'AITA for ditching my friend on our Europe trip after she refused to commit?'
"AITA for ditching my friend on our Europe trip after she refused to commit?"
I (23F) have been planning a Europe backpacking trip for my graduation. Since most of my close friends are younger and planning their trip next year, I decided to go solo this summer. My friend Avery (22F) casually mentioned she’d love to join me, and I was excited I liked the idea of having company, especially since I’ve never been to Europe before.
From the start, I was doing all the planning. I told her I wanted to go for three weeks, and she said she’d probably only do two, which was fine. My top priorities were France and Italy, but I was open to adjusting. I sent her itineraries, researched hostels, and figured out logistics. She mostly responded with excited TikToks but wasn’t actively planning.
The biggest issue? Booking the trip. For months, I asked her to book flights, but she kept delaying saying we should book hotels first, or that she needed to check with her parents or sort out her summer job.
Last week, I put my foot down and told her that if we wanted to go in early June, we had to book ASAP before prices went up. She promised we’d book that weekend…then nothing happened. On top of that, our travel styles were completely different. I wanted a high-end backpacking trip staying in female-only hostels, meeting new people, and keeping a flexible itinerary.
She suddenly decided she was too scared of hostels and only wanted to stay in hotels, which made the trip more expensive. She also insisted on pre-booking every flight, train, and hotel, while I wanted some structure but also the freedom to be spontaneous maybe deciding last-minute to go to Switzerland instead of Croatia, for example.
Somehow, between our back-and-forth, we ended up with just Spain and Croatia two places that weren’t even on my top list. I wanted to visit multiple countries, but she didn’t want to go to Italy and insisted on only two destinations. Her plan was 10 days in Spain and 4 in Croatia, which felt way too slow-paced for me.
At this point, it felt like my grad trip had turned into her ideal vacation. I wanted an exciting, spontaneous adventure one of my last chances to do something crazy before settling into my career. Instead, she was pushing for a structured, rigid trip that felt like something I’d do with my mom or a retired couple.
Since she still wouldn’t commit, and flights were getting more expensive, I booked my trip alone. When I saw her yesterday, she told me she was finally ready to book. I told her I had already made plans to go solo, and she got really upset saying I hurt her feelings and she couldn’t believe I’d do this to her. I feel bad because I know she was excited, but I also gave her months to commit. AITA for booking my trip solo?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Elsievibrant wrote:
NTA. You weren’t ditching her—you were escaping trip purgatory. She had months to commit and just kept stalling. At some point, you had to choose between waiting forever or actually going on the adventure you wanted. She can plan her dream structured trip next year, and you can live your best spontaneous backpacker life now. Win-win.
OP responded:
This is true. Europe isn’t going anywhere! I won’t look back and regret going on my dream trip!
Rainemist wrote:
NTA.
If she was really committed to the trip, she would've booked flights when you said. She wasn't really committed but liked the idea of being committed to a European trip.
OP responded:
I think this is a good way of putting it. Everytime I asked if she was still sure she assured me but would never do anything to move forward!
AGirlCalledPearl wrote:
NTA. I should have trusted my judgment when I agreed to go on a trip with someone who was both wishy-washy and controlling at the same time. It was such an odd dynamic. Amber almost made our entire Japanese vacation miserable.
She was so rigid with her plans that if anything did not go exactly as she had it mapped out, she would throw a fit. By the third day, everyone had had enough. We ditched her and started doing our own thing.
She had no interest in actually enjoying the experience, just dragging us to tourist traps so she could post pictures. It was such a relief to be free of her control, and I ended up having an amazing time exploring on my own.
OP responded:
You described it perfectly “wishy washy and controlling at the same time” that’s exactly it. Good for you going off on your own!!!!
AGirlCalledPearl responded:
I hope you have a great trip! ♥️
From my experience with Amber, I’ve learned the importance of setting firm boundaries and time limits when making plans. If someone can’t pay by a specific date, I go ahead with my plans alone.
For example, I’m going to a concert in LA next month and told a friend to send me money by Friday so I could buy the tickets Saturday. She said she couldn’t pay until Wednesday, so I decided to go alone and suggested we hang out another time.
The same applies to my road trip. I’m booking a hotel and excursion tickets for myself, and my brother is coming. Another sibling asked to join but didn’t meet the deadline, so I told him we’d plan something different another time when he had the money.
OP responded:
This is a great way to protect your peace without hurting another person!! I’m going to steal this skill of yours!
Junior-Author6225 wrote:
NTA. You gave her months! She had plenty of time. It sounds like she wanted you to plan her trip, not your trip together. Enjoy your solo adventure.
OP responded:
Thank you :) The people pleaser in me wanted her to be happy, but the grown woman in me realized I won’t give up my wants and needs to fulfill someone else’s.
SummitJunkie7 wrote:
NTA for sticking with the trip you originally planned and opting out of an incompatible travel companion and the trip they wanted to turn it into. Frankly should've done this much sooner, as soon as you two realized you wanted very different travel styles.
Slight YTA for not just telling her about your decision, even once you'd booked, and waiting for her to come to you excited to finally book tickets before breaking the news.
You're going to have a great time, don't worry about not having company - you'll meet lots of people staying in hostels, and will have no problem linking up with someone for a day or two when you find someone who wants to do the same things and flying solo at other times for maximum flexibility.
OP responded:
I agree with you it wasn’t very nice or mature to just go ahead and book without telling her. I was selfish and actually wanted to “test” her and see if she’d ever bring it up since the clock was ticking.
But at the end of the day that’s not the person I want to be.
Thank you for your comment it was very reassuring! I want to meet new people and have lots of fun and safe adventures.