'AITA for accidentally telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won’t be part of my wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won’t be a part of my wedding?"
This situation is RIDICULOUS but this whole thing has caused almost nuclear warfare across the family so I'm here to get a consensus. Throwaway for privacy even though there's a good chance my fiance will see it.
I (26 F) have been with my fiance Chris (26 M) for four years now. He and his sister (21 F) Lilac are VERY close. They had a pretty traumatic childhood and always promised each other to be there no matter what. Lilac is a good sister to him but as a person, truthfully, I can't stand her. She is the textbook definition of a bubbly blonde.
She is overly charismatic, always giggling, and in general, just acts too immature for my taste. She likes to pull pranks every once in a while on my fiance and he gets her back but the whole ordeal just seems childish and obnoxious to me. Ever since we got engaged, I knew I didn't want her in my wedding party because that means I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette and other parties.
Fast forward to last night and my fiance asks me when I plan on asking Lilac to be a bridesmaid. I got quiet and truthfully said I didn't plan on doing so. This upset him because he said wants his sister to be a part of the most important day of his life and that if I didn't do it he was going to make her a “groomswoman” to make sure she is included. I can't lie, this set me off.
I went off about how I want to feel respected by him and be able to enjoy my wedding day. He said he also wants to enjoy his day, which to be fair, I understand. This is where I may be TA, I told him that I have always disliked his sister and wished he would just not include her for once on a day that isn't even about her. He got quiet and went into our guest room to be alone.
A couple of minutes later I got a text from Lilac that she completely respects my decision to not want her in the wedding party but she's hurt to know what I actually feel about her. I didn't want her to find out at all and now he's told his whole family about our argument. Half of them are attacking me and half of them are saying it's my day so I should be able to enjoy it.
Honestly, this whole ordeal is stressful for no reason because Lilac isn't even upset I don't want her in my wedding party yet the whole family is upset and my fiance has been very short with me all day. AITA?
Edit: Just because I hate her personality doesn't mean I'm mean to her. Being around her drains my social battery but I have never been mean to her nor did I want her to find out ever, especially in this way. I am just super introverted and our personalities collide.
I don't want her at my bachelorette party because I want to enjoy it fully and not feel anxious the whole time because the personification of a human firecracker is attending.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
notlucyintheskye said:
YTA. "I didn't want her in my wedding party because that means I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette and other parties." Boy, do I have some bad news about what's going to happen if you actually MARRY her brother and legally bind yourself to him and his family for the forseeable future...
(To be clear, you're free to not want her in your wedding party, but if she's going to be your SIL, you might have to get over your distaste of blondes who've *checked list* been bubbly and happy)
ShadyVermin said:
So... She's happy and enjoying life and this... Bothers you? Might want to do some inward reflections there bud. YTA. It's your fiancé's wedding too, it's not all about you.
CrystalQueen3000 said:
YTA and sound jealous of their relationship. It’s not just your wedding, it’s his wedding too and if you don’t want her as a bridesmaid then fine but it’s unfair for you to dictate that he can’t have her on his side and blow up at him for wanting to include her.
Lots of selfishness on your end, that’s not a great way to start a marriage. It’s not even like she’s major drama, you just find her too giggly and obnoxious.
countingpickles said:
YTA. You have every right to not ask her to be a bridesmaid, you don't have the right to tell your FH she can't be a groomswoman, that's just being petty. If their history is as traumatic as you day it is, have you stopped to consider her personality is a result of the trauma as a way of coping? I suggest you think long and hard if this is the hill you're going to die on, because honestly, you might not enjoy the outcome.
And madelinegumbo said:
YTA. She's blonde and acts 21...which she is. And she's a good sister to him and he wants her there to help celebrate a happy day for him. That you don't even want him to include her is what makes you the @$$hole here. She hasn't done anything but be bubbly and loved by your fiance. Is this wedding about him too or is he just the groom doll for your big moment ?
UPDATE:
I am probably going to make this my only update for a while if not ever. We talked this morning, sorry for not posting it earlier, my wifi company has been having some issues. We still are not resolved. He doesn't just want her as a groomswoman but wants to ask her to be the "bestwoman" (best man but as a woman).
This is still not resolved because I am not comfortable with that and it's more stressful because the whole family has turned into flying monkeys because his sister is the apple of their eye so they took what I said as a serious attack against her.