'Aggressive' MOH tells bride to 'back off' bachelorette plan, 'she went behind my back.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my friend to back off and let me plan her bachelorette?"
My friend Alissa is getting married in a few months and I'm the Maid of Honor planning her bachelorette trip. I am in a group chat with all of her friends (Alissa is not in this group) so I can plan stuff.
At the beginning of the month, I asked the girls to send me their payments for the airbnb by the end of the month. Some have sent theirs, others not yet but I'm taking care of it. I forward all the payments to Alissa since she is booking the airbnb and then the rest of us are paying for the rest of the trip.
Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
Today she messaged me with an update saying she reached out to the remaining girls and told me when they were planning to send it. I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back to take care of it as I'm the one planning it, and it made me feel like she thinks I can't plan the trip.
I told her to back off and asked her why she doesn't trust me, and told her to stay out of the planning. She got offended and told me that I'm taking it too personally and that it's her bachelorette and she's allowed to text her own friends. Now it's been awkward and tense between us.
My mom told me I was rude and aggressive for telling her to back off, but I feel like I'm a bit justified. Imagine being told to do a job and someone just does it for you? It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent. AITA?
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
KronkLaSworda said:
"She got offended and told me that I'm taking it too personally and that it's her bachelorette and she's allowed to text her own friends." She and your mom are correct.
There was no need for you to be so aggressive. It's HER party, not yours. Also, she's the one putting the AirBnB on her card! She is 100% free to ask questions. YTA.
Rastavaray said:
YTA. "I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it." Don't ignore someone and then get pissy when they take matters into their own hands.
PrettyLittleAccident said:
YTA. You weren’t the one booking the airbnb, she was. She is part of the planning and needs the money to do so. You didn’t respond to her when she asked you, so she had no other choice. ITS HER BACH PARTY, NOT YOURS. Also the “why she doesn’t trust me” was soooo gaslighting-y.
Liss78 said:
YTA. You ignored her text asking about it, then got upset she went directly to them to find out. That's not her overstepping, that's 100% your failing to respond.
She's planning a whole wedding right now and your role is to help with the bachelorette. Just help, don't argue. If you don't respond, she is going to step in. She has to because she wants this to go smoothly.
You don't get to get snippy with her if you ignore her and she does it herself. You apologize for not responding to her.
ComprehensiveMix1961 said:
YTA. As a MOH myself, I would never exclude the bride from her own party tf! I don't get why you ignored her message in the first place and didn't just tell her you would reach out to the other girls for payment. Sounds like she made the wrong choice for MOH.
Ducky818 said:
YTA. She didn't berate anyone. She just wanted to know when the payments would be coming. She asked you and you did not really provide much of an answer. Telling her to "back off" is pretty aggressive. You are taking this too personally. Be nice.
JenninMiami said:
YTA you didn’t respond to her, so of course she asked the girls herself.