'AITA for cutting off my friends who made fun of my BF for being inexperienced?' UPDATED 4X

"AITA for cutting off my friends after they made fun of my BF because they slept with me?"

So I had 3 guy friends, they're not my only friends, but we were pretty close. And I've been with all of them. Including some group situations. This stopped some years ago. In fact, two of them are in long term relationships with two of my best friends. And they are aware of our history. Now, my BF and I have been together for about a year, and it's been the best relationship I've had.

The thing is my BF is a bit insecure because I'm his first. He's also aware of my history with my friends. I've assured him that this is in the past and I have no attraction to them at all now, and that he's all I need. I actually asked my friends to never talk about this ever. However, the other night, we were all hanging out, and I headed out with a friend to get some stuff.

When we get back, my BF's mood is much different. He plays it off but I can tell something was bothering him. When we get back to my place, I press the issue, and he says my guy friends kept making "eskimo" brother jokes, and how good he must be if he can satisfy me the same way all of them couldn't. I was furious, and confronted my friends.

They kept saying they were trying to "man" up my BF since I told them he felt insecure about them. My BF kept trying to save face, saying things that the past is the past, but I can tell he's feeling down. I decided to cut off my friends because not only they disrespected my BF, but also me by calling me "leftovers."

My two best friends keep saying that it's not a big deal and that me and my bf are overreacting. Also, how can I make this up to my BF? I tried to show him how much I want him, but he hasn't been in the mood.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Key_Requirement_8379 wrote:

NTA for cutting off the three guy friends. If your other two “friends” continue to make you feel in the wrong, I’d cut ties with them, too. YTA for telling any of them your BF was insecure about your past. You broke his trust and it’s going to take more than initiating intimacy to gain that back.

OP responded:

I was trying to help. I've heard stories about a girl's past being exposed because their friends let it slip. I didn't want that to happen.

I really thought my guy friends would understand.

Infamous_Anything_67 wrote:

Those are not great friends. I think you are correct in cutting them off. They show a distinct lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. Apologize to your BF for sharing his insecurities, unless he specifically said that it was okay, those were likely told to you in confidence and you broke that confidence.

You're going to have to earn back his trust, I don't know the best way to do that, but it sounds like the two of you need to have a conversation.

OP responded:

He never said that it was ok, looking back, I realize I really messed up.

He says he's fine, but he doesn't even want to touch me right now.

potenttechnicality wrote:

If your boyfriend dumps you, and he might, you need to realize two things. He's young, inexperienced and this was traumatic for him; it's not him being "insecure" it's you trusting bad people that hurt him. Second, if he leaves that's not a greenlight to go back to business as usual with this friend group.

They crapon your trust and behaved like cruel children. That's stuff you don't look past. As for your best friends, they need to understand exactly what sort of sleazebags they're dating and if they can't appreciate your anger then let them know that when they become "leftovers." Maybe they'll understand.

OP responded:

I will never touch them again. Even if my bf breaks up with me.

A few days later, OP shared an update.

Hello everyone, It's been a long couple days, and my BF has finally opened up. He said he's glad I cut off my friends, and that he wasn't gonna ask me to do it, but if I hadn't he would have left.

He said he doesn't want to break up over this, as it wasn't something wrong I did. He gets that most people have a past and that I didn't even know him back then. He said it just became too real when my ex friends opened their mouth.

He's also mad at me because I told them his insecurities, something that I know was a horrible mistake. I apologized profusely and promised it was never gonna happen again. He also says he feels inadequate and inferior, he said "How am I suppose to compare? I'm just one guy?"

I assured him that he's way better than them. And that he's all I want from now on. We kept talking for a while, eventually, we hugged it out. He says he doesn't feel ready to hook up again, and asked me to respect that. Which I agreed to. He also says he doesn't want to hang out with any other former partner.

He says he won't freak out or anything if we run into one at like a party or something, but he won't hang out with them. Which is more than fair after what happened. One of my best friends reached out, and apologized for what she said, she thought my former friends just mentioned our history and my BF got all insecure, but didn't realize just how horrible they were.

She said she broke up with him already. I haven't heard from the other friend. As for me, I feel absolutely disgusting knowing I let those guys touch me. And I know I messed up when I told my them about my BF's insecurity. Still, that doesn't excuse just how horrible some of your comments were.

I take full responsibility for disclosing my BF's insecurities, but most of you just wanted to shame me for being with different partners in the first place. I didn't hurt anyone JUST by exploring in the past. But I did mess up by calling the wrong people my friends. To those of you who were more understanding, but still rightfully called me out for my carelessness with my BF's feelings, thank you.

The internet was invested in the update.

Dark_Mode_Nose_Wind wrote:

In what world would it ever be a good idea to tell your past partners all about your current partner's deepest physical insecurities...what was your line of thinking on that in the first place?

Know_1_7777777 wrote:

I still don't get how you ever thought it was gonna end well telling people you used to hook up that your boyfriend was insecure about only being with you. Your friends sounded like they were always rude and you giving them that information was liking putting a cow in a lion cage.

Either your brain doesn't function right or you did it on purpose either way that was super messed up and the only reason you aren't single right now is because he's only ever been with you and doesn't know the kind of chick he's dealing with.

BuyAppropriate4810 wrote:

He won’t be able to recover from this. Not with you. He’s just going to take some time to process and realize he will not be able to get over this. It’ll eat away at him, and he’ll only feel at peace again once he’s distanced himself from you. You broke his trust. Your apology doesn’t make your actions less cruel.

And the way those guys humiliated him, he will remember it every time he’s intimate with you. Let him do what he wants at his own pace, but also for the sake of his mental health hold space for him to leave. Don’t try to stop him, or convince him to stay. You see it as advocating for yourself to make him believe he’s the only one etc, what it actually is is PRESSURE.

