'AITAH for not asking my dad to walk me down the aisle?'
"AITAH for not asking my dad to walk me down the aisle?"
For context, my (29F) dad and mum divorced when I was 14, due to him cheating on my mum with multiple women - the last of which he’s now married to and has been for 10 years.
We had a very rocky relationship for the first few years post my parents divorce, which improved when I worked with him between the ages of 19-25. Since then, he has moved to the other side of the country (5-6hr drive) and we see each other once or twice a year when I make the effort to drive to him
(and spend money to rent an Airbnb as he won’t allow me and my fiancé to bring our dog to stay at their house), never speak on the phone, I receive the classic “hi how’re you” text once every 3 weeks etc etc.
I’m getting married in 2025 and have decided that I would prefer my younger brother to walk me down the aisle for a number of reasons:
My brother and I are very close and he’s been far more consistent in my life than my dad. My dad hasn’t once asked me anything about my wedding, how the planning is going, do I need any help or advice or financial support.
He is generally a very selfish person who doesn’t seem to consider his children in anything he does or says - I could list 101 examples of this but will spare you due to length of post!
I know I’m entitled to do what I would like on my wedding day, however there is still part of me that for some reason doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, as I’m his only daughter and I feel like I’d be taking his only opportunity to walk his daughter down the aisle away from him.
Firstly – AITAH for not giving him the opportunity? Secondly – I haven’t yet told him that I would like my brother to walk me down the aisle instead of him, as I truly don’t know how to do this without hurting his feelings. Any tips or advice on how to break the news?
Let's see what readers thought:
eapark writes:
It’s absolutely your right to have someone who has consistently supported you walk you down the aisle. You should feel no guilt towards someone who so blatantly couldn’t give a damn about the impact of his own actions and decisions.
He will never change and I think you’re reaching the point where, for your own MH and general well being, you need to take a step back and focus on your life going forward.
You should tell your father as soon as you can because there will be some fall out. Don’t beat around the bush, it needs to come straight from the hip. It’s entirely feasible that he will give you an ultimatum of either he does the walk or he doesn’t go, period.
You need to think on that one and know what your choice will be before you have the discussion so you are not left floundering. And then you have the new wife - do you actually want her there, considering all that she represents? Congratulations, btw, and enjoy your day. NTA.
dim8 writes:
NTA. Is your mother remarried? I'd talk tonher first about appropriate seating arrangements. If she has a husband it should be you then her and her spouse and then your brother.
Your "dad" can sit in the far back at the kiddie table. As long as your mother, brother, and fiance agree with you then you don't have ro tell anyone else. If you invite dad make sure hebis aware that he does not get a plus one (aka Affair partner / wife).
Recruit some strong friends as uahers and assign him a seat several rows away from your mother. Have one of the ushers stand at his row to keep him in place and make sure he doesn't try to interfere.
polm09 writes:
You didn't take that opportunity away from him. He lost it by making his own selfish choices. I hope you have a lovely wedding with the people you enjoy most. Best of luck to you. NTA.