'AITA for canceling Christmas dinner because my husband’s 'secret Santa' gift was for his gaming buddy?'

"AITA for canceling Christmas dinner because my husband’s 'secret Santa' gift was for his gaming buddy and not me?"

I’m currently hiding in our bedroom with a bottle of wine, while my husband plays video games in the living room, probably telling his online friends how I “ruined Christmas.” My phone is blowing up with texts from his mom, calling me selfish, and I’m debating whether I should just block her until New Year’s.

Let me explain what led to this festive meltdown. For context, I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for three years, and we host Christmas dinner every year for his family. This year, I went all out—decorating the house, planning an amazing menu, even handmaking some of the table decorations.

Meanwhile, my husband has been “too busy” with work (read: his online gaming) to help with anything. A few weeks ago, we decided to do a Secret Santa gift exchange with his family, including a $100 budget. My husband got assigned me, which I thought was sweet because he could easily get me something thoughtful without needing hints from anyone else.

I, on the other hand, got his dad, and I spent weeks hunting down the perfect vintage vinyl record he’s been searching for. Fast forward to today. After spending all morning in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner, I decided to sneak a peek at the gifts under the tree.

That’s when I noticed a box with my husband’s handwriting addressed to someone named “The Warlord.” Confused, I opened it (yes, I snooped—sue me), and inside was a $150 custom-made gaming headset. For context, my husband has a gaming buddy he plays with almost every night who goes by “The Warlord.”

At first, I thought maybe he got an extra gift for his friend. But then it hit me: he spent more on a gift for his gaming buddy than he did on me, his wife. I checked the gift he got for me, and it was a $20 candle—yes, a candle—with the generic message: “Merry Christmas! Love, [husband’s name].” I’m not even a candle person.

I confronted him immediately. He laughed and said, “It’s just Secret Santa, not a big deal. Besides, The Warlord and I have been gaming together for years. You wouldn’t get it.” No apology, no explanation—just excuses about how I’m “overreacting” and “ruining the holiday spirit.”

At that point, I’d had enough. I walked back to the kitchen, packed up the food, and told him Christmas dinner was canceled.

His mom and sister started blowing up my phone, accusing me of being petty, but honestly, I don’t even care.

I’m not about to serve dinner to a man who thinks his online buddy deserves more effort than his wife. So here I am, drinking wine in my pajamas, while the ham I spent hours glazing sits untouched in the fridge. AITA for canceling Christmas dinner and making a point? Or should I have just sucked it up and let The Warlord win this one?

Internet commenters had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Zscalerrguy wrote:

Condolences. It appears this has been building. Overall, not the AH. Are you following thru with more? Counseling, separation??? Best of luck.

OP responded:

Thanks and yes you’re right.. it’s been building for a while and not the first time now.

ravynwave responded:

Tell him he can marry the Warlord since that’s his more meaningful relationship.

The_Coaltrain wrote:

Why would the box with 'The Warlords' gift be under the tree?

ETA: For everyone who keeps explaining why they keep non-family presents under the tree, none of you are explaining why a present for an online friend would be kept under the tree instead of posted to them directly.

Hopeful_Ambition_240 wrote:

NTA, I'm not going with divorce. But you should definitely take a step back and evaluate if he puts the same amount of effort for you into everything that has to do with you. $20? It is the thought that counts, but I guarantee he did not look at the candle and go, "Yeah, that's my wife." You obviously put more into the relationships you hold dear. Maybe you should take a step back from that as well.

As for the mother and sister? I had no idea they had anything to do with your marriage but I'd be tempted to say, "Thanks for letting me know the only gift you ever want for the rest of your lives is a single candle. I'll make sure to fulfill your wishes because you're right, "It's the thought that counts."" But I'm petty.

bada-sbiotch wrote:

You deserve someone who puts effort into something that’s important to you.

I’m sorry this happened and please know this internet stranger is sending love and strength your way. I hope that you can find a way to find joy (some how!) this holiday season.