PsychologicalSon wrote:

He's going to work out how to leave with the least amount of drama. The fact that he doesn't want to be close to you right now is telling. It's pretty obvious why. He's a decent guy, and isn't gonna judge you for your past before you met. But having had no experience in this area, the second he realizes he doesn't have to feel bad like he does, he's gonna move on.

I can nearly guarantee there's other areas of your life that will remind him of this incident. Honestly I gotta wonder why none of your past party buddies weren't suitable partners. That said it's good you're reflecting on what happened, I do feel bad for him though, apparently he will have to suffer a little more.

Two weeks later, OP shared another update.

Hello everyone.

It's been a few of weeks since the whole incident happened. While a lot of you were horrible in the comments, I appreciate the few of you who were more supportive.

My BF and I seem to be back on track now. He's back to his old self, and has been very loving and sweet. I've been as affectionate as possible, without being intimate. I've been making him meals, got him a couple of gifts, and complemented him. We had a deep talk about boundaries, and we talked out what happened. He forgave me for talking about his insecurities to my "friends."

And I promised him that I won't ever do anything like that again. We also talked about his insecurities, by the way, he's fully aware of my previous posts, and say it's fine because no one knows who we are. Well, after I assured him he's the best I've had (which is true), and that I don't want anyone else but him, well...he got his confidence back, and he wasn't shy to show me.

So things are good now with us, I've learned my mistake. As for my former "friends." I've blocked them on everything, and I have no desire to ever see them again. I think this is gonna be my last update, and while I don't expect my relationship to never have problems again, I think we've moved on from this now.

The comments kept coming in.

Dark_Mode_Nose_Wind wrote:

You’re fortunate to have a forgiving boyfriend when it comes to something like blurting out his insecurities. You know he would be just as right to walk away after a betrayal like that.

OP responded:

I'm fully aware he has every right to break up with me, but he forgave me, and I'm grateful. And I won't ever betray him again.

potenttechnicality wrote:

I'd caution you not to assume you've "moved on" entirely. S**t this traumatic can be buried but has a way of working to the surface under stress. You're working hard to repair the hurt and that's great. He's more forgiving than many would be.

You're very lucky he's very mature at his age. I know it sounds extreme but things like this can sometimes create PTSD like symptoms. You don't have to walk on eggshells but just be aware that it's buried, not gone.

HailYourself966 wrote:

Weird how you made a post 6 days ago asking how to get your BF’s confidence back and now it’s magically all better. Do you mean he finally had s*x with you again and now you think everything is hunky dory? Sorry ma’am, you’re definitely not out of the woods yet.

southiest wrote:

Man stop gaslighting and calling that man insecure lol. Otherwise good for you for dropping those guys, whatever happens in your relationship you definitely didn't need people like that around you.

Five months later, OP shared another update.

My BF is pretty inexperienced compared to me. And that's perfectly fine, he's still the best I had. My friend knows about this. She asked if my BF would want to try having both of us so he can catch up to me.

Thankfully, my BF said no. To be honest, it may sound selfish, but I want him all to myself. But I'm pretty upset that my friend even brought this up.

Edit: Something I need to bring up is that me and my friend and I have shared before.

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

dionebigode wrote:

Does you friend know you're not in an open relationship? Seem rude af. Plus, the whole 'body count' for experience is BS.

OP responded:

She knows, but she's always been pretty open.

To tell the truth, we've "shared" before.

Tyrome_Jackson2 wrote:

If yall have shared before as you say in other comments, then it is not to far off for her to think you'd be willing and comfortable with sharing again. If I had slept with a woman with one of my guy friends before, and he asked about if my spouse wanted an experience, depending on how the conversation went i don't know if I'd get upset.

Anoncommenter wrote:

Did she ask only you or did she ask while your boyfriend was present? If she asked you, then you could have said "No, I don't feel comfortable with sharing atm". If she asked while your boyfriend was there it gets a lot more uncomfortable in my opinion. How did he react to it?

I think I would be weirded out a lot more in his position that in yours tbh " make sure to let him know that you are happy he doesn't want to "try others" and is happy just being with you and that you feel the same. Otherwise you might risk him overthinking that you want him to "practice" or something.

OP responded:

She asked my bf while I was right there. It was just us, and I'll be honest, knowing my friend, she would have done it right there and then. I'm sure she would have kissed him as soon as he said yes. My bf just laughed it off and said no. He probably had no idea that my friend was ready to do it right there and then.

Three days later, OP shared another update.

Hello everyone,

I had a talk with my friend.

Just so you all know, my bf is fully aware of my history with my friend.

I told her i didn't like what she asked my BF, specially because she didn't say anything to me.

She was confused, and just thought I'd be into it. I told her that I don't want to share my bf at all, and even if I did, she needs to ask me first.

She told me "wow, you really love this guy, don't you?" She then apologized and promised not to do anything like that again. She did mention that if me and my bf ever change her mind to let her know.

I also had a talk with my BF. I asked him if he would ever regret saying no to my friend. He was sweet, and said that as long as he has me, he doesn't want another woman. I did tell him that I also don't want to share him with anyone. He took it as a compliment, and we had a nice night.

The comments kept coming.

Shirai-ryufiregarden wrote:

You’re so grimy omg. Your bf deserves better.

mc2205 wrote:

You need to start over...the people you keep around you says a lot about YOUR character. I genuinely don't know how your "boyfriend" is fine with anything you've talked about on this platform.

Deusxanimo713 wrote:

This is the good ending I'm glad neither friendship or relationship got blown up.

6-foot-under wrote:

"I asked him if he would ever regret..." what kind of question is that? 1) how could he possibly know what he will regret in the future? 2) what do you expect him to answer...? 🙄