. It sounds like you were the catalyst for an insecure man to finally show his true colours. One could argue you did her a favor by getting drunk and saying ily on the phone.
StartedasalittleW
Yeah, definitely not your fault for the breakup. If my girlfriend told me someone at work had done this to her, I'd trust her to handle the situation on her own. Live and learn kid, we all mess up once in awhile.
Breakfast_Lost
The relevant comments in the original post was A+. OP is lucky she didn't go to HR with the voicemail.
SmartQuokka
OP should not try to shoot his shot, keep his distance/be professional and let her make the next move. If she is interested she will demonstrate it, if not OP will make the situation worse by chasing her. Being 7 years later, i wonder how it all turned out.
FeuerroteZora
I gotta say, after "should I hit on my brother's GF" guy, this OP is actually a nice change. Everything other than the drunk message is him just being a very decent guy.
I mean, even guys more clued in than "my brother's GF touched me so she loves me" guy would've reacted to the breakup news with irrational hope. This guy doesn't, and I'm glad that she decided to give him a chance at apologizing without involving HR.