'AITA for calling out my uncle in front of everyone? He was touchy and made weird comments about my GF's looks.'

"AITAH for calling out my uncle in front of everyone after making weird comments on my girlfriend's looks and being too touchy?"

So basically, at a family barbecue last weekend, my uncle (mid-50s) kept making creepy comments about my girlfriend Kate(21F) who I invited. At first, it was backhanded compliments like, "Wow, you’re way too pretty for him," but then it got worse-"I would have snatched you up back in the day," and "Must be a struggle to compromise for me?"

He even joked about how my girlfriend must get hit on all the time and how I should "keep an eye on her." On top of that, he was being way too touchy, putting his hand on her lower back, touching her arm when he laughed, and even leaning in way too close while talking to her.

My girlfriend was clearly uncomfortable but tried to brush it off. She told me privately that it made her uncomfortable. I confronted him in front of everyone, straight-up calling him a creep and telling him to knock it off in a loud way. He got defensive, saying he was just joking, and my mom told me I was out of line for embarrassing him like that.

Some family members agreed with me, but others think I overreacted and should've handled it privately since everyone knows him as a joker and just loves making conversation which he is good at. Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn't have any complaints like Kate.

My uncle said he was just making jokes, and he didn't mean any of them, and he is really disappointed that I looked at him as that kind of guy

AITA for calling him out publicly instead of pulling him aside?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

abovethegroundpoolqueen wrote:

Thank you! Thank you, thank you thank you! My ex‘s best friend used to creep all over me and my boyfriend would always act like I was overreacting. All I wanted was one time. Tell the guy to keep his hands off me and he never did it.

And anytime I made a big deal about it. Everybody would treat me like I was the one overreacting. Thank you, thank you thank you for doing this! I wish all men would do this every time they see it happen.

OP responded:

Sorry for that, and thank you too.

Most-Device-7298 wrote:

What always amazes me about situations like this is that people are so quick to pounce on the person who’s standing up for someone who’s trapped in an uncomfortable situation. Your uncle was the one who was being inappropriate, and you, quite appropriately, put a stop to his behaviour to protect your girlfriend.

What your uncle (and everyone else) failed to realize is that there was a power imbalance here: your gf was the new girl at a family gathering, meaning she probably felt obligated to be agreeable in order to be accepted by the group.

She felt uncomfortable, but was too scared to stop the behaviour. She was at a disadvantage, and your uncle took advantage of the situation, knowingly or unknowingly.

OP responded:

Seeing her visibly shaken was just awful, and the ask for help was just all that was needed for me to go at my uncle, I was so furious.

Liamariex wrote:

NTA! You did the right thing, especially since your girlfriend was uncomfortable. Sometimes public confrontation is the only way to get the point across.

OP responded:

I'm sure he also said some things to others; they just didn't speak up. Kate was shaken and I did what needed to be done.

bananainpyjamas2019 wrote:

We need to teach kids from a young age, call out creeps on their behaviour, you don't have to be polite to men who creep you out!!!!

Well done! 🙌 I can imagine the horrible awkward uncomfortable situation she was put in by him!!! And you got her out of it.

wanderer866 wrote:

"Uncle said he was just making jokes, and he didn't mean any of them, and he is really disappointed that I looked at him as that kind of guy."

NTA, turn that on him. Express how disappointed you are that your uncle is acting like that kind of guy.

embopbopdoowop wrote:

“Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn’t have any complaints like Kate.”

Gee, I wonder why their girlfriends haven’t raised any discomfort to such dismissive partners.

“My Uncle said he was just making jokes.”

Shouldn’t be a problem to stop them, then.

“Others thinks I overreacted and should’ve handled it privately.”

He did it publicly. He gets called out publicly. NTA.

Certain-Dirt-3930 wrote:

Advice for Kate: I read something before that’s stuck with me. If a man says things like this that makes you uncomfortable respond with “what did you mean by that comment” or “did you mean to say that out loud?” Making them have to explain their said joke will in return make them feel uncomfortable.

SufficientWitness396 wrote:

Thank you for standing up for your girlfriend when she said she was uncomfortable.

Too often, men like your uncle get away with being creeps because of the lie that they are 'just kidding' and the woman is 'overreacting'. It's sad, but we need guys like you to call out jerks like him publicly before anything will change.

not_that_united wrote:

NTA. Every time a crowd politely ignores unacceptable behavior just to keep the peace, a creep gets bolder because they're sure there won't actually be consequences for acting in a way they know is unacceptable.

Then they get entitled and cry about it when people don't politely ignore their behavior and instead say out loud what everyone already knows: that behavior is unacceptable and they need to stop. Maybe he'll think twice next time.

SivvyFox wrote:

Exactly this. Guarantee you the cousins' girlfriends raised concerns that were dismissed, so never brought it up again. Not that the cousins will ever say so since they clearly view this as acceptable behavior from the uncle. At least someone in the family is speaking up about it.