Wife insists she loves him now but husband feels deeply betrayed after learning he was her 'second choice.' AITA?
"AITA if I divorce my wife because she said she didn't love me after being married to me for 3 years?"
I've been married to my wife for 3 years and I can't believe that shes telling me now after living together for so long that she didn't love me, I'm 26 and she's 25, her mom is my mom's friends. Our moms introduced us to each other and after we got to know each other for almost 7 to 8 months we agreed to marry each other.
I was living happily with her, she is a housewife and I am the working male, so I never suspected that she did not love me and has actually just been tolerating me this whole time.
About 2 weeks ago my wife told me that she has a confession to make and asked me if I would listen to her with an open mind, I told her that whatever it is that she needs to tell me, I'll listen and find a solution to her problem because I'm her husband.
She told me that when we got married she didn't really love me enough to get married to me she got married to me because she found me a suitable partner for her, she told me she was still in love with another man when she was married to me and she couldn't get over him after he ditched her.
She told me that over time she started falling for me and she loves me now more than anything because I am 'more of a man' than her ex ever was for treating her bad and leaving her without a thought while Im the opposite I take care of her and work hard for her and loved her unconditionally.
I kept listening and listening and after she was done I asked her why did she tell me this all what was she trying to achieve, she says she feels guilty for not telling me the truth, she felt that she was betraying me by marrying me but still loving some other man and the guilt was eating her for more than a year.
I told her that I understand where she's coming from but it's actually alot for me, I was expecting worse but this is the worst and if she doesn't love me we can divorce instead of being stuck in a loveless marriage, she said she loves me and I'm misunderstanding her she's telling me the truth because she loves me now and I deserve to know the the truth.
After our discussion I pretend to be normal in front of her but deep down I'm hurt. My wife comforts me and promises me of love and loyalty but I am considering divorce.
I feel like divorce will set us free, I asked my cousin sisters for advice and they are saying that marriage requires sacrifice and compromises and she's trying her best and coming clean to me so I shouldn't divorce her.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I don't know if you know anything about arranged marriages, but 90% of them start this way. I mean if you feel strongly enough about it you should get a divorce, but it seems like after you both rushed into marriage after a few months, she has learned and grown to love you. That says something good about you and I don't know why you'd want to throw it away.
NTA, I can see why anyone would be upset hearing something like this, it does seem like the marriage was rushed into and feelings weren't able to develop so early on but they have now, I think you guys should consider couples therapy to help you get through this together since she now says she loves you and you love her.
You're overreacting and you seem to be purposely misunderstanding her or mischaracterising what she's saying. She never said she doesn't love you. Quite the opposite. The fact that she even felt compelled to tell you this demonstrates that she cares a great deal and also has a good deal of integrity.
It's understandable that this information hurts, but it'd be foolish to throw away the relationship in my opinion. I don't know where you're from, but the involvement of the mothers and the super-fast timeframe for marriage suggests to me that you're not in the west or are in the west but in a non-western originating culture.
That's just a guess. Perhaps there's some cultural context I don't understand. Either way, you'd have to be very naive to expect true love after 8 months. You do have it now, though, so why throw it away?
"She told me that over time she started falling for me and she loves me now more than anything" So it appears she DOES love you based on her words. I have no clue why she opened her mouth and told you this. I would really try some couples counseling before throwing in the towel. It appears she loves you NOW and that you (until this revelation) loved her. That isn't necessarily easy to come by.
I think you’re focusing on the past instead of the present. She admitted she was wrong and feelings have since changed. Sounds like the marriage was rushed to begin with, maybe a cultural thing (?). Perhaps couples therapy could help you both process the feelings. I have been with my husband for over 5 years and we live each other more each year than we did in year 1.
I've been with my spouse 25 years Above all, marriage is a contract, a commitment. What can you provide each other that you need? Companionship, security, both emotional and physical, friendship?
Love is secondary, you will fall in and out of love with your partner many times over the years. I'd stay. Relationships that have a rational view on marriage are more likely to maintain long term.