'AITA for defending and praising my daughter when she broke a bully's nose defending a kid?' UPDATED

"AITA for defending and praising 'my daughter' when she broke a bully's nose trying to defend a kid?"

In the title I said "my daughter" cause this little angel of 7 years isn't mine biological but she is the daughter of my best friend who passed of cancer and he asked me to take care of her like she was mine.

(it's a very long, boring and too emotional story to be explained her). Sofi is my whole world. She is sweet, kind, always have unlimited energy (sometimes too much hahaha) and most of all she always defends the other ones.

She is the exact copy of my best friend and sometimes when she sleeps I watch her and I cry cause I think of her father and it's just like a piece of me passed and she is remembering it. Anyway...my parents were (and still are) strongly against my choice and my promise cause I'm too young and too unexperienced to deal with an enormous thing like this. And well, they always find something that isn't right.

The way I dress her, the values I try to teacher her, the way she plays so basically nothing is good for them but don't worry it's the habit and I learned to deal with it hahaha. But yesterday what I said in the title happened.

She was playing in the garden of the school with her "bestie"(Mary) when she heard a kid yelling "stop, you're hurting me, leave me alone" and when she got near she saw a kid b*llying a guy and kicking him on the body. Here comes the thing that I taught her. If you warn someone for 3 times to stop it and he/she doesn't listen you can teach him/her the meaning of the word "stop."

And this is what happened. She told the kid 3 times to stop and at the third warning the kid pushed her down and tried to kick her too but she reacted by throwing a p*nch and broking the little kid nose. Now, before anyone says it: I know by that violence isn't an option and we all shouldn't react in that way but sometimes it's necessary to make the b*lly learn the lesson.

When I got the call from the school and they said they wanted to talk with me immediately I got worried and started to think at the worst but when I arrived and they told me what happened I was confused cause, like I told them, "since when punishing someone that stands up and try to help the b*llied one is to condemn and punish?"

I told them the same thing, that violence isn't the option and I told them that I will have a talk with Sofi about what happened and teach her that what she did wasn't right. But you know what? I'm proud of her!!! I'm proud that she stands up and help the others. Obviously I told her that violence isn't a solution and all this stuff but I'm proud of "my daughter."

As you can imagine for my parents was the end of the f--king world. Their words: "wtf are you teaching her? Do you want her to be a crimin-l? Is this what we taught you?" and this kind of BS. I tried to explain them my point but obviously they didn't even let me explain and now to them i'm like a cr*minal that teaches a little girl how to k--l(???). So AITAH?

Edit: wow, I would never bet a cent on the fact that there were many many people on my side cause I know the internet and i know that we are all a bit "saints" when these things happen but it's nice to see that many people are honest. So thank you all for your support and for your advices on the relationship with my parents.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Material-Indication1 wrote:

Let me be the first to shout "NTA" and of course to remind you to teach her more nuanced awareness of law enforcement as she gets older.

No_Use_9124 wrote:

NTA and GOOD JOB!!! You are doing a great job parenting her. Tell the school that they need to do better about bullying behaviors from kids and don't back down. Your parents need to calm down and quit being foolish. You should be proud of yourself! I'm proud of you! Keep moving forward!

What_a_mensch wrote:

NTA. My 6-year-old gets the same message. Fighting is wrong, and the only time I won't get upset about you laying your hands on someone is if they hit first or they're hurting someone else. Otherwise keep your hands to yourself. Keep teaching Sofi right from wrong, the schools aren't there to do that for us. You're being a good parent, keep it up.

Top_Purchase5109 wrote:

NTA. I hate when people say “violence is never the answer” actually, sometimes it is. Teaching anyone that they shouldn’t resort to violence when confronted with violence is plain ole stupid. Obviously violence isn’t the only answer, but in that situation, what was she supposed to do? Watch this child be attacked? Allow herself to be att*cked? Nah. Good on her for defending someone else and herself.

The next day, OP shared another update.

I want again to thank you and tell you have much I appreciate your support and ideas from the last post cause I wasn't expecting it. Some of you made me think and I did what I usually do when I have thoughts: I went to my grandparents for some real support and confrontation. I always do this and they know it so they are always ready for me hahaha.

So this morning I advised them that I would be there to have a talk with them and they were super happy mostly(or entirely hahaha) because I was bringing Sofi too and they absolutely love and adore her hahaha. Sofi was very happy and excited too for visiting them hahaha.

Once there obviously they hugged and kissed her like I wasn't existing for those 10 minutes and then my grandpa went to play with her and I stayed alone to have a talk with my grandma. I told her what happened and all the mess, and she without hesitation asked me if I did something alone with Sofi and what I told her.

I told her that I brought my little angel for an ice cream because no matter what the school said i was proud of her standing up and defending the bullied kid and we spent the whole day together doing fun stuff. She said that she was proud too of Sofi and gave me a new perspective on what happened that I was never taught about.

Then we obviously remained for lunch and my grandma like always made a "wedding lunch" like me and Sofi weren't eating since 40 years hahahaha. We remained there a few more hours and we all played together until a few minutes ago i brought Sofi to a friend's house for a party.(I still don't know whose is the party and why there is a party but ok hahaha)

But the thing that my grandma told me and I'm still thinking about is my parents immediate angry and aggressive reaction to what happened. Like I was teaching Sofi the worst things on this planet. So I thought about it a lot, and finally understood what my grandma was trying to say.

It's all about my relationship with my parents and how much I care for their opinion. I admit that I love to hear people's opinion but the mistake that I'm making is to give too much value to what my parents think and not that much on what I think is right or not.

I know that they're my parents, and of course what they say is important but like my grandma said "honey you're not 14 anymore, you're almost 30 and you have a daughter with you. It's time you make your own life, your own choices, your own mistakes. Your parents will forever tell you what they want and not what you want to hear."

"So stop bothering yourself about what they think and start to think with your own mind about your life and not theirs."

For how much is difficult to admit but she is right, like always I would say hahaha, and is true that I rely a lot on them but it's because they are my parents and their words have an importance so i don't know maybe it's because I'm afraid to be a failure in their eyes but grandma is absolutely right!

I need to make my own life and my own decisions and I have every intention to do it. So nothing just this. Just a simple talk with my grandma made me realize a lot of things, like always, and to me it was fair to let you know too.

The internet had a lot of thoughts in response.

Mo0nshadowmusee wrote:

Family dynamics and advice from grandparents, this post has it all! Glad to hear everything worked out and your daughter is a badass defender. Here's hoping she uses her skills for good and not evil.

SpotlessEternalMind wrote:

Granny is wise !! Great idea to go and see her. Perspective is always good. So, carry on with your daughter, you're doing a great job!

Agreeable_Act_2507 wrote:

It’s not like you are teaching her to go around punching everyone or picking fights. She came to the defense of someone in need. Get Wonder Woman a cape. She was that kid’s hero. She will be able to take care of herself and others in a world devaluing everyone, especially women. Keep it up and maybe get her into martial arts to refine those skills.