'AITA for being so happy my mom left her husband and chose me over him and his daughter?'

"AITA for being so happy my mom left her husband and chose me over him and his daughter?"

I wanna know if I'm TA for the way I feel and acted or not. But I should give some background. My mom has custody of me (16f) but she's not my biological or even my legal mom. She's technically my ex-stepmom who I met when I was 6. She was married to my dad for 3 years and had my brother (7) with him. My biological parents were both sh--ty.

They fought over me a lot. My dad did a great job of acting like he cared about me and fought for me instead of using me to fight with the other co-creator of me. But as my mom learned they were both equally bad for that.

The only difference is she (bio) physically ab-sed me too. She tried to alienate me from mom and was really bitter about me liking my mom. Her ab-sing me wasn't just a once off but there were always things that happened.

While my mom was married to my dad it was the worst and my bio lost custody of me while mom and dad were still married but when she realized he didn't care she left him and he offered to sign me over if she'd accept getting no child support for me or my brother. Mom agreed to keep me safe and she's been my mom ever since.

Mom tried to legally adopt me a few times but bio refused to sign away her rights and the courts let her keep them even though she has no custody of me. The fact I wanted to be adopted didn't matter either. But mom said it was okay, we could do an adult adoption when I'm older if I really want to but I'm still her little girl. Mom met her husband four years ago. He was divorced two times already.

He has full custody of his 14-year-old daughter and he shares custody of his 11-year-old daughter and 9 and 8-year-old sons. My brother immediately got super close to mom's husband and they had a close bond so I sorta hid how shitty things were. But her husband's 14-year-old daughter b-llied me. She knew I wasn't mom's bio kid or legal kid and she would taunt me about it.

She wanted mom for herself because her ex-stepmom didn't want anything to do with her and neither did her mom. My mom treated her well and they had built up a relationship and it did hurt my feelings because she was so awful about it. But I kept the bullying from mom because I knew she'd leave to protect me and I didn't want to take away my brother's chance to have both parents.

But once my brother realized what was going on he was different toward mom's husband's daughter which made mom start asking questions and I tried to hide it. Until the end of last year when my mom heard her husband's daughter taunting me about not being mom's real kid and saying how she'd be the new daughter and I'd be sent away because I wasn't needed anymore.

She said she could win my brother over and replace me as his sister too and I'd have nobody. She said I could go back to my "real mom" so she could beat me more. That stuff was said a lot when the adults couldn't hear. Mom and her husband sat her down and talked to her but she was spewing a lot of shit when she realized mom didn't buy that I was b-llying her.

When she said I was the kid nobody would ever want and she was so much better and she could prove it by being a better sister my mom told her husband they had to live apart until he could fix her behavior. She started crying which made him try to defend her. He said I was older and could handle but she couldn't lose another mom.

While mom said she had to stand by me and do right by me as the only parent I had. He wanted things to stay the same, his daughter wanted me gone, and mom, my brother and I moved out. Mom and him have talked in therapy a few times since. But she keeps me and my brother away from it even if it upsets my brother not to see her husband.

But she doesn't want him around his daughter who is always there because she wants my mom to come back and be her mom. I saw her at school last week when she came to the building I have classes in (we have two at my school). She wasn't supposed to be there but she wanted to fight me and got loud enough that teacher's made her leave.

But she hadn't realized mom filed for divorce and she was saying how unfair it was that mom chose me and I told her I was glad and I couldn't wait until it was all over and how mom chose me just like I knew she would. It upset her a lot. Then her dad was on the phone to mom a lot over the last few days saying I shouldn't be so happy about it and his daughter is younger and I should be more understanding.

Mom stood up for me and I was glad. He wanted mom to visit his daughter and talk to her at least once before it was all officially over but mom said no. She said she was standing by me. I was glad. But it made me wonder if maybe I'm a bad person because I am 2 years older and she was already rejected two times before. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Ordinaryflyaway wrote:

My daughter is not my biological kid either. My husband and I raised her from 8 until adulthood. We're the only people that choose her...time after time. Your mom is a rockstar.

OP responded:

I'm so glad she has you both! I forever appreciate my mom for choosing me. She didn't have to. She could've taken my brother and run. But she fought for me and I love her so much more for it.

Feedsblackbats wrote:

NTA. You tried to keep it all secret, while it was with a good heart it probably wasn't the best thing to do, you should have trusted your Mom to make the right decision at the time, before everyone else got attached, and maybe things could have been worked out. And if not it would have been an easier split. Learn from this for the future.

You aren't wrong for how you feel at all, it must be such a relief to be away from that girl and everything out in the open. She needs serious therapy to help her with this huge personality flaw. That being said I wonder if her Dad chose your Mom partially because the way she took on and obviously loves two children who weren't her own blood, he wanted that for his children.

Begging her to stay rather than seeking help for his daughter was enabling behaviour. Some individual and family therapy may help you all with the seperation, allow you, your brother and Mom to express yourselves, and learn to communicate (your brother didn't speak out either without being pushed). Your Mom is a total star.

OP responded:

My brother is my mom's bio kid. But it's possible her husband was drawn to mom when he realized I wasn't her bio kid and he thought it would be good for his daughter.

aquavenatus wrote:

NTA I’m glad things worked out for you! As for your former stepsister, she’s the direct cause of the divorce. Her behavior and her father refusing to discipline her is why your mother made the decision to divorce. She knows you and your brother cannot handle another toxic living environment. Hopefully, she learns her lesson from all of this.

levischlorinedump wrote:

NTA. It’s completely understandable that you feel relieved and even happy that your mom stood by you and made the decision to leave her husband for your sake. You've been through a lot, and for your mom to prioritize your well-being over her husband's, especially after everything you've endured, is a big deal.

You didn’t create this situation, but you’ve been a victim of bullying and emotional abuse from her daughter, and your mom took the right step to protect you. It’s important to remember that she wasn’t just being a kid; she was acting in a way that was intentionally hurtful and damaging.

Your mom’s decision to choose you over her husband's daughter is a reflection of her commitment to being there for you, her child, and that’s something you have every right to feel good about. Your mom’s choice shows that she values you, and you have every right to feel supported and happy about that.