'AITA for calling my BIL's wife insanely entitled after an argument over photos of my sister?'

"AITA for calling my BIL's wife insanely entitled after an argument over photos of my sister?"

My late sister, Anna, was married to my best friend, Josh. Together they had two children. My niece is 9 and my nephew is 7. Anna died 3 years ago. Josh remarried 1 year ago. His current wife is Hazel.

I'll confess it has been awkward, uncomfortable and my BIL has admitted that he feels it too. We're still close, still best friends too. But it's weird and hurts sometimes to see him with someone else. I'm happy he's happy but Anna was my sister so the emotions are a lot more complex.

He understands. My niece and nephew have struggled to accept Hazel. My nephew doesn't really remember his mom but my niece talks about her a lot and BIL talks about her too. He has never wanted to forget her/erase her or let her memory fade. Hazel and I get along okay. We're not close. I admit that we don't really talk or engage much. There have been some weird moments.

She didn't love me and my family being at the wedding or taking care of the kids that day (BIL asked). She had wanted her parents to take care of the kids. She has also said she finds it weird that I'm Anna's brother. While I struggle with Josh being married to someone who isn't Anna. But I'm also happy for his happiness.

A week ago Hazel and I got into a fight and it has caused some extra tension. She told me she was uncomfortable in my house and that I needed to remove the family photos of Anna, Josh and the kids and Anna and Josh's wedding photos.

And even mine because Anna and Josh were in them too. I laughed at first thinking she couldn't be serious, but she was. She said she always looks to see if I still have them and then said I should take them down and put up some of them (her and Josh and the kids).

She also wanted me to remove the wall of Anna's art in our dining room. This is different paintings/drawings Anna did for me/us over the years. She told me Anna's dead. Anna's the past and she (Hazel) is the future. I told her Anna is my sister, not her and I can have photos of my sister in my home if I want to.

She told me I can't deny her this because I even have childhood photos of Anna on the walls and she's letting them go even though she feels they should be gone too. She said the kids see themselves in her kid photos and it's making it harder for her to get into their hearts. She told me I have no right to make her so uncomfortable. I said she should not be this insanely entitled at her age (32).

That she should be grown enough to know she can't dictate other people's houses. Josh came in and asked Hazel to go home early. He asked me to have the kids three days last week too which we did. Hazel didn't like it and she accused me of taking the kids out of spite so I can fill their heads with talk about Anna. She called me an asshole and an insensitive jerk. AITA?

The commenters did not hold back one bit.

JPenelope wrote:

NTA. Anna was your sister, not just Josh’s wife. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to have photos of her and her art in your own home. Also, especially with the kids, it’s important for them to remember their mother, and to see photos of themselves with her. Hazel may be their stepmom but it sounds like she’s trying to replace Anna in the minds and hearts of Anna’s own children. That’s a red flag for me.

Cultural_section_862 wrote:

Holy f--king s--t

I can't even fathom where this...person thought this would be a reasonable request.

NTA wtf was Josh thinking?

juicyjake32 wrote:

Your BIL needs to have a serious discussion with his wife otherwise he’s just as responsible for this s--t as she is now. Just disgusting behavior from that woman. NTA.

Scenarioing wrote:

She told me she was uncomfortable in my house and that I needed to remove the family photos of Anna"

---In your own home? Aw, hell no!

BTW, she is definitely one of those people who tries to erase a deceased parent from the kid's lives. Your best friend picked a real doozy as a wife. I feel bad for these kids. Losing ther mother, having some woman trying to take over their lives as such and a dad who isn't doing s-t about it. Some best friend you have there. NTA.

ZoeOhhZoe wrote:

NTA! Hazel’s request is wildly out of line. Those photos and artwork are part of your family’s history, and it’s completely unreasonable for her to expect you to erase your sister’s memory just because she feels uncomfortable. Anna was your sister, and that connection doesn’t vanish because Josh remarried. It’s not like you’re flaunting these things in her face—they’re in your own home!

Hazel’s insecurity about winning over the kids shouldn’t lead to controlling what you do with your space. You’re honoring Anna, and that’s your right. If anything, Hazel needs to work on her entitlement, not you.

Stormandsunshine wrote:

NTA but why on earth did they marry? She clearly can't accept her husband has been married before, so why did she marry him? And why did he let someone into his children's lives who is jealous of their late mother? This marriage is doomed if they don't sort this out. I doubt she will change, though.

Famous_Specialist_44 wrote:

It must be hard. I guess you have to work to keep it civil so that you can maintain your friendship with Josh and not give her an excuse to make it difficult to stay in contact with your niece and nephew.

However, between the two of us - who does she think she is? Outrageous. Telling you how to decorate your home, take down family photos, and trying to write your sister out of her kid's memories. The cheek of it. I hope Josh knows she's overstepping, overreaching, and overdue a good talking to about boundaries. NTA.

OldGamerLady wrote:

NTA.

This is something Josh really should have hashed out with Hazel before getting married. I hope he fixes it now. And for her to dictate what photos and art work goes up in your home is insane.

LunarEclipse0204 wrote:

I am sorry for the loss of your sister for your whole family.

Thank you for helping keep the memory of your sister alive for her babies.

Hazel is acting entitled, and has no right to demand anything in your home. If she is uncomfortable, that is a Hazel Problem not everyone else in the world problem.

Hazel is trying to replace their mom in all ways and that's not right, she might need therapy truly or hopefully Josh comes to his senses and divorces her.

NTA.