'AIO for ending this with my wife today because her family keeps barging in?'
"AIO for ending this with my wife today because her family keeps barging in?"
I ( M38) left my wife ( Kelly F38) today. 5 years together. 4 married. I have battled her lack of boundaries about her family for the past 2 years. I understand that they are very close knit, but she never paid attention to how their dynamics affected our relationship.
I experienced every “justnofamily” situation. My food was eaten, showing up uninvited, meddling, you name it. 9 months ago, MIL and FIL began divorce proceedings ( he cheated, fell “madly” in love with a side chick with whom he's lived for the past 15 years, and he decided that he wants to get remarried).
He kicked everyone out of the house. It was an emergency, so I agreed to help out. I so regret it. I had to take 4 people in, but they couldn't think to avoid constantly pissing me off.
I got sick of finding them using our private bathroom ( they had complete access to the other full bathroom by the hallway). SIL started taking naps on our bed which is creepy because a bed is too personal.
I came home late and we had to wake her up and still waited for her to snap out of her groggy state so that she could walk out. It lasted for 3 months, but the problems persisted.
No matter how many times I told my wife and even told them, they still showed up at random hours. Even if I didn't run into them, I know she was allowing them to come over. I hated their presence.
They would eat my snacks and get on my expensive recliner chair which again, they didn't contribute a penny for. I had a mini orchard that they picked empty. Things got so tense that I blew at her in front of them.
They left, we had a fight and I ended up sleeping in a hotel. I warned her many times about being fed up and needing her to support me. She acted like I was demanding that she abandoned her family.
Today, I came home to find her brother's car blocking the entrance. Not on the side and not even on the driveway, just right in the middle where my only option would be to get on the lawn. I go inside and he's laying with his shoes on the couch.
He gave me this fresh smile like he's untouchable. I went to our bedroom and packed as much of my belongings as possible and ignored her pleas to talk. There's nothing else to talk about. I already called a few lawyers but haven't received any replies yet.
She cried, but at this point, I have no empathy. I don't even know if I over reacted or if I needed to discuss this in private. I feel defeated and angry and I also hate her family with my soul. They knew they were hurting our relationship and they didn't care.
She knew that I'm a private person who hates being invaded. I helped them because I live here and I didn't have the balls to let them go to sleep in their car. We don't have kids, but there are so many things that will be left undone.
I loved her so much but I just can't. She called me immediately after I left and I told her that my decision is final. She sounded shaken but I told her that right now, I despise her and will never be able to sleep next to her again.
Sorry for any typos. I have a migraine right now. I'm just coming here because I just want to ask if leaving the way I did was an AH move and maybe I should have announced my intention of ending our marriage after her brother was gone.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
She only wanted to talk after refusing to listen for months.
Why wait? She has no issue with them being in the middle of everything else. They can be in the middle of her getting dumped. A lot of people don't seem to realize that once you are married, your spouse and kids are the priority and family moves back a space.
She refused to set boundaries, blatantly disrespected you and allowed her family to. Then let her figure it out with them. I wish you all the peace and happiness life can offer.
It’s a good thing yall didn’t have kids yet. You absolutely didn’t over react. The smirk your brother in law gave me would have sent me into a rage. Good for you for leaving. Do yall own or rent the house?
Not overreacting. You told her multiple times how you felt & she just ignored you. Now she FAFO 🤷🏾♀️
Stop being the family's ATM and free hotel. NTA.
You didn’t overreact.
She wants to be married to her brother and family so congrats to her lol. You can find better.
For something as serious a divorce I wouldn’t take the advice from Reddit. You summarized a very small portion of a 5 year relationship which will be from your perspective (we all do it) and you have guys ready to have you call it quits.
You know how many details are left out in the span of 5 years. It’s impossible to give a truly accurate and clear picture in this short of a post. I’d suggest turn elsewhere for advice (professionals) that will sit through multiple sessions of going over the ins and outs / details as well as options.
Nope. Didn't overreact. Putting the disrespect that you absolutely experienced aside, this is a significant difference in values about how to handle family. I'm not saying her values are better than yours to be crystal clear -- you guys just don't feel even remotely the same way about how these things should be handled, and she did not seek a compromise. That can't work.