'AITA for being rude when my wife had a Zoom meeting in my office? She is pissed.'

"AITAH for being rude when my wife had a zoom meeting in my office?"

I had a medical procedure this morning/afternoon and didn’t arrive home till about 3PM. While I was gone, we had some cleaners come to our home so my wife relocated from her office to my office where the dogs were being kept. This keeps them quiet. The cleaners left at 1PM so the whole house was available for my wife to have her meetings.

Let me add that my wife has a local office, but wanted to work from home today. The medical procedure makes me very sick, and I needed my medication, which was in my office. When I got home, my wife was still in my office, even though the cleaners were long gone.

She refused to even look at me and I could’ve just walked in, but I think she would have gotten angry. I took 15 minutes to do a few quick chores for my wife, came back and she was still in there. So I stood outside my office and waited. I was there long enough that I decided to just wait in the bedroom.

When I came out, my wife was very angry, and sincerely called me TA. I explained that the cleaners had been gone for hours, and my wife had the rest of the house to have this meeting. She called me an AH again like this is my fault. I couldn’t get into my office to get my medications, but I am the bad guy.

I feel that my wife has terrible WFH etiquette and because of that makes her abrasive to these types of situations. There is nothing wrong with asking the person you are meeting with for a minute to move. Or honestly just a min. for me to sneak in and grab medication bag. Do you agree with my wife, AITAH? Thanks for everyone’s response. We had a good conversation.

She was in my office because she had an eye appointment this morning and her eyes were dilated. Her offices faces the sun so she moved into my office since she could see better. I asked her if she could tell me those things before she calls me an AH. I showed her the post and she and I agree with most of you. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

The internet had a lot to say in response.

lime-that-zest wrote:

INFO can you explain what your wife was mad about? I've read the post twice and I don't get it.

OP responded:

She was mad that I was standing outside my office waiting to go in. She left the door open so I could see her. She said “Don’t do this while I’m on a business call!” I then pointed out she could have switched rooms at anytime, and then she called me an AH.

Usrname52 wrote:

Other than needing to grab your medication, did you actually need your office for anything? Because just standing at the door, "patiently waiting," instead of walking in, quietly grabbing the medication, and walking out comes off as very passive-aggressive.

OP responded:

I confirmed with my wife that she would be even angrier for disrupting the meeting. She will not read texts or emails during her calls. So I couldn’t have just sent her message. Literally the only thing I could do is wait at the door.

If someone thinks I’m passive-aggressive they may not have a debilitating disease whose treatment makes you sicker. I just didn’t know about her eyes being dilated. But I still needed my meds.

Sl8rgirl wrote:

The two of you sound absolutely exhausting. It’s probably a pain in the neck to move work stations back and forth all day. You came home during her meeting. You don’t know how important that meeting was. You were just standing in the doorway lingering while she was on a call which is super distracting and stressful (even if you were quiet).

I understand that you were in pain and frustrated that she was in your space still. It would have been really nice for her to pause the meeting so you could get your things, but depending on the type of meeting it was, it may not have been that simple. ESH.

hornyknuckles wrote:

You did quick chores "for your wife?" Do you mean stuff that needed to be done around the house you both live in? You should have just unobtrusively walked into the room to get your meds. Standing in the doorway for fifteen minutes is totally passive-aggressive and would be irritating to anyone.

Though, she did seem to overreact. If she had been furious because you did that, then she would be TA. I think you're YTA, mostly because of the way you described the situation with yourself cast as the martyr who does chores for his wife. If you're always like this, I see why she would be short tempered with you.

Embarrassed_Lion4433 wrote:

YTA you just stand there!? I know you’re sick but you sound resentful and passive aggressive. You are so sick but you spend 15 minutes to do chores-for your wife, then stand there because you say you don’t want to interrupt her. She then says don’t do this while I’m on a business call, you could have said then, I need my meds can you hand them to me?

But no you say nothing and just stand outside your own office the entire time. You need to be more direct and comfortable with confrontation, you are not communicating your needs and wants which is a great way to build up resentment.

ImaginaryPlenty8258 wrote:

YTA. Being passive aggressive gets you nowhere and claiming that you would be in worse trouble if you quietly walked in is moving the goalpost so you can be in the right.

There are ways to get things done.

Eg. quietly dropping a note in front of her saying "sorry! Grabbing my meds love you!" Then walking away. Has she ever been upset at something like that? Or are you saying it because you need an excuse to be right? Ugh grown adults are no better than 6-year-olds these days.